Quote:
I know I’ve gained a lot from working through this and at least in part, I was not willing to let this go because there was still something unresolved. But what remained hidden was not really about the relationship, it was me fighting to understand what I needed to learn about myself in order to let things go in a healthy manner, it was what I needed to learn to become a healthier person. I needed to work through each of the emotions and gain a working understanding of them; I needed to be angry until I understood the reason for anger.
So, how do you feel now, Anchorage? Do you feel more at ease? Are "things" more resolved for you now? I noticed that you are posting a lot in the Radical Acceptance forum... do you feel that you have radically accepted that the relationship has ended and that it is a truth you can live with and move on from?
I can relate to your situation. If you look at my old user name here, you will see that about 99% of my threads were about my now ex-boyfriend and my struggles with our relationship and the multiple break ups. So I know that it is difficult when things still seem unsettled or you still have those looming "whys" and "what ifs" but in the end, the only thing that really helped me was to just let it be. Accept that where I am in my life right now is exactly where I am meant to be. And where he is right now is exactly where he was meant to be. And we, as a couple, do not work. And that relationship was a big part of my life for a long time, but it was not everything in my life. There are so many other important things in my life for me to focus on. Someone who used to post here gave me some great advice but I could not see the importance at the time (I do now). She said:
Quote:
relationships are gravy to life and to ourselves. they are not to raise us or parent us. they are not to work out our inner issues with another. each will have those issues. they are ours...each of us. not the others. they are not to complete us. "make" us happy. that is our work. they are the extra...the dessert to the main course of us in life.
if we can see it this way, a lot of burdens fall away. a lot of owning things not ours fall off. a lot of owning our own stuff happens. they are not there to stop us from being bored or unhappy. they are there as extra gifts in life.
I hope some of this helps you. I know that it is difficult to accept when you are still caught up in the whirlwind of emotions, but in time the emotions will settle and radical acceptance will follow. Good luck!
Chai