Hi EternalFlame:
I've read your post with much interest.
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I am finding, that I don't have enough air. I say this metaphorically, as if all the negativity that runs in my mind, or quick triggers to set off an angry flare, well that takes away my air.
Why do you think this is?
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I find I need to just breathe, just to relax and have faith. To fall backwards and well catch myself, not rely on somebody to catch me when I fall. That I can fall back and if I land I can get back up again, that would be the inhale. The exhale would be the letting out all of the negative thinking and replacing it with the positives, such as what I am grateful for in my life etc..
It seems like you might be 'loading down' the simple act of breathing with a lot of expectations ... How do you do when you try to simplify your breathing, while simple trying to be 'present and mindful' of the breath going in and out of your nose and down into your diaphram?
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I am quite new to this process, I have always had such positivity, but rarely do I use the positivity on myself.
I am my own worst enemy and I battle the mirror, and my thoughts and I battle what is deep inside me.
I find such good in the ones I love, yet I rarely take time to look at me.
I need to know that because somebody isn't looking at me, it is okay not to want any sort of attention. I don't love it but I lap it up, so many doctor visists, and hospital visits.
Have you checked out the other forums on this site to see if some of the tools offerred may help you to explore/understand what in your thinking might be adding to your difficulties/issues in this area?
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That people are all more complicated with shades of gray, including myself.
Great insight!
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See I see myself mostly more then others I see me in Black and White. I am either good or bad, it is either this or that. I need to know the inbetweens.
The 'Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking'/'Ten Ways to Untwist' can really help with this, especially since you are already aware of the tendency - that's half the battle. Finding the gray takes work for all of us. I find myself using 'The Five Steps' as well as the 'Four Agreements' a lot for this. [See 'Tools' in the blue box at the upper left-hand side of your screen (as well as accompanying Forums)].
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So this inner battle I find is taking up the oxygen in my world I have created.
So I am learning and wanting to learn about breathing.
Again, I would urge you to look at 'mindfulness' concepts as well as 'diaphrametic breathing' [sp?] regarding the mechanics of what you are talking about. The more metaphorical aspects are, of course, more complex.
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I am accepting I have this illness and the symptoms, mostly important the symptoms.
This, again and imo, is a really important step. Do you envision yourself moving toward recovery?
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It isn't wanting to breathe more it is more of I need to breathe more.
I sense that you are being metaphorical more than literal here, but I'm not really sure. Perhaps you will clarify.
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Does anybody else understand what I am saying?
Do you have trouble with this as well?
I use the breathing techniques for panic and anxiety, so I may very well not be fully understand the range of what you are saying, and I apologize for that, but I did want to respond and offer what I could.
Warmest regards,
Candle