BPDRecovery.com: Forums

some of you have voiced a view to me so i wanted to leave a explanation for the board.

yeah yeah, i am posting a last time after saying i wouldnt. some of you here who are wonderful people deserve this.

it is better for me to leave for now. i am to the end of my rope in coping with life. my daughters ongoing mental illness and suicide attempt. my granddaughter needs surgery now for her tonsils out. where is that money coming from? God knows, i dont. my sons orders moved up and he is leaving tues for the desert again. iraq. my H is losing weight, bleeding anally, and drunk 3/4 of the time. i have lost my T. i have no idea where else to turn or what to do anymore.

im just dealt out. i have no more rope to hang onto. and it isnt fair to this board to wait till i come unglued at someone. i know the dont take it personally, i know the ignore. im just dealt out. i have no more coping strength left. what i have is gonna be taken up with other things more necessary.

this place is not helping me any longer, it is hindering. all my energy is going for real life stuff. i have none left to wade thru shit unless its very necessary, and i have to weed out what isnt necessary or important. i fear i will go off big time and i dont want to do that when i know better.

i am to my limit on ignore, dont take it personally, and all that good stuff. even i, strong one i am and had to be to survive, have limits. i see them this time. i have little balance left for walking a fine line and praying its fine enough.

i wish you all the best, and hope life is good for ya. my email is around in case anyone wants it. just ask BG. she has my permission to give it to who she considers it ok to have it.

fwiw, this is my choice. my own choice. no one elses, no one forced, no one but me cause i have too much real life happening right now. things not as important will get tossed aside. and arguing on some online place is just not in the equation.

yes, i need to ignore. yes, i cant right now as it takes too much energy. maybe sometime i will have it again. please just use email now, as i cant keep logging in to check my pms. ty.

jodyisme

(((((Jody)))),

I hope all of those personal problems/issues get resolved in a satisfactory manner. It's hard to stay sane with all of those worries at once. I wish your son well, that he goes and comes back from Iraq safe and healthy. I wish your daughter mental health, and your gd an uneventful tonsillectomy. I wish your H health too. Most of all, I wish you stamina to put up with it all. You've always helped me with my stuff, and I'm really grateful for that. You've got lots of supporters here, you know.

Take care,

Wondering

jody,

I know there is a lot of chaos around you, and I'm sure it's not easy to deal with.

What I have personally seen over time is that you see things as a battle.... that you must somehow "win" against others, but I think you are fighting your own battles in your own game, that no one else is playing. It's hard for me to understand exactly why you view the world that way.

I think it simply doesn't make any difference at all, the "battles" you choose to engage yourself in. If someone is talking about you, then everyone sees their problems in doing so. It's not as if it makes any difference at all. And I think in order to stop believing the world is out to get you, you eventually have to throw in the towel and quit fighting over things that in the end make no difference at all. To engage = no payoff for you. There is no payoff and there is never a winner in these games. It's just a circle jerk leading nowhere.

I am in hopes that you will eventually see this through open eyes. I hope that things improve with your rl situation.

(((Jody)))

I am short on words right now and don't have a lot of spare brain capacity to fully understand what all this is about...

But I do hear that you are overloaded and at the end of your tether. And I SO know that feeling.

You need to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself right now.

I, for one, will be here for you if/when you come back.

I really appreciate your straight-talking and support.

Hang in there.

Hugs

I agree with what aqua wrote here, and I see it that way too. It does seem you are making a battle where there is none. I have no idea why you think it's not okay to post in a thread where someone you are ignoring (out of courtesy) has also posted. It feels like nonsense, drama to me. It's very easy to ignore someone. Why make a big deal out of it? Why do you put yourself into child mode and say you will get in trouble? You are not a child.

If you are really leaving due to the rl stresses, then I wish you well. you sure have a lot on your plate and I can understand how overwhelmed you feel. If you are cutting your nose off despite your face due to this self-made battle, it's too bad because it would seem to me that with all you are going through in rl, you could really use the support.

Best wishes (((jody)))

I think I know what happened but I don't know if the moderators would be okay with it if I tried to explain. I don't want to do the wrong thing here - would it be okay if I tried to explain?

I think if people want more info, they should check out the CC threads. Everything is out there already.

Jody, I respect your right to make decisions that are good and right for you. I can see the stuff around here is too much for you in the context of your current life situation and can also see why time out from BPDR may be a good option for you right now.

However, I have a concern and that is that you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater. This isn't meant as disrespect to you.

You have SO much going on and especially now you don't have a T I'm worried that by walking away from BPDR you're walking away from a significant support system for you. Not everyone at BPDR fits your needs but you have many friends here and people who are rooting for you.

It doesn't matter that you said you were going and then came back. It doesn't matter if after the post you've written you change your mind in time to come. What really matters is that you find what you need. I hope you do have what you need right now, but if you find that some of what you need could come from here in the future, you will always be welcome back.

Awww Jody, i hope you do come back. I'll miss you!! I hope things get better for you in RL, it sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now!!
(((Jody)))

Jody,

I'm really sorry to hear about all the challenges you're facing. I can absolutely understand that it all feels like too much to handle. It takes a great deal of strength to face all the problems that have piled up together in your life. It makes me sad to hear that you'll be leaving the board, but the most important thing to me is that you take care of yourself, in whatever way is necessary for you to conserve your strength to continue coping. I wish you the strength and courage needed to keep on plugging. Things won't always feel this utterly heavy and hopeless for you. Keep that in mind. You're facing an especially difficult time right now, but you can cope! You're going to get through it. The sun's gonna shine again even if it doesn't feel like it.

I don't know any of the specifics of what problem you've had with other members of the board here. But one thing I do know: there are people here who care about you. Even if you leave the board, they will keep you in their thoughts. We all rub each other the wrong way at times. Personality conflicts and misunderstandings are going to happen. It's OK if we don't get along with every single person here or if we don't see things the same way. I wish you'd consider staying, but only you know what is the best decision for you.

If there's someone here on the board that helps you endure, whose support helps you put one foot in front of the other and keep walking forward, please hang onto your relationship with them. No person is an island. We all need a shoulder to lean on sometimes.

You've helped me at times with helpful responses to my posts. I certainly hope the best for you.

If you have questions or concerns for Jody and have actaully had a relationship with her and are not just asking to be nosy, then she's given you a way to ask her directly for information.