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 Post subject: Help with Radical Acceptance please
PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:21 pm 
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I’m working with radical acceptance as it relates to a recent breakup. I tell myself that it’s over; I know that it is over, yet a little voice in head says “I don’t want it to be over”. I know I didn’t want it to me over but it is. I’m mad, sad, and hurt all at the same time. I work the acceptance being good to myself telling myself it OK, I’ll be OK, I know you don’t want it to be over but it is and you know it. I work this for minuet of so and I’m accepting that I’m sad but OK with it.
Then ten minutes or an hour later someone jumps into my head and off I go down the wrong road. It irritating and distracting.
My mind will run different scenarios all coming back the reason I shouldn’t have ended. BUT IT DID! I will find someone else to balm then I’m off on the wrong road and wow – now I’m mad.
I’m I missing something or do I get keep working the acceptance.


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 Post subject: Re: Help with Radical Acceptance please
PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:48 pm 
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Location: Chicago
1. Reality is what it is.

2. Everything has a cause.

3. Life can be worth living even when there's pain.

Basically, Anchorage - Radical acceptance doesn't mean you're going to like it. It is not coming to terms with it and saying "Gosh, I'm happy about this now". It's basically saying, "Hey...This is this. I don't like it. In fact, I downright despise it. I feel a, b and c thing about it. And I don't like that either. But it is what it is, and I accept that this situation is occurring and these are my feelings on it."

It's not being in denial of the fact that something is happening/has happened to you. It's not denying all the accompanying feelings, or trying to force yourself to think and feel another way when you're not ready yet. Maybe you are not ready to accept that yet. And that's ok, in fact pay attention to that and note it.

1. First Notice

2. Make an inner commitment

3. Do it again

Notice that you're NOT accepting it. But make a commitment to do so. Small things, like acknowledging that it is over(not that it is over for good, not that you won't ever see their face again, take it one tiny step at a time, try to steer away from catastrophic thinking). And you'll keep on getting upset and your thoughts will be all over the place. You might feel physical tension, many emotions. Note that. And then you can steer your mind back to your commitment. Over and over again.

So much of BPD recovery work is awareness, first and foremost. And because I don't know a better way to put it, I also feel like it's sort of rewiring the mind. Sort of like a mental habit. It takes a long time to break a 'habit'. It takes dedication. There is no instant gratification in terms of going from X way to Y way. However, there IS gratification in knowing that you're moving forward even when you're stepping back - Simply because you keep putting the energy into your recovery everytime.

_________________
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.


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 Post subject: Re: Help with Radical Acceptance please
PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 6:11 pm 
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Thanks Miyasa,

You have made some good points.

Miyasa wrote:
So much of BPD recovery work is awareness, first and foremost.


I'll try and watch were my mind goes - I've been forgetting this one.


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