BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Calista~

Another good, thought provoking thread! Wow!

Like you, I came on here after being Dx with BPD. And similarly, I saw it through out my adult life and that it had affected my choices as well.

I read Ash's book, printed out the 'Tools" from this website, laminated them and then proceeded to read more and more. I didn't feel so alone. I didn't feel so confused and overwhelmed anymore. For the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful.

Now, my life is darn stable even when the problems like the one with my Dad come up. It's those tools - CBT & DBT skills.

Threads like yours and others help to keep me on my toes, keep working on me, seeing things from a different perspective. Or different perspectives. To search for all or at least as many as I can, shades of gray. Every once in a while, I get a wonderful :light !

Today, I took my babies (doggies) to the vet. The vet's wife interupted him a couple of times. She let him know, in front of my H and I, that she was pretty upset with him. (Before, her interuptions would have 'bugged' me! Now? I'm like no bigee.) Well, as he excused himself, the vet said to us, "I have to leave now to go find out what my wife's crisis 'du Jour' is.

In the car, I had to laugh and say, "Whew! I don't do that to you, dear H! Ah, that feels wonderful!" And yet, we both had compassion for both of them and their situation.

THAT is another part of the reason I come here - because I like stable, no drama, yes, perhaps even boring going on in my life.

PS If a thread on here gets too dramatic and negative for me, I have to leave. I just don't like 'drama' anymore.

I found BPDR when I was doing a search on what mood stabilizers are used for. I kept being told I needed to be on a mood stabilizer, but I didn't think I had bipolar at that time. I knew I was extremely messed up, just not truly bipolar. So, I discovered this new dx... bpd! I'd heard of bpd before, just not the details of what it entailed. I read the dx criteria... and it was me. Me! It had a name. My misery, my hell had a name. The next time I went to my T I told her about my research and asked her if she dx'd me as bpd. She did. I was ecstatic! I finally had a direction. Something concrete to work on.

I remember when I first came on here, I posted, totally freaking out, that my bf (now H) hadn't called me all day. I had called him, emailed him, and texted him, but he hadn't gotten back to me. I'll never forget the smack I got that day. It was hard and I hated this place for like 2 minutes. Him not responding immediately to me was a trigger for a long time, but this place helped me become more realistic in my thinking.

BPDR helped me practice the skills I was learning in therapy. This all started five years ago! Holy crap! I've been here that long. LOL. I love it here. I get my smacks when I need 'em and try to help others when I can.

So that's where I'm at.

I've never been dx'ed with anything, although I think I had a combination of disorders, most prominently bpd, antisocial (from being around apd's), histrionic, and schizotypal. I'm still very id-oriented. I've tried therapy, but it didn't work for me, I think for a variety of reasons. I am still selfish in a lot of ways (as in, wanting to demonstrate my new skills and to be heard lol), but I have learned so much here, I can't even begin to list all the things I've learned. It even excites me lol. I came here when my last relationship came to a very bitter end, and I was at the end of my rope, and I had no answers as to why my life had been miserable for 30 years. I think I'm getting somewhere finally....

Hey I realised this is quite timely my two years at bpdr review. I posted this the first day I arrived on the 14th February 2006.



He he my first post!

I went on to say!



So two years on.

I fought social services in the courts, my children well two of were returned to my care. I have not had a hospital admission since. I have had a couple of SI slips, but am still sober and don't take drugs.

My situation with my extended family is still at times a tad difficult, but I am no onger beholden to them. Damn life looked pretty bleak 2 years ago. I came here having looked up the words bpd and recovery in the same google search, because well, I didn't want to believe what they said about people with bpd being incapable of stability. There was no way I wanted lose my children and well, there had to be something I could do.

So well coming here, gave me a ammunition and an aresnal of tools, to fight with. My more recent post appearing to be about self acceptance. I have to say I am now relatively stable, esp as regards to my parenting. I will lose social services input in my life in April when the supervision order they were granted will be over. I hold a steady and somewhat good job. I now provide for my children solely. We just finished 5 years of family therapy. I will finish my degree this year. Amazing to think I can actually finish something I started for once.

So why do I stay at bpdr, well with that kinda recovery in two years, who knows what can happen in the next two! Keep reminding myself of the tools, I learn different ways of using them everyday. I have plenty of hurdles to jump yet, obstacles to work my way around and some issues still to face, but I do so with every optimism.

