BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Susanna? Where did you go?

No, your perceptions are not "wrong". I agree with you.

Here is what I see (for the most part as there are exceptions):

One becomes an "US" when they can regurgitate perfectly the Tools to the left.

Applying them is a whole 'nother story. I have read thread after thread of "don't take it personally" until I could vomit myself. The "don't take it personally" doesn't even apply to the poster's situation! But damn, it sounds good, doesn't it?

On the home page of BPDR is states this:



So therapy approaches other than T attachment, inner child work, HSP's and DBT will be tolerated? It specifically states that this is a safe arena to discuss therapy approaches. And yet, it isn't, really, is it as we have all experienced with the melt down on T attachment issues, HSP issues and inner child work. (I was in the middle of doing some really good DBT exercises when, wham!)

Inner child work is not tolerated. Instead, some of us get smacked on the head with "get over it NOW" okay?

I heard about how "disgusting" it was that Rachel Reilland (sp?) spent $50,000 on her therapy. Well, damn. I'd say that was a good investment considering where Rachel is today. (This is coming from someone who spent $45,000 on a wedding only to get divorced. I'd say the $50K spent on therapy was the better investment, yeah? Just the practical, accounting side of me pointing that out.)

DBT exercises are drummed out and not allowed. HSP's have no place on BPDR. (For crying out loud! Just get thicker skin and don't take it personally!)

As an Adult Child of a Narcissist (which may be the cause of my BPD), I'm told to "go elsewhere" as my kind isn't wanted on here. (Was that sticking one's leadership foot in their mouth)? Another Adult Child of a Narcissist is told again and again, "don't take it personally". That is about as effective as telling the poster with the N parent to "spit in the wind".

The problem with the S/CL team as I see it is that there isn't enough variance, individuality. There are a few that I trust and know that they have their own minds, so to speak. But the majority are in the position that they are in because they regurgitate so perfectly the tools. And have the same views. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of thinking outside the box going on. (I could very well be wrong.) Their "judgments" about what is to be allowed and what isn't to be allowed is the same as the one calling the shots. Judgments about therapies, theories, studies HAVE to coincide with with what the main leader says. Because if the don't, bam, off the leadership team they go, right?

If the leadership team wants honesty, truly, this thread and many of us not afraid to speak up are giving you some good feedback.

I am no ass kisser, brown noser nor do I have a desire to be one of the US. I don't think I'm a THEM, either - what - members are THEM's and Leaders are US?

Sneeches on the Beaches comes to mind. Those with stars are better than those without stars...for all you Dr. Suess fans. (Note how the S/CL's have the most stars...I find that so ironic!)

How bout we are all a GROUP of individuals each working to find our own individual way that is effective for us.

And if this truly is a tolerant, safe site for people with BPD, PTSD, etc. and different therapies, well then don't just say that it is - ACT on it!

Flaming needn't be allowed on here. Now I am not talking about meltdowns and emotions running high, I am talking about allowing another to purposefully snipe at, tarnish, and intentionally hurt another. That is flaming. I've seen the subtle flaming that has been done on here lately, how cunning it has been done so that when the one being flamed has a break down, the one having the break down is called on the carpet.

I have radically accepted that the S/CL's will do what they want. But you said you wanted feedback and here is my two cents worth. Out of care, respect and consideration that the S/CL team wanted to know. Plus, I wouldn't have much respect for myself if I kept my mouth shut.

I see the team admitting they have made mistakes, and changes being made here, and that has been lately.

Perhaps people are confused of exactly what their roles are and how to play them. It takes awhile, and it takes making mistakes to find a good place. I know it has for me, and I continue to waiver in finding a place that says what I want to say, yet isn't too harsh and unempathic. I think the important thing is intent.... and I do believe the intention of the team is to become better and to do the right thing.

My message for the day is: cut 'em a little slack. If some of you were put in their roles for one day, you would fall apart. They take a lot of heat, and they are making changes. That's what I look for, and I see them.

GH, could you elaborate on this? I must have missed something. I've never had anything but support and encouragement when posting about DBT here, so I'd be interested to know what has happened. Thanks.

BTW, it wasn't ME that spent $45K on a wedding - I'd rather use that kind of money for a down payment on a house. But spending $50K on therapy? Damn straight I would as that is the best investment ever -myself, me, my life and my loved ones around me.

