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"in the direction of truth and love." ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Ash's tag line on March 13, 2008.
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Wondering what this means to people.

I could go on for a looooong time about what this means to me. But I don't have a long time. So here it is in Reader's Digest form.

It means to me that with our words we create either Heaven or Hell. It IS a matter of choice, no matter how little thought we give it. Our words will either be uplifting to someone, or will be downtrodding. I know.. that ain't a word, but it works for me... I know we cannot be responsible for how another chooses to react and respond, that it's up to them. But often our choice of words is intentional. We intend to uplift or comfort. We intend to hurt or put down. We intend to be "right" while making others "wrong". And our words often have the effect we intended. So we DO choose.

As to it being Heaven and Hell... to me those places are here and now and here and tomorrow.

When we hurt someone, intentionally or otherwise, it's likely our words live on and pass to another in some way. And those people hurt, and they pass it on to others who then hurt, and on it goes... Likewise when our words uplift and comfort... the effect of our words travel great distances among many people.

Eventually, the combined effects of all our words will create on Earth the Heaven or the Hell that we have heard so much about being someplace else. To me, they're right here.. and right there.. and right now and tomorrow.. some tomorrow.. it will be ALL one way or the other because of our choices. And we're the global contractors who decide which place is to be built.

I have a hard time getting my mind around it because I don't understand the last part, "direction of truth and love." What direction is truth and love in? North? East-southeast? My brain can't parse it.

So I translated the statement to something I can understand, "Use your words to further truth and love." This says to me that what I say (or write) ought to be true, at least as I understand it. The love part is harder -- I could be trite and say that my words should always be encouraging, but honestly, I've found that sometimes love is tough, and I'm thinking primarily here about some things I've said when I've raised my children.

What makes you ask, smilin?

jim

I'm having a hard time with this one. I would think to me it might mean to be honest with the way we behave and in what we say. To be true to ourselves and thus with other people. And to think of the impact that our words and behavior has on other people as well as ourselves.

I also like IBF's interpretation. I do not believe in Heaven or Hell but do believe that we influence what happens here on Earth. We can make ourselves miserable or happy, and our words and deeds can make others miserable or happy.

I also believe that our words have power. I used to have a friend when I was a teenager who believed in "telling the truth." She didn't care how her words affected anyone - as long as she said what she felt. She hurt many people with her "honesty." There is a way to say things that doesn't inflict harm.

Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

What a great notion. I think each word in this simple statement has weight.
The author specifically says "the power" [of your word], rather than just "use your words"... That reminds me that words aRe powerful, and that power should not be taken for granted or used lightly and... that my words do matter.

"...the direction", if taken literally, translates into 'orientation', 'tendency', and/or 'attitude'. To me that is not nearly as B/W as Heaven and Hell. (Someone's heaven may be someone else's hell, y'know?) Like mobilene mentioned, 'direction' doesn't necessarily tell us where to go, so what I have to go on is my intent.

To use [the power of] words for "Truth" only can hurt feelings, damage relationships, and cause unnecessary grief. To use [the power of] words for "Love" only can compromise the integrity of Truth - and so can also be hurtful in the long run. So I must be mindful of both.

just my fourteen cents...
thanks for the space to contemplate,
~ jr

JR touches on the balance I strive toward and often come up short against.

In my 12-Step work, there are references to "rigorous honesty". Some people seem to go right past "rigorous" and into "brutal". Truth without Love. That can be very hurtful under the guise of "helping". Even worse, most of those same people try to deflect any negative response to their "suggestions" by claiming "I was just being honest" or "you just don't want to know the truth!". Which reminds me of the way my mom would say hurtful things and laugh it off as a joke or say "it's for your own good". JUST being honest misses out on the spirit of caring that "should" go along with it.
[BTW - most of the references in the Big Book speak of rigorous honesty with ourselves. Honesty with others is a good thing, but not as important to our recovery our ability to tell ourselves the truth.]

Love without honesty does no-one any favors...How can we learn how we appear to others if nobody tells us? How can I find out what is and is not appropriate behavior if no-one speaks up? I grew up in an unhealthy environment, I did not have healthy people as role models, and I did not develop very good "radar" for healthy/unhealthy. To love me without giving me feedback is really just enabling me to remain unhealthy. And is that really love?

But the balance is very hard for me. I notice behavior that (I feel) deserves to hear a little truth - but by that time, I'm already bothered. I only notice ill behavior when it bothers me. I'd like to be more perceptive than that, but I'm willing to admit that I'm not. If it doesn't strike a nerve with me, I probably do not notice...But if my nerve has been struck, I may not always respond with the caring aspect of correction!

I know that I also come from the "direction" of "yeah, that happened so here's what you ought to do NOW". Maybe it's my "male" brain or the fact that I'm an engineer or perhaps I'm just not that sympathetic. Or perhaps it's my recovery philosophy - how I got here is not as important as what I intend to do with today. But it often isn't the best approach - especially not with people in the throes of strong emotions! I can say "I know you're upset and I can see why you're upset, but sitting here is going to keep the pain coming. If it bothers you this much, try doing this instead." That doesn't usually work...

Ahk! off-topic and rambling. WAY too early for a Saturday morning.

I think he ends up defining love for us with that statement. I'd expect something like that from the author of "Mastery of Love". And I personally buy the definition I'm seeing.

I'm not sure about the balance issue. But I'm pretty sure about the presence issue and for me, that's the key to the definition.

Can there be truth without love? Of course.

Can there be love without truth? Not so easy. Perhaps not at all. If so, that means among other things that we choose love even when the truth feels bad. Doesn't mean tolerating the bad fact. Doesn't mean ignoring the bad fact.

Love = Acceptance of the fact of the person, cat, dog, squirrel... truth, warts, horrible grooming and toilet habits and all.

If that connects with my earlier post in this thread.. does that then mean that

Acceptance (Love) = the path to Heaven on Earth. And that...
Rejection (Opposite of love) = path to the "other place" on Earth?

Could this have something to do with rejection feeling so inherently terrible to people with BPD?

ibfuddled, I can appreciate the definite connection between Love and Acceptance - I think that's what 'agape love' is...? I don't necessarily get Rejection being the antithesis of Love, tho. (Some folks might think 'indifference' is the opposite? or is that a form of 'rejection'...?)


No one likes rejection, although some people find it relieving in the face of a more 'terrible' alternative: being seen for what they believe [or have been conditioned to believe] they are. This thought refers to my comment that one person's Hell is not necessarily another's.


I still stall at bringing Heaven and Hell into the equation at all. Perhaps, even tho I consider myself spiritual, I don't subscribe easily to a notion of those two places or states of mind. It's better for me to use more of a sliding scale. Maybe it's just a matter of personal preference...

~ jr