Great thread, Calista. :thumbsup

I came here five years ago now! I was pretty much a wreck. I'd dropped out of uni because I couldn't cope with the workload. Was very depressed, frequently suicidal and self-harming regularly. I was temping as a secretary, but would walk out of that job after a couple of months, again because I couldn't handle things. My life was chaotic - I was drinking heavily, spiralling into debt, and making all sorts of impulsive and self-destructive decisions. This was particularly painful given that just over a year previously, I'd been a high-functioning, successful student who everyone thought had things under control. I'd had a lot of "issues" but always managed to stay OK on the surface until the pressure of my last undergrad year at uni, when I cracked.

When I joined BPDR I'd just finished eight weeks of group CBT, and was told I "shouldn't need" any more therapy. My meds weren't doing much for me, but my doctors didn't seem to think there was any point in changing them. I'd basically been written off as "treatment resistant". I'm so grateful to this place for providing somewhere I could continue to work on my CBT skills, and for the encouragement I got in being assertive and seeking out private treatment to get the meds and therapy I needed.

Five years on, what a different person! I'm back at uni finishing my master's part time as well as holding down a graduate-level job. I can cope with life's stresses just as well as anyone else (perhaps better!) I haven't self-harmed in 3.5 years and although I enjoy a drink regularly, I rarely get drunk. I am slowly but surely paying back my debts, as my ticker shows. Best of all, I feel good about myself and can take on board others' criticism and cope with my own mistakes.

My relationship with my partner has grown in leaps and bounds too. She has bipolar and possibly BPD although I'd say she too has recovered from the BPD traits. I've learned how to set boundaries and look after my own needs rather than try to "fix" everything for her.

I do view myself as a work in progress - recovered, but still learning things and moving forwards.

I came here in 2001 after a hospitalization for a half-as#ed suicide attempt. I was literally homeless. This place, some meds to help me lift the depression enough so I could use the tools I learned probably saved my life. I KNOW it made me able to get a job, hold a job, pay my rent, and have adult, responsible, NORMAL, friendships. I was SO needy in the past. The part someone mentioned about going into a spin when theirBF didn't call back immediately was SO familiar. I don't do that anymore. I don't cut anymore. I still have my bad days, but I cope with them much better. Thank you guys.

Why I'm here ...

I still learn about myself. I enjoy sharing with other people. I like learning about other people. I like seeing myself reflected in other people. Continuing to focus on the tools (for myself or with other people in their situations) helps me keep things in the forefront of my own mind and life. I'm also always keeping an eye out for things that will improve the site - people bring all sorts of interesting things with them when they arrive: links, book recommendations, references to boards on other topics, tools & techniques they've learned, etc. I want BPDR to continue to grow and thrive and reach as many people as possible and I don't think that can happen if things remain unchanged forever.

Why I came to BPD online forums in the first place was to learn about myself. Through learning about BPD, to learn to understand myself better.

Why I came to BPDR in particular was curiousity. Ash was a member of a forum I visisted regularly, and she had a link to BPDR (back when it was on ezboard and there wasn't a website, just a forum) at the bottom of her posts. I didn't initially stay. But later I came back and did stay and have been more or less active here ever since.

Why I came here again a 2nd time. You know, I honestly don't remember. Maybe curiousity again. Maybe just the same reason I participated in other BPD forums -- because I thought it might help me learn about myself.

Why I've stayed. The two things that separate this forum from the other active forums I participated in is the idea that significant recovery is possible, and not having a rigid division between BPDs and nons.

Actually, there's a specific reason I stayed here and not at the other forums. Once upon a time several years ago I looked at the diagnostic criteria for BPD and I concluded I no longer fit them. So I posted this on the 3 forums where I was active. On two of the forums, people responded as if I can claimed to have been magically cured. On one of those forums, I was banned as a non (I don't have a diagnosis). (Both of those forums were restricted to folks with BPD.)

On BPDR, however, people took it as the small milestone that it was. No one took it as me saying I'm all better now.

After that, I soon stopped posting at the other forum (the one that didn't ban me) but continued posting here. (And I've learned and grown so much since then... definite proof that I wasn't magically all better. )

As for why I still post here... because I still learn, and because I like being able to help others going through things similiar to what I've been through.