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 Post subject: I just don’t like where I’m at today, but I'm OK with it.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 1:34 pm 
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I just don’t like where I’m at today. But I guess that is the point that I need to accept. I’ve been working so hard and although I haven’t enjoyed the process I know I’m going in the right direction. The people around me and the focus of my major disappointment all seem to be doing fine and I can see that has bothered me. I’ve been hurting for so a long time and everyone else is just going about their lives and doing what they each need to do. I guess I wanted them to feel my pain and in many ways wanted them to fix me or at least acknowledge the work I’ve been doing. But I see that asking for someone’s praise is counterproductive. I can’t ask anyone to tell me who I am, this journey is for me and the results will be for me to enjoy and share with those I choose too.

If pain is the resistance to change then I have been resisting. I’ve re-read the four agreements and it’s hard to be impeccable with my words when it hurts to do so. It’s feels like I’m the one that needs to work at being the better person and no one else has to do anything. Yet I understand that what I do is for me and how this might be interpreted by others is their stuff.

Letting go of other people’s reactions to my actions must be about taking things personally. I’m getting much better at this, it’s just more work to do.

Always doing my best is getting better as I accept that my best will not always be consistent, but I will just keep plugging along.

I was really bad a making assumptions, I’m doing much better going forward. But this to will take time to ingrain into my primary response.

Acceptance, acceptance, and acceptance. – I thinking I’ve learned a bit about acceptance.

I don’t like where I’m am today – I but I feel like I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. And I accept that I still have a lot to learn and quite a journey in front of me.


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 Post subject: Re: I just don’t like where I’m at today, but I'm OK with it.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 3:29 pm 
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Wow! Anchorage, first off great job recognizing where you are at today and valiantly trying to use the skills to perceive the situation as realistically as possible. Good job!

Secondly, I think (and of course this is just my opinion) that you hit the nail on the head when you said you needed to let go other people's reactions. We can only control ourselves and our own reactions and if we are looking for someone else to react a certain way, it basically can mess with your head. I do understand when you say you feel the need for acknowlegement of your efforts because you have been working so hard. I hear you and just want to say good job because this is a difficult, but definitely a rewarding road and I'm impressed by your use of the skills.

smiles,

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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