BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Here's what I think:

That many in the Community have, I think rightly, expressed displeasure/distress at some of the things that various people have observed about the managerial operation of BPDR and in the Leadership Team.

That the Leadership Team has, collectively and through various voices of its members, acknowledged that some mistakes have been made and that errors in judgment and behavior have occurred.

I also believe that the leadership team has actively 'listened' and done their best to really 'hear' the concerns expressed by members of the Community, and have, further, examined ourselves and each others' attitudes, statements, actions and goals going forward, and have resolved to make changes that seem the right ones to make and that very much take into account the input of the BPDR Community at large.

Now, it seems like all individual members which comprise the entirety of BPDR, (whether they be general community members or s/cl's), need to make an individual decision for him or herself, whether they believe they can move forward from what has happened in the past and return to our individual and collective journey[s] toward recovery here at BPDR, or whether BPDR is simply not, (or perhaps was, but is no longer), the right place for us any longer.

If not, I think, rather than to continue to rehash things that have already been covered, one should find a community that better fits their current needs and concerns more effectively.

Of course, having said that, members should certainly continual to feel free to raise new issues or concerns should they arise, or seek to re-visit past issues should they continue after a reasonable period of time has gone by and if, at that point and after careful reflection, a member or members believe a problem which has been addressed is continuing to be a problem or has not been sufficiently resolved.

I (nor, imo, do the rest of the s/cl team although I am not speaking for anyone else in this post) do NOT want to lose any members. But at some point it really is time to choose whether one can or wants to move beyond previous difficulties, and to effectively and proactively participate within the recovery-focused environment that BPDR and its Community at large continually seek to offer and provide.

Sincerely,

Candle

Is the CL team going to give the community at large any clue as to what those said issues that have been voiced; agreed to be looked at are or is that between the said individual who brought it up and the said CL who heard it.. hence the rest of the community sits and wonders and guesses at what may / may not have been deemed an issue worth being addressed?

Smilin':

Do you believe that those issues and responses to same from leadership members cannot adequately be discerned from the various posts of recent days?

If you are asking me whether some kind of decree will be forthcoming, I would say that the answer is probably not.

Those that have raised the concerns, as you have, and been involved/invested in the outcomes of the various discussions, likely have sufficient information from the responses they received, (or that others received on related issues), to make an informed decision for themselves whether they wish to remain at BPDR.

Are the leadership discussions amongst ourselves and in critical and candid examination of ourselves made in furtherance of our goal of the well-being of the Community and its members going to be posted? No. We did, and are continuing to do a collective SELF examination, in order to try to be more effective in our roles here at BPDR.

These discussions are NOT about other people, they are about our individual selves; sort of like you guys' working groups which you do in email and are not posted (unless you choose to post them), or like a persons' journeling to themselves, a portion of which they may choose to post, but typically the purpose of such activities is to critic one's self.

I cried all day yesterday and wanted to flush myself down the toilet yesterday, Smilin', and, whether that was a formal part of our internal critic, it was a factor for me. Should I be required to share that, (which I just did :shysmile ), with the entire community, because I happened to mention my particular 'head-space' during the course of the discussion of how to make things better.

No, I don't think so, and I don't think such bits of self-revelation of vulnerability or self-beliefs about ones' one flaws or foibles ought to be required to be posted.

I think, just speaking for myself, it is sufficient to say what I have posted, elsewhere, which is that I [as well as other members of the s/cl team], feel and felt distress in extremis at what has been going on; at seeing people all around upset, that some folks feel a divisiveness, unfairness, inequality, ignored, disenfranchised, invalidated, mistrustful, etc. here at BPDR and that discussions were had so that each of us can figure out how we can be better leaders and work on whatever self-evaluation or critiqued foible/flaw/issue/trigger/issue, etc., might be getting in the way of that.

Candle

Ummm...

am a bit lost here, Denim, on all that my question brought up.

It's clear that I angered you and that you are hurt and perhaps frustrated also. I'm not going to take it personally because I think it was a fair question to ask.

You said that things were brought to your (scl team in general) attention- some on the board and some in pm. You said the team was taking a look at them, I thought it may be helpful to the community to know what they were.

It's clear you don't agree. So be it.

Thanks for your time.

correction - sorry

Dunno where I pulled denim from or why. dont think Ive had a conver with her in a while..

meant to say candle

sorry for the confusion

Upon further reflection I need to return here and state that I do not feel that I was wrong for asking the question. I also feel that your reply Candle was unduly harsh for the circumstances. I didn't see me attack you (or anyone); I didn't see me provoke in any way, yet your reply was pretty terse and quite pointed in implying I've done something wrong.

Again, not sure why that brought what it did for you, but I don't feel it was appropriate for the situation.

May I step in? Will I regret it? Hope not.

Smilin' I agree that there was nothing wrong with you posing the question. It was a fair question considering the breadth and emotional intensity of the issues being discussed.

And I don't see anything amiss about Candle's answer either. Try as I might, I don't see anger frustration or harshness pointed at you. I think I see a bit of tension in Candle's reply, but it would be a guess because I cannot know what she was feeling without asking and checking it out. Nobody can. I can't see "terse" anywhere in that reply.

There are raw feelings all over the board about this stuff. Our responses today will make tomorrow either more raw or less raw.

I hope all will cut you some slack and agree that the question was quite legitimate. And I hope you will cut Candle some slack and consider the possibility that although her answer to your question was an emphatic "no" that it was not presented with anger or harshness.

I do not think you were wrong to ask the question(s) either, Smilin'.

I just don't guess that I can do more to answer them satisfactorily.

Perhaps you'll find your discussion with Jim more helpful.

Thanks also, Bill, for your reply.

Candle

I wasn't discounting what you said the first time, Candle, nor did I ask for further discussion. I only stated what I felt from the words as they were presented on the page. IBF has stepped in to offer another perspective from mine. Thanks, IBF.