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I wasn't sure whether I should post this in this forum or in Season Passes, so if it's in the wrong forum, I apologize.

I'm a Sophomore in University, and this term a lot of good things have been happening for a lot of my friends. Namely, they've nearly all found SOs. I'm very happy that they're happy, of course, because I would not wish ill on people I care about.

But I miss them all.

I'm somebody who likes to talk to people one-on-one and gets more out of those interactions than big groups of people. The problem is that I never get to see my friends without their SOs. I've gone from having 5 good, close relationships to having 0, all because they've disappeared into 'couple bubbles'. I don't have anybody to talk to or do anything with without somebody else always being there. I like all of the SOs, and some of them are friends in their own right, but I don't like being with couples all of the time, since they're so very intensely focused on each other.

This is compounded by the fact that one of these friends lives close to me when we're not in school and we got much closer over the summer, but now that we're back in school I haven't seen her without her SO once. I often feel like she wants to be friends as long as she doesn't have somebody more important around, and that makes me struggle a lot emotionally.

I understand that none of my friends are purposefully trying to hurt me, but I really do miss them, and since I don't have a SO and don't really have contact with my family, my friends are my major emotional support.

So, long story short, how does one deal with being the third-wheel all the time and/or being lonely because all of one's friends are otherwise occupied?

Is there any way to bring this up and still be sensitive to the fact that their relationships with their SOs are more important than their ones with me?

And do you think my desire to spend time alone with my friends is unreasonable? I've been getting a lot of what amounts to 'suck it up', and I'm trying but I still miss them and feel miserable.

My sister went through this many years ago. I got married very young and left home. My sister had friends, and she watched as each of them got married. They got very busy with their new H's and their new lives that they didn't have time for her.

My sister was sort of forced into making new friends. She found girlfriends to hang around with who weren't married or with SO's. She kept in contact with the married friends, but didn't see them or speak to them as much as she used to. And she made those new friends who were able to go out with her to meet men. She knew the relationships with her married friends had changed and there was nothing she could do about it.

So I guess my advice is that at this stage of your life, you might need to think about meeting new people, and hang out with women who are not involved with husbands or SO's. Things change in life. You go from one stage to the next. It's like when you're married and you see all your friends having babies. If you dont' have a baby, you're in a different category now. You either have to put up with hearing all the "baby talk" or else find new friends who, like yourself, don't have babies. That's just the way the world works.

I'm sorry you miss your friends. I know that must be difficult. But I hope you can meet new people you can hang out with and develop new relationships with.

Part of me is wondering if it's worth the effort to make new friends, because this isn't the first time this has happened. I'm really, really sick of being dropped like a rock for people's SOs, and as somebody who doesn't particularly want a partner, I wonder if I should keep bothering if my friends are just going to leave when they find someone.

I'm angry and frustrated because it feels like the fact that I don't want to follow the 'partner to marriage to baby' equation means that me being left all the time is 'natural'.

Every major relationship I've had throughout high school and college this has happened to. I've found new friends, but I'm tired of constantly doing the cycle of, "Finding new people, getting to like them, and being left completely alone". It's making me think it's not worth the effort, and my abandonment issues are flaring up a lot.

It seems like everybody's happier without me around. And it seems like my own fault for not 'moving on' and finding a SO myself, even though I don't want one.

Any advice for getting some motivation to stick my hand back into the fire, so to speak?

I'm wondering, have you made an effort to arrange one on one friendship time with your friends? If, not, maybe you should. It's not an unfair thing to ask. It doesn't mean you don't like the SO. You aren't asking them to go against their relationship with their SO. Expecting someone to be your best friend you spend all your time with when they have a SO wouldn't be realistic. But, still, that doesn't mean there's any reason not to have individual friendship time. But it may be up to you to initiate, rather than waiting for them.

Ellen: I've made efforts to see them one-on-one, yes, but it doesn't ever seem to actually materialize. I have plans this weekend, but I don't know if they'll actually happen or not. I've even talked to a few of my friends about this, but nothing ever changes, and the last one I spoke to acted like I was just being bitter. (When she had the same problem when she was single... ah, how soon we forget the other side, huh?)

And I hardly expect anybody to spend all of their time with me. I need too much time for myself, but I haven't done anything alone with them since school started (in September).

Also, is there any way to work on knowing what is or isn't worth the effort? I don't want to pour tons of energy into something and get no return, but I don't know where the cut-off point is.

I didn't think you were. Thus "wouldn't be" rather than "isn't".

Sorry, Ellen, for being defensive. I have had that charge leveled at me in the past so I'm somewhat sensitive to it. I apologize.

Okay. No problem.

My suggestion is to possibly join a club, group or organization, where you are around a lot of people. The common interest is what will get you talking to people, and getting involved with them. You may become "best friends" with any of them, but you will be around a group of people you share similar interests with, it will get your mind occupied and get out out and about. Maybe instead of focusing on trying to have "best" or close friends, you should think about getting involved in the activity itself and the friendships will follow.

Oops - this should actually say "you may NOT become "best friends" with any of them.......