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 Post subject: Bring it On
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:55 pm 
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I am Radically Accepting my life. All that it entails. I am doing this slowly, step by step. I am still struggling at times. I falter, I stumble, I fail at times; but I always come back to this Acceptance. I do this by continually checking in with my body. By breathing. By KNOWING that what has been cannot be changed and what will be is in my hands. I control the NOW.

It seems to me that my life has been a series of events that while unfortunate, are not insurmountabe. I am lucky in many ways. I remember that and I am grateful. Many of these event were beyond human control. Death, disease, accidents....such is the way of the world. I Accept that these events happen. I control how I react to these events. I am not perfect, nor do I wish to be.

I am writing this at this moment in time because it has occured to me that while I am going through quite a bit of LIFE right now, I Accept that I can handle this too. I Accept that my grandmother's death is okay. My family will go on. I Accept that while my brother feels the need to sue my aunt, that too will be resolved. I Accept that while I know have to deal with the fall-out of the dissolving of the Trust, I can handle that too. I Accept that my marriage is strong enough to survive. Wait, maybe that is more faith than acceptance. Now I'm confused. Let me go back...I Accept that my H is who he is.

I am off track here. Acceptance is...it just is, no judgement, no feeling. What do I know for certain? Let me work through this...take it slow, H.... I know that the muscles in my back (rhomboids) are killing me....I can relax them....done, posture up, shoulders down and back.....Deep Breath....my Illiopsoas is tight.....actively choosing to relax it......done......breathe....I am clenching my jaw (I do that often, it gives me headaches!)...actively relaxing jaw...done...breathe....now actively think about Accepting LIFE.....feel physical sensations that occur when thinking about LIFE......tensing of muscles...actively choosing to relax and let the feeling be....breathe....my calf is cramping, dorsiflex foot...no more cramp.....breathe....LIFE....Acceptence.....All is well....breathe.....tightning in my chest, long, slow breath to release.....okay now.......LIFE......Acceptence....

I am choosing to accept that my actions control my life. Period. Other things may interfere (death, flat tire, monsoon), but the way I choose to react will determine the ultimate outcome. I can wallow as I have been or I can move on and accept. I ACCEPT. I choose life. I choose all that entails, all the wild and crazy things the universe wants to throw my way---I'm ready!

Bring it on!!!

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"Pain is resistance to change."
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BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 7:40 am 
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Bravo!!! Do you think you'll make "Bring it on" a mantra at all?

If I had written what you did, I probably would wear a rubber band around my wrist for a couple of weeks to remind (visually, physically) that "bring it on, it's just LIFE!" is a valid expression of acceptance.

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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 7:42 am 
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You're doing great Harmonium! Keep up the good work!!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:24 am 
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Wow! That's beautiful and inspirational, Harmonium. I was breathing along with you; I could use that kind of exercise for myself. I don't take the time to breathe slowly and relax. Thank you for sharing it.

You have a lot of insights and strengths. It shows, even though you haven't been on the board that long.

Good luck with your T-session today!


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:43 am 
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Thanks for the encouragement!

I awoke this morning feeling weight lifted from my body. I just don't feel so stressed. I am going to keep reminding myself of this 'mantra'. I don't know about a rubber band, but a string would work. The visual reminder is a good idea! I am excited rather than nervous about my T time today. It is a good feeling. I am going to try to remind myself of how I got here and what I can do to stay in this good place. I am not overly-confident; I realize that I can go back to feeling bad, over-analyzing and all that other stuff at any time. I simply choose not to. I can handle this, I have handled worse.

Bring it on!

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"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 9:32 am 
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Good luck at your appointment!

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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:48 pm 
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I just wanted to 'report' that my T appointment went really well. It was good to see him again after such a long while without a therapy session. I don't mean him in particular, I'm not overly-attached, just it was good to be processing my feelings with a professional again. He reassured me that I was doing okay. He also agreed to see me on a more regular basis, but wasn't sure I needed it. I set up monthly appointments. He takes my insurance now, which is really helpful! He also apologized profusely for the misunderstanding about the appointment time the other day. He is going through new front desk help and having a hard time finding good staff and not overwhelming them. Really we got done early in the session which I don't think has ever happened to me before. He helped me see my issues with my H in a non-twisted way and helped me devise a way to approach my H about those issues. He does think that I am grieving, but that it is normal and natural and will take as long as it takes. He said no one should be trying to tell me to 'get over it' like my H has been doing. It happens when it happens. I AM moving forward. I am not dwelling, just grieving. There is a difference.

