BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Ok, I've made the calls that I'm suppose to. I've ran through my list and I've been unable to get a hold of anybody. I even called a friend of mine out of state and got his voice mail. It's getting on with the evening and I don't think anybody is going to call me back.
That's ok.
I feel a little manic as this doesn't feel like an anxiety attack or a panic attack but I don't feel right. So please forgive my rant.
I've been having a terrible time that past week and I couldn't place my finger on why. I figured it out today and my mood has been going down hill from there.
My problem is that I've met a guy that I'm attracted to.
This may not sound like a big problem but when I walked into the baptismal font back in November I was gay and with the freedom of being out of Indy was able to really pursue it. Well when I came up out of the water I wasn't gay anymore.
Not that there is anything wrong with being Gay. I was a happy lesbian and the Church accepted that about me and were just as surprised as I was.
So being really truly honest to God attracted to a member of the opposite sex is really freaking me out. I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to wait this moment out but it's interfering with me gettting things done. I can't calm down. As I freak out I'm not thinking clearly and all the things I think of to get me to calm down are rather unhealthy.
I know that if I could talk it out this would pass quicker, so I'm posting it to here. I'm really sorry, I'm out of options. I'm just trying to get past this so I get back to normal. I'm just sorry.

In the context you have shared, what do you mean by normal? No longer feeling anxious about being attracted to a man when you were used to being attracted to women?

Do you remember what it was like when you felt that first feeling of attraction to a woman? What was that like? Butterflies in your tummy. Maybe you were scared because you were attracted to a person of the same sex and you were afraid people would judge you. Maybe you just went with the feeling because you felt the attraction and attraction is not bad.

What happened when you dated women? (This is of course assuming you dated women.)

You said that after being baptized Mormon, you were no longer gay. Does that mean you no longer have an attraction to women? If that's the case, what is different about your first feelings of attraction to a man in comparison to how you first felt when attracted to a woman?

The attraction between the two is definitely different. Men and women have different parts and sometimes it's not clear on what to do with the parts you're not used to. That could cause anxiety.

I think it would be better if I understood what you want to do with this attraction and how that fits into your life.

Hm, have you considered being bi-sexual? I think it is hard to sort out our sexuality when we are not so sure what is going on. Society still does not seem to be able to accept people as people and sexual orientation (straight, gay, bi) as "normal" (who identifies normality anyway?). Maybe you can be attracted to both, men and women? As long as both partners are content and do not harm each other or other people, who cares? What this world needs more than anything is love, not matter if it is between men or women. I understand that you might be confused and frightened but I think that you should listen to your feelings -heart, gut and assorted other parts and trust your instincts. Just my personal opinion.....

I can't help you with any of the teachings of your church...
But I'm more than happy to listen and talk about attraction and sexuality and flavors in-between.

Straight, bisexual, gay - I see it all on a continuum, and I see no reason for people to be defined by any label. And I sure don't believe that we must live within that rigid label for the rest of our lives. We meet people and we feel attraction. That attraction can be physical or emotional or intellectual or any combination of those and other traits. We like what we like, and "beauty" IS in the eye of the beholder. Characteristics that I find appealing may well be "boring" to the next person, and someone else's "perfect" might make my hair stand on end. Men, women, PEOPLE - doesn't matter...we find something we like and we respond.

You sound freaked out that you are attracted to a guy. Would you like to talk about that a little? There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing unnatural. Maybe different, compared to the people you found attractive previously. More or less "socially acceptable"? The "plumbing" is certainly different, but "plumbing" is SUCH a small part of human relationships.

You do not have to DO anything about this right now, do you? I mean, is this a situation that directly affects what you are doing RIGHT NOW? If not, then perhaps you have the luxury of INACTION. You can sit with these feelings, you can even distract yourself and move on to the other things you could be doing. What sort of an answer would you like? DO you need to have an answer today?

Breathe. Keep breathing.

I am a Christian and I am gender fluid. What does that mean? Sexually I prefer men. But I was in love with a woman whom I married. She and I did not have sex. I cannot say I am a lesbian because I am not attracted to women per se. I was just romantically and emotionally attached to my partner. When she died I got a crush on a man and it was a sexual attraction. Emotionally I prefer women. Sexually I prefer men. When I am with men I act feminine. When I was with Sandra I was really butch. Thus the term gender-fluid.

That is my story . . . your story is yours but I encourage you to self-actualize or become the best person you can be. To me this means exploring and trying new things if you want to. If you are attracted to this guy I would pursue this attraction. I was told when I fell in love with Sandra that some "attractions" are like Even being mesmerized but I think they are just are unexplored inner selves trying to come out. Good luck, whatever you do. Remember change is good and to change we must "feel the fear and do it anyway."

This is how I process feelings . . .

Identify the feeling, write, talk, feel, forgive, let go, move on.

I hope I'm understanding your post right. If I am, I sympathize with your position. My primary attraction has always been to men, but I'm starting to accept that I'm attracted to women on some level as well. When I first realized that, hey, I'm attracted to this woman!, I was pretty confused and anxious.

I don't think sexuality is something that's hard and fast, especially if you tend to be more attracted to a personality than to physical features. I don't know if that's the case with you, of course.

What I like to advise takes a lot of practice and patience. When I'm feeling something I can't seem to process at the moment, I try very hard to just acknowledge that the feeling is there and that it's not something that needs action right this moment. When I'm in a state of upset (angry, sad, anxious, whatever) my mind isn't clear. If I try to process feelings when I'm not thinking clearly, I just upset myself more.

I agree with Nik, too: I think one of the things you should concentrate on is asking yourself what the attraction means, for YOU, and how that fits into your grand scheme of things.

Everything is temporary...
I've calmed down a bit talked to my guy.
I wasn't felling entirely well so thank you for enduring my rant.

I'm kind of in this transitionary period where I need to reconcile the person I was and all the goals and priorities that went along with it and the person I'm becoming. Also to realize that it's ok.
I can wear Kakki and be the scout mom, be straight, be a "good" mormon, be "normal" (or my version of it), that I don't have to be perfect but good enough.

With that said I've asked this guy out to coffee (yeah I know) that's been three weeks ago and I figure I've been blown off (that's ok too, I'm a big girl it's happened before [not with this guy]).

I'm just trying to get comfortable in my skin that apparently likes guys now. Either way, I have to keep the law of chastity so as far as sexuality goes...

Anyway, thank you for your feedback it was really helpful. I really apprieciate the support.

I have been thinking of myself in terms of "bisexual" lately but that is only when I am even feeling sexual at all. I am married to a man who is impotent (my youngest daughter is a Viagra baby) but then to me marriage is about having a family and sex is about having children so the two sort of go together. I have close women friends but it has only been recently that I have looked into my sexuality with women because it is only recently that I have looked at my sexuality with men. I am quite removed from the sexual functioning of the body and so it has been a challenge to get more "in touch" with my sexuality. I have been engaged in sexual activity since I was an infant but apparently I did not pay much attention to my thoughts or feelings about sex so that it is all sort of new for me. I sort of end up doing sexual things and then trying to figure out my thoughts and feelings after the fact, which may be a bit backwards from the way most people experience sex.

Kind of an update.

In around about way, this guy and I did go for a drink. It was so cool. Oh my gosh! We split tater tots, I drank water, got a good night hug. Some flirting. As much as two shy people can accomplish. Got some 'I'm interested signals'. As much as two shy people can accomplish.
Super Happy