BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Smiling wrote:


Posting something about another's "diminished intelligence" is just f'ing mean. (I think you know who I am talking to.) How is that a nudge or helpful? Answer: It isn't. It's abusive and unneccesary. Moreover, I don't even find it to be true.

Posting that someone is "certifiable" because they don't see another's POV is just f'ing mean.

Both posts were intended to dimish the persons that the authors were posting about. To invalidate them. To tarnish them in some way to others in the Forum on here. Slanderous even.

Minx wrote:



Yes. I agree.

It is the ones that say, "I don't care how I got the PD, I just have it. And I am going to work on it from that angle" I think, don't get it.

For what reasons do you have the PD? Have you done any introspection on that? Any soul searching? That doesn't mean I go around blaming my Dad, I sure as hell don't. But I look inside for answers. Am I capable of becoming my Dad? What are the traits that I don't like? DO I see them in myself? What work on myself do I need to do? What can I do in the future to protect myself?

Study NPD and how the N affects those around him/her.

Study BPD and how the B affects those around him/her.

It doesn't happen in a vacuum. PD's affect other people in a lot of ways. (Go to FiF if you want proof.)

With that, I am leaving this thread.

It is not to anyone's benefit - nor to this wonderful place's credit - to call anyone names, cast aspersions on their character, or to diagnose another for the traits we believe we see in them.

This infighting is inimical to recovery. Notice I'm dumping on the behavior, not any one person, though I mean all of us, me included since I've thought some not-nice things about others, too, I just don't air them (and I try to remind myself I don't really know that person anyway). I'm trying really hard to stay removed from all this fucking drama, and I've stayed away until now for that very reason - because it isn't recovery-focused. But drama is attractive and interesting, and so here I am, damnit! But not for long because this is just stupid and unheathy and I don't want to be around it anymore. So much so that I seriously considered walking away permanently from BPDR, considered deleting my account, considered just getting the heck out of this toxic mess.

eeeerrrrrgh! I just want to rant about how annoying Borderline behavior is (and, no, I don't mean one specific person), but that's a perfect example of putting the focus away from myself. What am I doing here at BPDR that is helping my recovery? What am I working on that's helping me avoid these obnoxious Borderline behaviors? And you may not be seeing the crap I'm seeing, so fine. But I see a lot of BPD going on everywhere.

Ok, here's what's important to me: BPDR was one of the main reasons I've gotten well. I owe this place a lot. Yes, I did all of the work, but if I didn't have this place to come practice how to be well, I wouldn't have gotten well. It hasn't always been safe here, it hasn't always been helpful here, but it has always been about what I could take from it, how I could use it to help me. Yes, part of it is caring about others and helping them, too, but the main focus has been on myself. To get well I have had to be "self-centered", focused on my own unhealthy behaviors and how to change them.

The MOST IMPORTANT THING here is to get well. Ask yourself if what you're doing right now is serving that. It isn't about if the admin is being "fair" (which is subjective, not factual). It isn't about if one member (Denim, Ash) is being mean to another (Jody, GH) and "getting away with it" (I'm in no way defending their behavior). It isn't about if "secret coalitions" are running rampant behind the scenes (who cares, anyway). We are making it about that and we are losing sight of what's really important and in the process we are hurting something very precious and I really want you all to fucking stop it because I love this place and I owe this place and SO DO YOU ALL, too. That's ultimately why I decided to stay, because this is an extraordinary resource despite its flaws and it deserves my respect and my dedication to helping it continue to serve those who want to recover from BPD. Again, please ask yourself if how you're behaving is serving that aim. If you truthfully answer "yes", then let's get on with what we're here to do.

Marni

Woo-hoo Marni! Well said. I agree 100%!!!

Marn... :clap

Here here Marni. Well said.

I think many of you have already answered the questions that were directed at me so I am going to just nod and give a thumbs up here! :thumbsup