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I seem to constantly wish I had a terminal illness, or to be in a deadly situation. Is this normal for people with BPD and is medication supposed to help?

I can recall lots of times when I wished I was dead or dying...It kind of falls near "suicidal ideation". More of an idealization of death than an actual desire to kill myself. Most of it centered around that idea that I was so very unhappy being alive that I wanted a "grand exit". I can't say it's specifically a BPD thing, but it wouldn't be unheard of.

Medication can help with a lot of biochemical imbalances and it can help to slow and balance thoguht patterns. Usually medication helps to stabilize thoughts and emotions so that we have the chance to work through our issues and learn better coping mechanisms.

I take medication and i have a very good therapist. The combination has made a very big difference in my outlook on life. Are you seeing anyone, or are you considering medication?

I wonder if this happening for you during calm periods?

I know that for a long time I got edgy when things were going well. I craved the adrenalin rush. As a young adult, I used to watch horror movies to get me on that adrenalin high or did risky things. When one is so used to living on adrenalin, in constant fear, it takes a long time to get used to not being in that state. It's almost like being in that state has become ones normal state of being. It feels horrible; so one creates scenarios in ones mind or does stuff to get the adrenalin rushing again. Learning to tolerate the calm states was something I found really hard.

If this is the case for you, then yeah, meds for anxiety would normalise your adrenalin levels, but I think therapy would hep too. Are you in therapy?

i think those are "normal" for bpds. when i was in my early teens i told my mom i wanted to die of cancer. she was astonished. up until recently when i was diagnosed, i couldn't see what was unusual about my danger-seeking thoughts and behaviors.

as a general rule, feelings just ARE. not normal or abbynormal, not bad or good. its what we learn about them and what we do about them that matter.

feelings cant be judged as such.

I would call this an escape fantasy that has nothing to do with reality. You may not actually want a terminal illness, but rather to be able to escape life. This can be a symptom of depression, which may respond to medication. Also if this is a constant problem, it may have some OCD elements, which could also respond to medication.

I used to sometimes dwell on What If... I had a terminal illness or was somehow disabled from a serious accident. For me I think a couple underlying aspects of it were part craving attention (without really knowing it), part wanting to be in a position where choices were narrowed down. [I can get overwhelmed sometimes and wish for someone - or even fate - to just step in a 'save' me.]

Although I have anxiety disorder, I don't suffer from BPD.

If these are constant and unwelcome and bothersome thoughts, kat77, I agree with Ann in that it could be OCD which is manageable with medication and CBT.


~ jr