jr wrote:
jodyisme wrote:
what tone i put on a phrase will come from my own filters. and i must stop that and listen with a open mind to others.
this is hard for me, because asking when i was child meant i was questioning something. and God forbid i did that. so i never really got this concept till now. its ok to question! its ok to explain. indeed, it is almost mandatory.
I get the residual effects of asking questions as a child. Been there, too.
Now that I've learned the, um, 'downside' of the erratic-but-not-atypical responses I got used to expecting as a more vulnerable person, I'd like to be mindful of that as I respond to my own kids and in conversations with peers.
Listening with an open mind takes some learning, and practice - at least it does for me. Listening - really l-i-s-t-e-n-i-n-g - is an enlightening, valuable tool. It's not something it seems anyone does very well naturally. It takes practice; it takes patience; it takes humility; it takes a certain amount of self-esteem and willingness to give up a measure of control.
And in order to listen, I think we need to try to understand adequately, which entails asking for clarification. It's a matter of respect for the effort another person is taking the time trying to express. It's acknowledging we cannot mind-read, and that the other person's input is important.
I think listening... without presumption or prejudice or waiting for our next turn or looking for an argument or expecting reprisal... listening with a truly open mind just might be the most basic artform within universal reach. :shh
So exquisite in its simplicity yet so truly difficult to actually do.
~ jr
what points did i think were good? lets see, i had to quote because this is now on 2 diff pages.
your second paragraph was totally good. all of it.
and listening with a truly open mind, that one!
i had forgotten how important listening is. and how difficult.
mirroring is when one says something and the other repeats it back as it was said. "i heard you say.....". amazingly hard until you get the knack.
sound easy? lol. try it sometime. much harder than it sounds. its a great exercise in learning to actually listen to what is said vs putting our own spin on it.
i just thought you reminded us of how important, vital , real positive listening is and how hard it is to do and how seldom we can do it. and how we need to ask, ask, ask instead of assuming and going from there. my H has a bad thing about assuming this is what was said, insisting it was what i said, and taking a entire program from what he thinks he heard. usually wrong, usually starts something bad, and drives me crazy. one reason i gave up talking to him much anymore.
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