BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi everyone. I have been here reading, but couldn't post for a week. See, my computer had to go back to the shop again and my sister's internet is too slow so none of my posts went through. Anyway, I have my computer back and I feel sane again LOL. :O)

this week has been very emotional for me. My T and some of his friends (also T's) are moving on the weekend. Their friend passed away and it is too hard for them all to be in the building. It is too emotional for them. I understand. but change is hard for me. I have reasons to fear bathrooms and that is one fear I have.........a new public restroom to get used to.

and I moved a lot as a kid and so moving feels uncertain to me. My T is really being good about it with me though. I have felt clingy in my head and stuff and today the phone line got switched to the new place so I could call his cell phone only til office hours were over and now i have to rely on email through the weekend. I am proud of my T and his friends for taking care of themselves but this is hard!

So my T and I came up with something for me to do on Monday. i am going to get to the new office a few minutes early and just open the restroom door and try to lock and unlock it to see how it is. At my T's current office, its an old building and the locks got stuck on me a few times so this is important to me. there are no windows in the bathroom which is good too. My T suggested that i just turn the light on in there and have my husband stand next to the door and help me so I can see the size of the restroom and be familiar with is (as silly as that sounds).

I think I will be ok with the move after it happens. I cried again today because i feel like they are leaving their T-friend behind by leaving her dreams. But my T said they are taking some of her dream with them to the new place. I was resourceful and used some craft items and made a new needlepoint picture for their new waiting room with the name of the office on it and a flower. my T really likes it. he said that I was turning my anxiety into something positive for myself and i like to do things for others with my own creativity, when i am anxious.

my anxiety is just up and down. I wanted to freak out at the computer people because when I got home my computer died again. darn battery pack needs to be replaced yet again. the motherboard was just replaced and last month it was the hard drive! and its a new computer! I was angry that the people did not speak the same fluent language as me and didn't seem to understand what I wanted/needed. after my anxiety peaked, I just hung up and called the store that fixed my computer. after going back there an hour before for the same problem, they all of a sudden realize they can order the battery for me! what a relief but what chaos! the chaos is getting to me. both internal and external chaos. thankfully i remained calm and got the same result.......I get a new battery at no charge.

sometimes its hard to remember to use my skills and i get totally in emotional mind.

Roo

What skills do you think would help right now?

the skills that I need to remind myself of are to breathe and stay in the moment. Not to say 'this happens EVERY time.......' stuff like that. And to stop the negative self talk. I was feeling like a failure for many reasons and all night long, my mind was reminding me that I CAN be ok and I CAN do certain things that I want to try for fun. I AM ok. My T isn't leaving me. It's ok to be sad and it's ok for the T's to be sad, which they are very sad.

So this morning I am up early and decided to work on creating my own support forum for women and create something that i have been looking for. some of everything in one place for women. I want to go to a support group around here but either they don't take my insurance or they are run in a way that just isn't comfortable for me and so my T said 'use your resources and see what you can find out or do'. so that's what I am doing! I love my computer to pieces and its my major coping skills in one. music, movies, keeping in touch etc. I have some RL friends and family who I can have help me get started.

so lets see how i do today using some of my own skills! be back later!!!!

Roo

That sounds great, Roo. I do the same thing (saying, "This happens all the time!") and I have to practice the same skills.

Computer troubles can be stressful. It sounds like you're dealing with your stress in a really positive way!