My H is coming home from his work trip tonight. I am looking forward to seeing him. We have been talking on the phone. I feel pretty good about what I will say and do in regards to my situation with him. I just need to believe in myself and stand up for myself. I have really come a long way in the past year (since my breakdown) but I still don't seem to give myself credit. At least not in conversation with him. I know I can do this. When the emotions are high, I begin to doubt myself because of poor decisions in the past. That is not the now. I will do my best to remember that while talking with my H tonight and in the coming days. I feel my relationship is at a real cross-roads and I really want it to work out positively. However, things need to change for that to happen. Wish me luck!

I am still in Bring It On mode. I think I will keep that mantra for a while. My T really liked it. He said it suited me well. He said that I sometimes didn't know my own emotional strength. That was good to hear. I need to get to a point where I don't need to hear that, but for now, all is good.

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Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:51 pm 
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Quote:
I was breathing along with you; I could use that kind of exercise for myself. I don't take the time to breathe slowly and relax.


I have learned many breathing and relaxation techniques from my work. Wondering (or anyone), if you wish to learn more, just PM me or start a thread. I am happy to share but would never want to impose. :D

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Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:41 pm 
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This is very inspiring, Harmonium. For me, in particular, it was very helpful to read today. Thank you for sharing this with us!

Most warmly,

Candle


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 10:24 pm 
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I feel the need to resurrect this post. Life is throwing me curve balls yet again, but ya know what?

BRING IT ON!!!


I can handle it. I can handle whatever comes my way. I am strong, determined, smart and full of life. So, LIFE, bring it. I'm ready!!!! I WILL survive this too. I WILL come out on top. I know it in my bones.

I'M READY-- GIVE ME THE WORST AND WATCH ME MAKE LEMONADE!!


:hobbes :hobbes :hobbes :hobbes :hobbes :hobbes :hobbes :hobbes :hobbes :hobbes :hobbes

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Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 9:18 pm 
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Wow! Thanks for "reviving" that post.....it was nice to read. I wasn't one the board last September....so it was interesting to read what you were experiencing then. It gives some perspective about how you're handling things now and what it meant when you talked about crying the other night with your H.

I'm really happy for you that you've come so far. You sound like a very strong, insightful woman....

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!

I know you're going through some tough times now....and I believe you'll be just fine. I've started to see it (life) as a test......I'm pretty competitive so I try really hard to do well. Every thing thrown my way has a lesson to be learned.....I have to discover the lesson in order to pass the test. It works for me......thank god it isn't a timed test though! I'd fail a million times over if it were......I still can't figure out what I have to learn from my ex......but at least I keep wondering.....and that keeps me from fighting.

:)

So ......Bring it on Harmonium!!!! I like that!!


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 9:32 pm 
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Thanks Skiotter. You really have been there for me lately, and I appreciate it very much. :biggrin

Quote:
I've started to see it (life) as a test......I'm pretty competitive so I try really hard to do well. Every thing thrown my way has a lesson to be learned.....I have to discover the lesson in order to pass the test. It works for me......thank god it isn't a timed test though! I'd fail a million times over if it were......I still can't figure out what I have to learn from my ex......but at least I keep wondering.....and that keeps me from fighting.

I love the analogy-- I use it myself. I've learned that life just keeps changing......so the better I am able to 'roll with the punches' as it were, the happier I am over-all. To flow; that's my goal. I fought the current far too long; it got me nowhere in the end. Now, I just put my own splash into the constant river! It's the forward momentum I try to keep. Not that I don't still like to rock that boat every now and then.......

I do believe this experience with your ex is teaching you (and possibly others-him, your children?) something. There is always something to gain from any experience.......even when it's difficult to see at the time. I believe in you-- you can work this out, you can *win* this challenge! Keep up the good fight!

_________________
Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Fri May 22, 2009 10:48 pm 
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I wish I had your stregnth Harmonium. You are truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

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 Post subject: Re: Bring it On
PostPosted: Sat May 23, 2009 10:12 am 
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Thanks, Pip. I'm glad to see you posting and I appreciate your words of encouragement.



Ya wanna know the secret? You DO have the same amount of strength! You just have to find it. :biggrin

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Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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