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I am having a hard time. I have been out of the hospital for 10 weeks. I am living with family right now but it is really getting difficult. RIGHT NOW I am very paranoid and panicky. My pdoc just increased my geodon to 60mg/2 times per day. I have been on geodon before and it worked well. I think I am starting to feel a change in my behaviors but my anxiety level is really high. I see my pdoc in about two weeks, what should I tell her?

I am also working with a case manager. She thinks that I am so high functioning that we hardly do anything when I see her and pay for an hour of service.

I have not had a therapist since I got out of the hospital. They sent me to this group therapy rehab but it was not my kind of thing.

We keep talking about finding a apartment and job for me but I am having trouble with these decisions. I really don't want to work retail because those kind of settings make me anxious. I do not know what to do.

My biggest issue is that I want to go to grad school... I have almost completed the admissions process. All I need to do now is the one-on-one interview with the big wigs of the university. I am conflicted because here I am saying that I am not capable to find a job or apartment and I am going to go to grad school to be a psychologist (I want to work with children and adolescents.)


So many things going on and I am feeling overwhelmed.

Please, give me advice

Hi juju -

You really do have a lot going on, with big decisions to make. When you're feeling a lot of pressure to make those decisions quickly it makes it all even harder. I know when I got out of the hospital it was quite a while before I felt able to make plans or carry them out.

Are you totally unable to get individual therapy? (Sorry if you've answered that before, but I don't remember.) I think it would really help you to talk things out with somebody who's objective and supportive.

Given that you feel so panicky right now, I wouldn't rush into any big decisions. I'd go see the pdoc whenever your next appointment is, and tell her exactly what you're feeling. Hopefully by then the increased dosage on your geodon will have kicked in a little better and you won't be quite so anxious. If you are, though, tell her. You have to be totally honest with your caregivers if they are going to be able to help you. That goes for the case manager, too -- if she thinks you're high functioning but you feel like you're not, then you have to tell her what's going on.

I think it's great you want to go to grad school. Maybe it's just a little bit too soon, I don't know, with your feeling so panicky and anxious. Maybe if there's some way you can start slowly, part-time, with either work or school, it would be easier.

Take one day at a time, because if you get too caught up in thinking about the future and all the stuff that *might* happen, you can get yourself so freaked out that you're paralyzed and unable to do anything. So stay in the moment, and take baby steps, and hopefully you'll be feeling better soon.