BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hey guys.

I was diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago now but I refused to accept it. It makes a lot of sense except the core of it - the people part. I would never let anyone close enough to me to enter into a relationship. Trust issues. I 'split' my coworkers family and "friends" though. I make friends, decide they're not good people, stop talking to them, go back eventually. Bad habit that. I think I was slapped with this label because of self harm - which is just something that stops the spiralling feeling of doom I get when I'm helpless - that occurs because I cant find anything to do. Weird hey? but I have extreme-hyper-focus and I do something until everything revolves around it I cant think or talk about anything else - then I drop it, feel bad, and find something new. If I cant find something new I get destructive. Obviously Im crazy

Anyway, just wondering if it is legal/allowed/can I get my therapy files? I saw someone for about 2-3 years. For what its worth it was public mental health care in Australia.

If you ask me my problem was social anxiety with a bunch of BPD characteristics but I want my file because I'm fucking up again right now, and I need to know why I keep doing the same things over and over and over again even though I know its wrong/what I should be doing instead. I'm gonna see a therapist again or go even more crazy.

I mostly want the file to see what they wrote about me, but it may help me as well.

Chris

You can ask, but, that doesnt mean you will see the complete file. When I left a T I asked for my files and, it was definitely an edited version of what transpired.

Also, you have to remember that this is the T's version of what took place- a one-sided portrayal of events.

Imo, there is little purpose in asking for your files, and if necessary is best done when one (anyone) is well past whatever transpired. If you are looking for some justification of the DX or are looking to see 'how bad' (or not) you are.. I feel this will only be detrimental to you.

If you are really concerned about the DX, I recommend you find yourself a T that you can relate to- one that understands you (which means you must sit it out for awhile with them while you both get to know your basic personalities).

Another question for you- how important is the DX? If you relate to symptoms and by learning about those symptoms and ways to learn to cope better with them and have them impact your life less, does the DX really matter?

There are numerous people on this board who have never been Dx'd; who are not BPD; some have traits; some dont; some are full blown - meaning that most of the symptoms have or did impact their life.. notice I mentioned did- ie it changes.. so, that too imo is a reason to not get too hung up on a DX- it is/can be temporary..

Id really consider heavily the purpose of wanting the report and what you can constructively do with it or about it once you have it. I really am not sold on it of being of much value.

I know that here, in Canada, you are able to request your file and the office assistant will copy them and you pay a small fee for having had the copies made.

I received my complete files (10 years of pdoc. visits and it cost me $100 because it was thicker than a book. LOL) Absolutely everything must be in there. Our medical files are our personal property.
God Bless
Steff

I know that here in New Zealand that I can see or get copies of all public medical health records that are on file, including the mental health ones.

My psychologist is in private practice but I can ask to see my notes that she's taken at any time; and I'm aware that on finishing therapy, I am allowed to take the whole file with me.

I guess the only way of knowing is if you ask/ Each country might have different rules.

Oh and hello and welcome

I want to see if there is anything in there, any insights as to what I'm doing wrong. I tend to wear blinders you see, back then my only problem was other people and being nervous around them (aha-so i thought) and maybe the therapist had written something about the true reason why im doing what I do.

I am also incredibly nosy and just want to know what they thought was wrong with me. I understand why this can be bad, and will most likely hurt me reading stuff. Whatevers in there, I will take negatively. Self awareness is good right.

The diagnosis bothered me the time as the resources I found were a forum from loved ones hurt by BPD people. I got so upset. Just the fact that the therapist thought I was that kind of person... it hurt me very badly. Still does.

I am fucking up my job right now with my impulsivity and power-cycling moods - I wish my direct manager would stop asking me how I am - when I ignore my feelings I can function fine - only focus on the actual work etc. I mean I still feel extreme turmoil constantly but having to voice whats wrong causes me to spiral down down down. I might tell him to stop asking. That will get a big WTF response.

I just wish I was stable and didnt change feelings/oppinions/everything constantly. It makes me really upset.

I am thinking of seeing a therapist in Sydney - I'd go back to my old one but i... moved to sydney for a new job - one more impulsive move - applied over the phone, got the job, 2 weeks later flew over with a suitcase, here i am 3 months later still the same person fucking it all up

I'm going to call up the place and ask if its possible today. Maybe theres some awesome insight and I can be like "right, fixed!" you never know.

It seems to me your therapist should have told you what she thought was "wrong" with you. Didn't you have open and frank discussions with her? Therapists should not be hiding anything from you. Also, if you get your records, you are very apt to misinterpret them, which could make things worse.