BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Today I went to my new therapist. Well, "new" in the sense that it's been the third visit I've had with her, but I can already tell she's finally the right therapist for me.

She's the right therapist because she found the real reason why I've lost all motivation, it's not because of depression so much because I can be extremely happy and content most days. She got right down to the core and realized what's really "wrong" with me. She actually listened when I said my mom abused me, she's the first therapist, and really adult, to believe me.

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 19, I'm 20 now. When I was diagnosed with ADHD it was a relief. But today, today I was diagnosed with BPD. My therapist told me my condition had a name and when she asked if I wanted to know the name of it BPD was the last thing I expected to hear. Mainly because someone had sent me to a website months ago which totally blamed BPD people, now my therapist is saying my mom is a major reason for my disorder. This other BPD site was made for parents of BPD children. It really depressed me and hurt me when I went back to read it today, it made me feel guilty. I know I've hurt people, but what about the people [my mom especially] who hurt me? That site made BPDs sound evil and horrible, it's probably why I felt so surprized when my therapist said I had it.

I've looked at a lot of other websites, and I've browsed this one as well and I know it's what I have. I'm shocked by the symptoms that I thought were just my own random oddities having a name!

So I guess I'm trying to say...I'm scared, but I'm excited. I want to be on the road to recovery because I don't want to keep sabatoging myself, I want to be the real me that I know is inside. I'm tired of being angry and depressed. Yet I'm also scared of how hard this will be and what will be brought up.

I'm just really glad I found this site.

From my viewpoint, the website you went to is biased and not very beneficial for your growth. Yes, you might have hurt people. But now you have your diagnosis and you can begin to work on you. You can learn how to change so you dont' make the same mistakes over and over again. I know your T said it's your mother's "fault" you have BPD. Well, there can be many contributing factors to having BPD, one of them a genetic predisposition. I'm sure the abuse was also a contributing factor. So now you can begin to focus on recovery and doing what you need to do to get better.

This site is recovery-based. There are tools you can use to help in this recovery. You can read other's posts and learn from them. You can ask questions here.

I know abuse has it's own particular set of problems and issues. I fortunately was not abused. But there are people here who were and you can talk to them and see how they moved on in their recovery despite their past abuse. I know it's not a straight line, but I'm sure with the help of your T, using the tools here, and posting on this site, you can learn and grow in your recovery.

I wish you the best!!!!

( ( ((( tkdchic ))) ) ), I am so sorry that you were hurt by what you'd read of others' situations and feelings about them. I am a parent of someone with BPD and, like you, was [oddly] relieved when I found there was a condition that pretty much captured the behaviors my daughter outwardly displayed. Even so, I'm sure I initially reacted unproductively to the confusion brought on by this confounding disorder and my ignorance of how to cope myself and even help my kid before I began learning rather than blaming.

If/when you read stuff like that, especially generalizations, it's beneficial to remember that those folks are not talking about you, not at all. Hopefully, they will come to accept what having BPD really means to the sufferer and figure out a way to become proactive in their own circumstances. If not, that's their schtuff. Do not take it personally. (Better yet, don't give those words any weight or meaning in your own journey; don't read where 'nonBPs' vent and commiserate.)


From my perspective, embracing the acknowledgment of a disorder of any kind, seeking to learn about it, and addressing the problematic symptoms is hUge. That means you are doing great! BPDRecovery is a superlative place for methods, support, and info...


~ jr

Thank you both for your comments. I really appreciate them.

I do have to realize that they were not talking about me and were making generalizations. I am working on that. =]

I'm so glad I found this site, I feel like this is a good place to understand and work on me better.