Seeking out like minded individuals - is that a "coalition" of sorts? Something not tolerated either on here?

Discussing how our mental illness has impacted our lives and the lives of our loved ones? How bout discussing how those in our lives with mental illnesses have impacted ours? I'd say that is a fair discussion as my having BPD is most likely caused by having a Dad with NPD. Now, there is a study sent to medical Dr.'s to look for certain PTSD type symptoms in middle aged women caused by being married to men with NPD. Narcissist Victim Syndrome

S/CL Team - you are getting a lot of the same feedback here. This isn't just ME "rocking the boat". NO. It is several of "THEM's" (heh) telling you pretty much the same thing. (That damn GH again, why doesn't she just leave???!!!) That's very nice guys. How bout if all of us who see these "problems" just leave? Is that what you want?

When you open a can of worms, they crawl out and then what you have is an empty can.

Marga, out of respect to another, I'd rather not. I hope that is okay.

Aqua, darling, you underestimate me and my responsibilities that I have in real life. Fall apart? Surely you jest. Again, that is one of those statments being made by you when you have absolutely no idea of who I am, what I do in real life, and volunteer positions that I have held and do hold.

Please, do make comments like that when you really have no idea of the person to whom you are making those kind of definite statements to as if they are somehow true and you "know".

I type too fast sometimes. I meant to say, Please DO NOT make comments like that...

Are you taking this personally? Because it wasn't meant to be directed toward you.

GH,

If you notice the word "some", that means some, not you specifically. If you choose to apply it to yourself and find that you can learn something from it, fine, if not, fine.

You have heard the saying that the road to hell is paved with good intensions? That said, I have no problem with the majority of leaders here and most of them are kind, articulate, and helpful.


Huh? Aqua, you leave me dumbfounded. I have no idea where you get these ideas. How would you know, I mean REALLY?? Fall apart? How so? :skritch

My point is that to deal with a bunch of bpd's who are obviously in less sane mind and can't handle their own lives as it is, certainly wouldn't be able to handle being a mod here. I know I would struggle with it, moreso than they are. And they are making changes... I see the efforts they are making to make people happy, and honestly, I couldn't and wouldn't do the same right now. So how could I expect something from them I can't do myself? And that's my point.... sometimes it's damned if they do, damned if they don't, and there are clear illustrations of that concept taking place.

In all candor, I'm not seeing a whole lot of open-mindedness to problem solving, (with some notable exceptions), but I am seeing continued blaming.

The blaming part, especially in a gang-format is easy. Helping to find solutions to the problems raised is what is difficult.

Do you guys want Ash to shut the board down?

As I see it, one becomes an "us" when one choose to indentify with a group, rather than standing strong as an individual.

I feel the same way. Thanks for giving me the thought today.

Aqua - that pretty much says exactly whom you are speaking about. YOU would fall apart. When you say, "YOU would fall apart" and then tell me to "not take it personally", pffffftttttt.

Damn, girl - have you ever spent 5 minutes with me or anyone else on here? If you had, you would know that I am a "high functioning" person with BPD. And my RL is just fine thank you very much.

Does Ash want to shut the site down? Or is that another veiled threat? (If you don't shut up, I will shut the site down! If you don't stop rocking the boat, you will get pushed over the side!)

Come on, Candle, you know better.

There is one on here quitting her therapy prematurely because she has been made to feel that her T attachment isn't "recovery oriented". That isn't okay with me.

T attachment and the therapy that goes along with that needn't be a shameful and/or guilt ridden thing. So, as a solution, let those on here that need to discuss it, discuss it! Without judging them!

If growing up with someone with a PD, specifically NPD is something I want to discuss with "like minded individuals", then let us without judgment and telling us to go elsewhere, cuz our type are not wanted round here.

If I want to sit and discuss HSP and how that has affected me my entire life, I think that is okay and recovery oriented. Just because the S/CL team cannot understand it doesn't make it "bad" or something I need be ashamed and guilty of.

Here is my suggestion: Walk the walk. Act on what the home page says. Stop judging others who are not exactly what, where and who you think they "should be". Stop judging based on what you think it should look like, what another's recovery journey might be.

There is another on here that has been flamed by another. It has disrupted the entire site. Favoritism is much like nepotism - NOBODY likes it unless you are the favorite or the nephew. I do see other S/CL's pick sides and favorites. That is one thing that you need to unlearn in a position of authority. How do I know? Well, I've headed a department of accounting and clerical personnel for years. I am an employer now. NO BODY likes a boss that plays favorites, trust me! Fair treatment for all.

