BPDRecovery.com: Forums

OKay, I am feeling very depressed right now after spending time with my family.
For some background I have spent the better part of a year trying to learn how
to cope with BPD. I started therapy in Fall 2007 which focused on some DBT skills.
I had to end it when I was accepted to a residential treatment program. I completed this
program in March 2008. It was a pretty intense program-three months but I felt like I really
benefitted from it.I have struggled with depression and being able to get along with peole for years.
The program helped me more than therapy ever did. Before the treatmetn program I completed an anger
management course so I have been working hard in delaing with my issues.I am feeling very stuck atm and
recent events have left me feeling very pessimistic about things/my future.

Today with my family I feltlike a nonentity,not a person. To give some background I have three siblings who
have good jobs,are
married,my sister has a beautifulbaby girl and one of my brother's his wife is pregnant with thier first child. My other brother
and his wife
just back from a trip to Asia.
Me? I don;thave a job,fewfriends and no significant partner. I get dates its maintaining a realtionship which is the problem.
I am so tired of seeing everything workout for others and meanwhile I stay stuck. I went back to school last winter and finished but
I still don't have a job. I really don;t feel like I have much value to anyone and therefore at family functions nobody talks to me
because they don't know what to talk to me about! This just feeds intome not feeling worthy. I am reallystruggling with this.

It seems like whatever I do it doesn't work out or bring me closer tomy goal-of being more connected to people.
Its very frustrating to see other people with bad attitudes,bitchy etc who still have friends in spite of their bad behaviour.
When I try to act that way people call me on it. It seems like there are two sets of rules.One for me and one for the rest of the planet.
Does anyone relate to this? Or can you provide me with some insight as what I am doing wrong/or not doing?I am beginning to think that this is my lot in life.I am just unlucky.

Yes, I have noticed that there seem to be people in the world who are bitchy and get away with bad behavior and who have friends despite it. I don't have an explanation for this. I am certainly not one of them!

Regarding your family, it seems like there were a number of topics of conversation you could have joined in on. Could you have asked some questions about Asia? Did they have photos to look at? I'm not sure that you were the outcast so much as maybe people don't want to be rude by questioning you. This could be a sign of caring. Think about how it would be to have a confrontational family who demanded to know about your job and love life! Just a slightly different perspective. Sometimes if I want a feeling of connection, I have to provide it, by asking questions and showing interest in others.

I'm actually impressed by your accomplishments. You finished school, you completed a challenging treatment program. Do you have a t who is helping you decide what's next?

Hi Ann, thanks for your response.Yes this is quite puzzling for me. I try to act more socialable, engage people in conversation but they don't
seem to want to reciprocate by taking an interest in my life and asking me

I did join in on some of the conversations and there were some beautiful pictures to look at from Asia. I was a bit put of by some of my
sister-in-law's whining that it would have been a beautiful day/picture if it wasn't raining. I like my sister-in-law a lot and just thought
that she sounded a bit spoiled. I don't have a partner much less one who takes me on exotic vacations! At the moment I'm not working and
my mum says that people don't know what to talk to me about.

Thanks! It has been difficult and now after doing the program,getting therapy I feel like I should just get on with things.
I do see a case manager once every two weeks who is very helpful. I haven't had formal therapy since Nov 2007 which was time limited CBT. It helpled
but I am wondering if I need a different approach now.I still struggle with forming relationships with people and I am wary of starting a new
job because of office politics. I am really good at talking myself out of doings things!

SP

It does sound like some therapy aimed at interpersonal effectiveness and communication would help. Also if you feel unable to get a job, then it does seem like more therapy could help.

What kinds of things would you like to be asked about? I'm curious, because back when I was at my worst, the last thing I wanted was to have people I wasn't very close to asking too many questions. But now, I do things like show people my art or my photographs, or in other ways open the door to questions.