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Hypothetical question: If you were going into hospital in a city 250km from where you live, and where having surgery, would you want company prior to and after the op? Or would you be fine with the idea of being there alone? I'm trying to work out if it is a normal need to want somebody there for company and emotional support, or is the idea of being in a strange city and hospital by myself, triggering into old fears (or perhaps both?) and I'm being silly?

All the arrangements have been made for me to be driven there and back, but this person isn't somebody that I know well and they won't be sticking around the hospital with me, and so suddenly last night I got to thinking how I really didn't want to be there on my own and can't decide whether this is a normal reaction or not?

Would appreciate others opinions on this.

I could do it alone, but I would rather have company. I know people who would not want company, and others who couldn't do it without company.

Trust your feelings and desires on this. Then ask for what you want!

Me? I don't do personal stuff with other people but I like to face things alone! I always wonder though if it a bit of self harm on my part?

I think how you feel is real, and perhaps if I were to be you I might want someone there also. If that was what I thought would make me more comfortable.

I don't know - I would personally be torn.

I had my tonsils out - my husband dropped me off at 6 am but couldn't get back until 4 pm and I was done (ready to be discharged) at about 11am. So it was sort of an alone experience but it was in my local area and it was my husband, not some relative stranger.

If it's at all feasible, I do think it would be a good idea to have someone you know reasonably well and trust with you during the trip/surgery.

Someone who knows you well would be most likely able to talk you down from something if you need it. Someone you feel close to would give you a basic level of comfort. Being in a strange city far away, I do think it would be helpful (and certainly "normal") to have a lifeline back to home-base.

As for the hospital piece, I guess it depends on what you mean by stick around in the hospital. While you're in the surgery itself, I think whoever's with you 'should' be able to go do whatever they need or want to do. It's not like they could be productive by staying at the hospital while the doctors work on you.

If you're scheduled to be in the hospital for a few days, I can't imagine you'd want the person to stay in the hospital with you but I wouldn't think they'd head back the 250 km in case they were needed. I would also think that the person would be able to check in on you at least once a day at the very least.

If I've done the math right, the 250 km trip would be about 2.5-3 hrs each direction. If something happened (a tornado came through town, a flood hit, something happened back home) and you needed to clear out of town fast, I do think you should have ready transportation in some form or fashion.

Hope that helps!

Yes, it is a normal need to want to have someone there with you for company and support. Hospitals and surgery are a big deal.

I wouldn't expect anybody hang around whilst I was having the op and stuff, but I do feel like I would like somebody to talk with me on the long trip down there, just in case I'm feeling a bit edgy. I'd quite like to have some company after the op. I'm booked for an over-night stay, and we may even have to go down the night before, depending on what time they book me in. The person who is taking me is a man in his late 60's, a family friend, that I know is safe and reliable, but I'm not close to him and he's not likely to be much use to me if I need "emotional support." He'll just be driving me there, dropping me off, picking me up the next day and driving me home again. He's really only going to be there for the practical aspect of getting there and getting home again. I can't drive myself as my arm will probably be in plaster! My H won't drive in the big City - Auckland, besides, he just doesn't do hospitals, medical stuff. He's taking some time off and staying home to do his bit and to take care of the kids and be there to assist when I get home. I don't like it that he isn't able to handle this kind of thing, but I accept it.

The reason I'm questioning this is because I have had some pretty bad (even traumatic)hospital/medical/surgical experiences in the past, and I'm not sure if my sudden desire to have somebody close, with me, is due to the fact that this current op is triggering into old stuff, or whether I'd still feel that I wanted company if I didn't have those past experiences? It may even be both. But, I guess the bottom line is, does it matter where this is coming from? Isn't it enough that I've thought about it and decided that I would like to go down there with somebody that I feel close to, so if I need support in any way, I can get that? I've answered my own question - LOL Yes! Time for me to make some alternative arrangements!

Thanks all for your thoughts.

If you were my friend, Amanda, and you asked me to take you to the hospital and sit with you there after the surgery, I would do it and not complain or be offended if later you said, "You know, I realize I asked you to be here because of past unresolved stuff, and I think I'd rather be by myself." Because my job as your friend would be to give you whatever support I could that you needed, and to accept that at stressful times like this you might not know what you needed!! jim

Yes, I think it's a normal need to want someone to be with you in a place 2-3 hours from your home for surgery. I would feel very much alone and would want the security of someone there for me.

Thanks, Jim. It sounds like you'd be a very good friend.

Thanks, Wondering.

I just got home from work and read your replies and made the decision to get on the phone and ask a close friend of mine if she'd come with me. She is more than happy to be there for me, and it works out well for her, as her youngest daughter lives within minutes of the hospital so she can spend the evening/night there and catch up with her daughter, and be there for me before and after the op, as /if needed. I feel so much better. Sometimes it is hard for me to ask for what I need/want, and like you said Jim, sometimes it is hard to know what one needs and wants when faced with something stressful. Most of all, I frequently have trouble working out whether my needs/wants are normal/healthy or not but, it would seem from the replies I've had, that most think wanting somebody close, there for support, is a normal need. Thanks all for sharing your thoughts.

It sounds totally normal and healthy to me and I'm glad you've found a good friend to come with you.

I definitely wouldn't want to do it on my own!

I'm glad, too, Amanda that you've got a friend to go with you. I hope the surgery is successful and your arm feels like new soon!