BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I have been extremely upset regarding the post under the Help forum regarding "Ignore." I was spoken to in a very nasty way by Ash and IBF. I have been upset ever since and spoke to my T about it.

He read the posts under that forum. He told me that this site is not therapeutic for me. He said the threads remind him of his 12-year-old daughter and her friends on Facebook. "You said this, she said that."

He told me that I should not be here anymore. So I am saying goodbye.

This site has provided me with a lot of help and a lot of answers. And I've made some friends along the way. You know who you are.

But I have never been treated in such a shabby way by others here. You also know who you are. To take words and twist them and put intentions on someone that don't exist. And to behave like you are right and I am wrong. And then I have no recourse to speak up and say what i think for fear of being banned. It's not what I would call "happy, healthy living."

You allow some the right to say what they feel and think. You allow them to say what they want, under the guise of "helping another." But if the other person tries to talk back, they get blasted. Not a very democratic way to treat people. Some are allowed and others aren't. I refuse to be treated this way anymore.

There is one person here, who was the topic of the Ignore post who treated me terribly. She also works under the guise of "I'm helping you." That's bullshit. She heaps insults on people and then backs off saying "I never said that." What a load of garbage. I will not tolerate that anymore.

I don't buy "owning things." That post WAS about me - about my hurt feelings and ensuing depression. People can't go around saying nasty things and expect others not to take it to heart. I'm not a robot.

So, you can do what you like with this post. I am not coming back so you can choose to reply or not. I won't be reading it.

As I said, I gained a lot of useful information here and a lot of help. But the damage outweights the benefits. I almost went into a major depression because of Ash's and IBF's words.

To those who I care about, I wish you all the best. I'm sorry I won't be in contact with you anymore. But this place is toxic for me.

I am new here. Does this happen often.

My own personal goal on BPDR is to master detachment to the point that anyone can say anything and my buttons won't be pushed, so that I can recognize anything others say as "their stuff." I'm not there yet, but I appreciate the opportunities to practice. If I can't detach here, I sure won't be doing it IRL...

I suppose that depends on what "this" means.

Do people speak nasty toward each other often? Not as near as I can tell and I've been here a while.

Do people vow to leave BPDR forever often? I'd say that happens a few times a year.

Do people take things personally often? Daily. Regularly. Almost constantly. But breaking those habits are why (most of us) are here!

You feel you were written to in a nasty way. That's your subjective reality. It's not objective.

I see things differently.

I already commented to you in that thread in relation to IBF's post, and I think it wouldn't be good to additionally comment here.

As for Ash, honestly, I see she was trying to be helpful to you, in line with what this message board is for. Maybe indeed this place isn't what you need. But you're feelings about Ash's post don't make it nasty other than in your own subjective reality. And Ash is not responsible for your viewpoint, only her own words.

I also think if a person was indeed the topic of that post, as you say here, than the help forum was not the place for it. It's the place for a post about how the "ignore" function works. But if that isn't what the topic of your post was, if it was really about a person, then it didn't fit there, and perhaps should have been, as others suggested, a discussion with that person.

""""My own personal goal on BPDR is to master detachment to the point that anyone can say anything and my buttons won't be pushed, so that I can recognize anything others say as "their stuff." I'm not there yet, but I appreciate the opportunities to practice. If I can't detach here, I sure won't be doing it IRL...""""

Ann , you said it perfectly. mastering what is mine to own, what isnt, how to tell the diff and how to not react in a unhealthy manner. i have come so far with this board helping me. even the negative things are helpful in many ways.

its everyones choice on whether to leave, stay, work or not. this is how i learn. to stay around during good, or bad, and learn no matter what,,,anything i can about myself.

i used to want to run so much when one thing happened. just one would happen..and i wanted to flee. i remember those days.

i wish you well, BG, whatever path you choose.

I suggest you supplement this with joining a guild in Wow .... hahaha. I think I heard every insult known to man in the few months I was doing that. I used to get so angry at what they considered normal (and felt threatened by it in a way that it triggered a lot of fear for me). Between this site and that (and the roes my bf and I had to go through in order to gain understanding of one another), it's a hella lot more difficult to upset me, although some things I can tell I have not grown past (such as, rejection).

I'm sad to log in and see two members leaving, although I hardly post that always pushes my buttons.

Ann, your quote is one of my major goals, thanks for verbalising it!

I appreciate Ann's quote as well. BG - If you change your mind, you can always come back, so please don't consider that opportunity foreclosed, OK?

Most sincerely,

Candle

2? who else is leaving?

She's likely referring to Wondering's post, which isn't new, but which is at the top because of new posts in the thread.

Bordergirl,
I know you said you are not going to read anyone's replies to this thread, but just in case you get curious and stop by, I wanted to say that I agree with your T. I think this board has become unhealthy for you and you should take a step back for a while. You seem to have gotten wrapped up in some emotional stuff and I think if you take a break from it, you will feel much better. I found that if I post here too much, I tend to get "stuck" on my issues and re-hash my problems too much. If I just come by now and then for kind of a "tune up," I am much better able to deal with things.
Good luck to you and hopefully we will see you pop in every now and then!
-NAM

I'm not aware of the other thread, BG, but if you're still lurking, here are some of my thoughts....

I think it's good to follow therapists' advice, but saying goodbye for good is a forever thing -- seems black & whitish to me. Can't you simply change your member settings to ignore those who are triggering unhealthy feelings for the moment?

I count you as one of my friends here, BG, & I'm sorry I missed this other thread!

It might not be a therapeutic place for you right now, indeed toxic feeling, but it seems to me that leaving forever sort of discounts the benefits & those who have helped you or those you have helped. There are pros & cons with everything. Surely there's some way to reap the benefits without becoming overwhelmed by the cons?

(((((PEACE)))))

Had I read only that thread, as I assume your T has, it would be difficult for me not to come to the same conclusion as he did, Bordergirl. Some of the things said seemed harsh to me, and my feelings would be hurt if I were you, too.

But the interchange was a snapshot in time, with severe comments made by a few. There are a variety of ways to deal with conflict or unpleasantness... resolution... avoiding the two extremes of staying with status quo or leaving for good.


Perhaps it's true that the helpfulness of this site has run its course for you, BG. Or ...maybe there'll be a time when this would be true again.


take care of you!
~ jr

My therapist told me to stop going to message boards when an incident on another board came up. It turns out he was just biased against message boards in general and thought it contributed to isolation. But I think he was wrong. Boards have saved me from time to time. I hope you come back and get a fresh start.