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I've always had this hang up about my intelligence. I know that people with BPD tend to have low self esteem, but how do we fight that when others put us down?

I made a mistake at work. Someone's credit card was declined and I didn't notice that it was because of a problem with the expiration date. So my boss leaves this email on my desk with the correct expiration date and I noticed that in the email, she told the customer that I was a little slow. After making the mistake, she brought it up to me, and I laughed about it, like "what was I thinking," but after seeing that email, I want to cry.

I've always wanted to be seen as smart. I worked really hard in school..made sure that I got into all the honors classes. Now that I'm in college, I've finished two bachelor's degrees, one in music, one in child development, and now I'm working on a third in computer science. I want my doctorate eventually. I've been told by several people that I'm bright, but I think, deep down, that I'm not meeting my own expectations. And my boss saying that I'm a little slow for making a stupid mistake is making me doubt my intelligence. People always laugh when I tell them how many degrees I have. I want to go as high as I can in college because deep down, I think I'm stupid. And I guess I want to prove to myself that I'm not dumb. I place a lot of value on intelligence. I just feel so worthless, you know? I wish I didn't make mistakes. I wish I wasn't so scatterbrained.

"""I've always wanted to be seen as smart"""" why? what does another know? im seen here as not the brightest bulb in the box but guess what? i know my iq, i know ME and i know how smart or not i am. smarts do not always equal common sense or never making a mistake, spelling right, (my son is dyslexic and cant spell for shit but his iq is 144) ...really...what is smart? to you? to me?


"""I just feel so worthless, you know? I wish I didn't make mistakes. I wish I wasn't so scatterbrained."""

why does making mistakes =worthless in your mind? we ALL make mistakes. we all will always make mistakes. because our brains are human and fallible. and scatterbrained is also part of it. the mental issues, the stress, etc. i make so many mistakes i cant count them. does it make me worthless?

see, you can choose how you view this. and while my daughter has 2 degrees and made A's in school, she cant use a bit of it now. she is disabled due to her mental crap.

i hope you learn you can see yourself so much better. you ARE a very worthwhile person. your human.

intelligence isnt all its cracked up to be. there is many kinds and not all are a good thing all the time!

just somethings for you to think on !

Alot of my scatter-brain stuff comes when I don't focus my mind, and when I feel nervous. Do you think if you cue in on how you feel when you make the mistakes, that could help? I found when I focused my mind, that I stopped making as many mistakes.

The only thing that that exchange really tells you is that your boss behaves inappropriately. Putting down an employee to a customer is not a good business practice. She probably thought she was appeasing the customer, but what she's really doing is creating disharmony among employees. In other words, what she did is all about her. You could have a tested IQ of 160 and she would have done the same thing. Having degrees will not stop other people from being rude and cruel if it suits them to do so.

Being intelligent is not about never making mistakes. You will always have the limitation of being human.

Must agree with Ann on this deal. The only one in this picture who might be a little slow is the boss.

To me this sounds like the sort of mistake that everyone makes occasionally! It has nothing to do with intelligence. I'm sorry your boss was so rude to you.

I know in the past, something like this would have reduced me to tears. But as I've worked on my self-esteem issues with my T, rude comments don't get to me so much.

I hope you're feeling a bit better today!

I think your boss might assume that you know it was done for the customer.

I am with everyone else on this. Your boss' remark in that email was rude.

Has no baring on you as an employee nor on your intelligence it was about damage limitation for the customer.

Hope you are feeling better and have been able to consolidate his rudeness with your own discription of your capabilities.



The positive side to making mistakes is that you will probably find you don't make the same one too often again, it will increase your awareness. Mistakes are lessons not a definition of your character.

I ran it by bf who is the manager of 4 departments of a Nasdaq Corp. He said it was done for the customer. The customer is always right. Your manager might think you know what it was for. Don't take it personally, unless you ask first whether it's a personal thing.

I have tested in the 140 to 160 IQ range (depending on my age at the time of testing) and I still feel stupid quite a bit so I know how easy it is to take something like that personally. I know that for myself I get very scatter-brained and it is more of an issue of not paying attention than one of an inferior intellect.

If I score 97% on a test, I am beating myself up over being so stupid that I got 3% wrong instead of feeling smart about getting 97% right. It often comes down to having a "perfectionist" mentality, which makes it particularly painful to make mistakes at all. My father would literally beat me over the head when I messed up on something so perhaps now I figuratively beat myself up the same way. I am often afraid to take risks if there is a chance I will not be immediately successful or if I am afraid of looking stupid for not being "smart enough" to attain perfection. I am working on letting go of my perfectionist tendencies and being okay with making mistakes but I still have a hard time "letting go" of past mistakes when I want to be able to fix them even though it is not possible to go back and do that.

People often tell me that I am the "smartest" person they know but instead of feeling smart, I assume the rest of the people must be complete morons! LOL I also feel like being "smart" holds me to a higher expectation than everyone else so, while it is okay if other people make mistakes, it is not okay for me for me to make mistakes. The more public the mistake, the harder it is for me to feel okay about myself.

At international competition last year, one of our members made an announcement and referred to "Salon V" (as in the letter "V") in the hotel as the room where we were meeting for rehearsal and everyone laughed about that because it was actually the Roman numeral 5 instead. She made a funny comment about how her master's degree was not in Roman numbers and she seemed to be able to laugh at herself with ease. I remember thinking that I want to be just as able to laugh at myself and not take things so personally so it was a good example for me to see that making public mistakes does not leave people with negative opinions of a person. There were people in the room who did not get why the rest of us were laughing until it was explained to them! LOL

Thanks, you guys. I really really appreciate it. And thanks, Aqua, for even taking the time to ask someone else! :-)

You are all so right. A few days after it happened, I started to calm down a bit about it. And by calm down..I mean get a little perpsective instead of just being reactive.

It was a dumb mistake. And I know I made it because I have a lot on my plate now..with regards to work. I've had to get more done in a shorter amount of time since my coworker quit..and since I'm such a people pleaser, I try to get most of my work done quickly instead of thoroughly.

It's funny because right after I read that email I started to think of every other person who said something to me regarding my intelligence. And not the people who said good things...that I was bright, etc...but those people who were negative. I was so in emotional mind that it took some time for me to remember the people that have told me how smart I am. It's like someone will say something negative to me and deep down..right in my gut..I tell myself "see..you aren't smart." It's like I'm searching for negative feedback to confirm my twisted beliefs...that i'm worthless, etc.

I don't know. I know I'm intelligent. I think that I want to be a genius, though. You know, I play piano, and I want to be gifted. Or I surf..and I want to be the best surfer out in the water. I get one college degree..then I start thinking.."well..how about 2 more? How about I get a doctorate and join the Peace Corps and volunteer at the Mission twice a week? Why don't I just save the whole world while I'm at it?" There comes a time where I just have to be okay with being normal. That's what it is.