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 Post subject: Please help before I totally loose it!
PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 11:29 pm 
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I have problems with change, and right now I am dreading meeting my Fiance's brothers soon to be wife. When I first met my fiance four years ago his brother was married to somebody else at that point. Of course that did not bother me because she was there before me.

Well this girl is coming in and becoming close with My fiance's sister who I am not close with.

I once had my fiance's sister, brother and this girl on my facebook. All of them took me off saying I was violating their privacy, because I told my Fiance things. Also that I was creepy. Basically how my fiance's brother put it. Right there both Lee's brother and his fiance lost respect from me. They rejected me!

Also it hurt so bad when my Fiance's sister deleted me from her list. Now today I look and the girl who I fear will replace me or be better liked then me is on her friend list.

I started an angry email, one filled with such hatred towards my fiance's sister calling her a backstabbing traitor, but I didn't send it I erased what I wrote and signed out.

I was the going to contact the girl and tell her not to mess with me and she will never be welcomed by me.

I am seering with such hostility, I fill such anger

I want them to know how much I hate them so they can feel the worst of the pain they caused me.

I want them to just burn from my wrath

So there you go the revenge side of Borderline

Bad enough I opened up and sent his sister an email about my dignosis since she was the one who thought so.

Please somebody help me calm down before I get really nasty towards these people! More like how to avoid getting nasty.
I have no problem being cruel and telling them where to go.

lisa

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Last edited by Trinity on Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
To remove trigger warning in title


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 Post subject: Re: Please help before I totally loose it! *trigger*
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:05 am 
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Location: Reality ~ It's a great place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there!
It looks like you may be seeing the situation as an "us versus them" battle and for people with BPD that often leads to splitting people into groups of "good" (those who take your side) and "bad" (those who do not take your side). You may think you need to gather support for your "cause" by getting people to choose sides but that sort of behavior just causes people to want to distance themselves from you once they catch onto the game. I personally stay away from those kinds of power struggles because they don't do anyone any good.

It could help to allow people to make their own choices rather than to see their choices as a reflection of you. People are free to have an opinion about you that differs from the way you view yourself but chances are if you see yourself as nasty and cruel, others will not need you "telling them where to go" since they will be putting as much distance between you and themselves as possible. If you choose to act in hurtful ways, you are not going to gain anything by acting on feelings of revenge. It is hard to be willing to feel someone's pain when that person is hurtful towards others.

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 Post subject: Re: Please help before I totally loose it! *trigger*
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:01 pm 
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Thank you for your constructive advice.

I am new with all of my emotions. I am a very vendictive person, who feels hurt a lot. and I know I percieve things wrong, I am not going to learn about this over night, right now I want to be able to jot down ideas so I don't hurt people. I already know what my actions will do. We all know what our actions do. But we still do them.

So is my borderline causing all of this? Or am I just rotten deep down indside?

I am learning how to cope. I didn't email and I didn't even do anything.

Infact from now on I wont even utter a word to these people.

I feel very hurt and betrayed.

Maybe I shouldn't be on this board. Maybe you come to this board when you are further along in the healing process of Borderline.

Me I just found out about it

Lisa

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 Post subject: Re: Please help before I totally loose it!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 4:37 pm 
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Just because you are recently diagnosed doesn't nessarily meean you shouldn't be here. I've saw you five steps thread and I think its a very good start for a beginner.

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 Post subject: Re: Please help before I totally loose it!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 5:27 pm 
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I feel so far behind, I really do, I never realized this was my problem and it has gotten worse.

I am trying

so thank you for the comment about the five steps

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 Post subject: Re: Please help before I totally loose it!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 11:13 pm 
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eternal, we all were new here once. we all began the same way. its fine your new and i applaud the step you took to come and post and want to begin doing the work! that is a very hard step to get to.

just hang in there and keep working daily at the tools. its a hard but so rewarding path we take to healing. welcome!

your not behind. your ahead of half of the people with any mental issue. you recognize the problems and want to fix them!

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 Post subject: Re: Please help before I totally loose it! *trigger*
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:49 am 
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Location: Reality ~ It's a great place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there!
eternalflame wrote:
Maybe I shouldn't be on this board. Maybe you come to this board when you are further along in the healing process of Borderline.

Me I just found out about it

Lisa


It is not important how you got to the place you are at now, what is important is the choices you make from this moment on. It sounds like you made some positive choices already so you obviously have the ability to act differently than you have in the past. That is how you will move forward.

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The question of suicide:
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 Post subject: Re: Please help before I totally loose it!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:41 am 
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I thought I replied to this but apparently this thread is one of several on the same topic. (In the future, once is usually enough. There's no need to franticly post in multiple forums on the same topic.)

Since this is the Totally Radical forum which focuses on employing Radical Acceptance, how do you think you could use radical acceptance to overcome the jealousy, anger and feelings of rejection?

Since you were "okay" with the first wife because she was there before you, do you think there's any merit to recognizing and embracing your own role as Was There Before Her?

Would it help to accept or resign yourself to the fact that this woman is being added to the mix and there's nothing you can do about it? Getting angry won't change anything - at least not the way you want it changed. (If you get angry enough, you might be the one asked to leave, not her.)

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 Post subject: Re: Please help before I totally loose it!
PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:21 am 
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A Person cannot recover from abuse while abusing others... I saw this on a board in front of a woman's center. I had not been abusing anyone physically but mentally. I know the person I want to be and that is one that is kind and strong. I don't need to enter into every battle I am invited into. There is a time when I need to tell people how I feel in how they are treating me, or to walk away. I don't need to stick around and be abused. But, I also have to remember I am only responsible for my own behavior and not the behavior of others.

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