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It will be 5 weeks since my last session, and this is supposed to be my final "regular" session. I've been too busy to think so much about it, though I wrote my T an emotional poem that I want to read. ATM, I'm a little annoyed with her about something I asked her, so I'm afraid I will not fully experience the feelings of it being my last session. I will probably have a delayed reaction, though. I hope I will get support here when I need it. I've had some rough times this past week, and I've coped by myself. I don't know what I want to do at the last session, bring up recurring problems or just say good-bye. I will have to play it by ear. Maybe I will ask her to sum up our therapy. I've done that; now it's her turn. Any ideas?

My T and I did some final type things, he made me feel it was a graduation of sorts. I'm sure everyone is different, and I was a pretty spardic participant, he knew most of my help came from this place, so he basically gave me "permission" to keep working here.

I like the idea of summarizing what you've learned in therapy. Maybe make a list of "survival" techniques if you run into problems. At this point I cannot fathom leaving my T so don't have too much to offer. Usually when I left therapy it was because I was moving out of town. Plus the doctors I saw I usually clashed with (they were the ones who called me neurotic and got me addicted to drugs), so they were not exactly wonderful goodbye sessions. I of course had a terrible time saying goodbye to my first T (the one I got real attached to). My 2nd T was named Ruth. I tried to recreate a similar relationship with her that I had with my first therapist, but of course that didn't work.

I'm sure your goodbye session will be a lot of playing-it-by-ear. One thing I would caution against is not doing anything to get yourself angry and/or upset with her. That's not a good way to say goodbye. Even though you might see her out in the community, you really want good closure here. You're really going to have to try to move on in your life and it will be difficult to do if you haven't really closed the door. I would even go so far as to try to not see her in the community for a while, if you can. You need to build up your strength and learn that you can indeed get along without her.

These are just my opinions - you can take them or not. Just my thoughts on how I would do it, I guess. You have a few more days to ponder what you're going to do. I just wish you luck and hope things turn out in your best interests!

It's just so amazing that you're really doing this Wondering! I hope the session goes well. It seems right to keep an open mind about what will transpire at the time.

Celebrate the freedom this choice brings you!

Wow. I'm so proud of you. I've never had a final session with any of my Ts before - I always just quit going. I take that back - there was one I stuck it out for, but only one. This is big stuff, and here you are, walking through it. That's great!

I think it's good to keep the mind open. If we go into something with all sorts of expectations, we stand a good chance of being let down. Mindfulness, living in the moment. Better to go in with a blank slate than spend the whole time back up in your head, trying to "get it right"...a lot of the time we spend up in our heads is time we lose in the moment.

Wishing you the best and hoping good thoughts your way!

I have this book titled When to Say Goodbye to Your Therapist sitting next to my computer since I pulled it off my bookshelf to look at for Amanda and I thought I would include these words from the book here for you:



I have never done the whole "goodbye" thing other than a phone call to cancel all further appointments so I don't have any personal experience with this. I did have to do the "goodbye" thing at church this past weekend, though, since we will start looking for a church closer to our new home instead of traveling to the church we have attended the past few years. Instead of saying "goodbye" to anyone I instead said "this is our last day" and explained that I can't afford the $10 a week in gas to continue driving so far for church. People knew we moved and they sort of expected us to be leaving the church at some point anyway. Most people wished me success in finding a new church so there weren't any awkward moments where we had to figure out how to handle a formal "goodbye" gesture. I pretty much left it up to individuals as to how they wanted to say "goodbye" to me and my kids as some people like to hug or stuff like that (which I have become better at tolerating over the years for the benefit of other people while it is not something I have a desire to do myself). I also gave my pastor and his wife a religious thank-you card as I headed out the door since I had already sent an e-mail stating that we would not be able to keep commuting to church and would need to start looking for another church. I think the nature of groups is that people come and go so it just happens without needing to be any sort of formal parting. We will probably stay in touch with a few families that have become friends, especially my older daughter's friend who is being treated for bone cancer for the second time because it came back and has now spread to other parts of her body so that it will very likely end up killing her this time (which will make a much harder "goodbye" if it comes to that).

Wondering, I think you will do great however your final session happens. You are ready to move on to a new chapter in your life so you have a lot to look forward to without needing to keep looking back. Just be open to letting things happen without thinking too much about it.

Hey Wondering --

I just want to wish you well tomorrow. I know it will be a day of many mixed feelings. Hopefully most of them will be good -- a sense of gratefulness that you've had this dear person helping you and guiding you, and also a sense of pride that you've come such a long way and are now ready to tackle life on your own. I'm sure there will be some fear, too, but hopefully not too much.

I like MInx's advice about going in to your session with an open mind rather than having a plan and being too concerned with "getting it right." Read your poem, and then just let the rest sort of happen.

((Wondering))

Yep. Totally. Go with the flow, ride it out, see what happens.

I'll be thinking of you too.

Remember - it's not "goodbye" so much as "see you later". It's not final like death. It's more like you're headed off to college and she'll always be there for you if you need her.

I want to thank everyone for replying and for offering suggestions and support. I will post tomorrow and let you know how I am.

It went well! Not perfect, and not my fantasy session of breaking down or crying (I didn't even shed a tear until I was out the door) but good enough. Good enough to make me feel satisfied, though I am sad. I told her I'd probably have a delayed reaction and cry, and she said crying was okay, or something like that (I hardly ever remember her exact words).

We actually had almost a regular session, because I had left her a message last week and she asked me about that issue. Then I read my poem and she loved it! She asked if I posted it on the board, and I said "no", I thought it was too personal. But she thought it was such a good portrayal of how some people with BPD get attached to their Ts, that she wants to show it to a colleague! So, maybe I will post it in another thread. She said it was the best, most beautiful good-bye present (something to that effect) that she ever received!! Of course that made me feel good.

She told me that she's proud of me, and that I've done well. Of course she said if/when I have a need to see her in the future, she will always find time for me. She also said she will always talk to me when I see her in public, because I like it when she does. Then, when it was time to go, she got up and offered to hug me, if I was comfortable with it! I hadn't expected that at all, and I said "I'll deal with it--yes". Of course I don't remember what it felt like--yes, I do now that I think about it. It was nice!

I went to Curves with a friend afterward, then to a long lunch with her (she knew it was my last session), and then to my appointment with my internist. It was a very long day, and I'm drained.

I feel sad, and writing this post makes me cry, but I'm not depressed. I wish therapy never had to end, but I realize it's the relationship with her I didn't want to end. I told her that I keep the note she gave me on my dresser, and when I look at it, I feel better. Especially the "Love, _______" . I said I'm not obsessing about it, though. She said there will be a time when I can put it away.

I think I will post my poem since my T was the one who suggested I do so! Maybe it will help someone.

(((wondering))) Take care of you.

This session was what I was hoping you would experience! You got the closure you needed, even though it is open-ended. And she appreciated your poem and showed that she cared by hugging you. What better way to say goodbye? You really have progressed and come a long way! You have much to be proud of!!!!

Wondering,

I'm really thrilled for you!! I'm so glad she liked the poem, and it's nice that you'll still have opportunities to see and talk to her in real life. You have done a great job!!!

I'm glad it went well for you. I think, in some ways, not perfect is better than perfect. *off to read the poem*

Remember, we're still here for you.

Thanks for the support. I feel good about leaving therapy. I'm rather surprised, but glad that I'm not depressed about it. I'll enjoy the feelings while I have them!