Trolls and flamers are disruptive. My suggestion is to have hard and fast rules about such posters.

So, there are my suggestions. Perhaps they will be ignored because I, GH, made them. (One of the "thems" that won't kiss ass.)

If I've treated you badly, well that is something I will apologize for. But apologize for not being an ass kisser? Nope. Not on your life.

Ellen,

"There is no I in team" works well in the corporate world. But last time I checked, this isn't the corporate world. This is a Forum helping those with BPDR towards recovery and happy, healthy living.

Recovery IS an individual thing. So is happy, healthy living. Not something that the group does as a whole. Sure, group therapy is one thing. But that doesn't mean we all get to the same point, at the same time, in the same way.

So, I think you are agreeing with me?

Or did you misunderstand and think I meant one should be an "us"? I'm a little puzzled by your post here to me.

If you want to take it personally, fine with me. Nothing I can do about that.

And I don't care to argue whether you are high-functioning or not, it doesn't concern me. But I do wonder why it's so important for you to keep bringing up this fact over and over, and why you took my statement personally in the first place. Seems important for you to make sure everyone knows you are high-functioning.

GH, you need to calm down. You are posting repeatedly and loudly. You continue to post distortions. Step away and clear your head.

GH...

I'd like you to chill out. You've been heard. You're repeating yourself and no matter how many cyclical times you tell me (and everyone else here) that you feel there is an Us vs Them it does not change the opinion that some people agree with you and some people don't.

No one, no matter how articulate, educated, recovered, or otherwise is perfect. We all fuck up and then we figure out how to get back on track.

Nik

GH:

I've gone to great lengths to explain how mistakes were made and acknowledged, etc., re: the T-attachment issue, and the efforts we've made and are continuing to make to rectify that and other problems which have been here-to-with identified.

Moreover, Wondering has posted saying that she is NOT quitting therapy, bc of anything said here, and to assert otherwise, especially after Wondering's own words have been spoken on the subject, is to disregard and invalidate HER.

Denim has been given a temporary ban for her part in things. You'll notice she's not here = or did you stop to notice?!

I currently do not now believe that you are in this to find solutions, but to continue to stir the pot.

Why should the S/CL's continue day after day to take the pot shots and vitriolic hyperbole, I mean besides the fame and fortune it affords us, that is. LOL! :rofl

Yes, now I am pissed. Any rational person would be. And I am NOT talking about being angry at Jody either. At least she had the cajones to apologize about the things she felt badly about, stick to her guns on the things about which she was justified, (wisdom to know the difference :halo ), and commitment to return to working on herself and her own issues.

I cannot say the same for you, GH; at least not at this time. This saddens me, because I like you as a person and we have interacted about geneology and interesting thing s like that. I have seen that other side - the kinder, gentler side of you.

It's this continued line of behavior I'm not liking, (which is fine = I don't have to), but it is NOT you that I dislike. I want to be clear on that point as well.

Yes, I was spouting off about the Board forums shutting down, but I was not intend to be 'threatening' although I think you are correct in that it could come across that way. It probably does in fact. But, in a way, if I have become, (now = not up to this point), THAT frustrated and like a collecting punching bag, I can't fully rule out others having that thought as well, ya know.

Why are you still here if you dislike everything about it so much, GH? You have, certainly in times past, been a tremendous asset to this board and contributed much. We've listened to you, (and others) when problems have been pointed out. Why won't or can't you (and potentially others) choose [] to help us find solutions instead of continuing to blame.

Some folks are choosing to help, and we ARE listening. They are not kissing ass or whatever. There is constructive criticism in their posts, but it IS clear by the tener and tone of said posts that they are trying to help, and that is very much appreciated.

You are smart, GH. You could come up with a lot of good suggestions if you chose to. Why do you not focus your energies in that direction.

Look, we've all been in a position in our lives where we were feeling hurt or angry and wanted our 'pound of flesh' thinking that would help us feel better, but it doesn't in the end and I know you know that.

There is a choice to be made here = I think for many people. It comes down to trying to be part of the solution and not continuing to dwell in and on the past.

How about it, J? We could use your help!

Sincerely,

J.

This topic is now closed. It's gone off topic and grown to be inflammatory.