Do you have a therapist or somebody else in your life to support you?
Been assessed by a p-doc to see if meds could help? Had some CBT for the panic symptoms?
No wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. It's a lot to deal with, and from what you're saying, it sounds like you need both support and practical tools to start to address some of the things that you want to change.
Sounds like you could do with some help with goal setting and staying focused on what needs to get done - stuff that goes out the window for all of us when we're stressed, but that can feel perpetually out of control when BPD is.
There are some really good tools here - the sorts of things you need to learn to help you learn more constructive approaches to, say, going to work
and even though I've never done it, I know that DBT is supposed to be very good at teaching the sorts of skills you need to get your emotional life under control enough that it doesn't run amok through the rest of your life.
It's a lot to deal with - you'll need to start with one thing at a time. But there are tons of people here who've been there, and who have gotten through it, one step at a time.