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 Post subject: Just following my mind
PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:20 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2009 5:04 pm
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My T suggested that maybe I was still hiding things inside myself. He called it the “shadow mind”, where people are not willing to see things about themselves and the more they are able to open up to themselves the better they will be at accepting life as it is.

I’ve taken this idea to a bit of an extreme; I just decided to follow my mind wherever it wanted to go. I started about a week ago and took all but a few hours off work this week and just let it run. I did my best to not block anything out and to not alter my thoughts of the past and just accept them for what they are. When my mind starting judging, making assumption, twisted thinking, etc, I would just observe then, as in meditation, breathe and let then leave on their own. When I needed to be sad I would or when I needed to blend thoughts I took the time and did it.

I’ve had many wrong turns and my emotions have been all over the board and when things started to get bad I would read about acceptance, mindfulness, and letting go and just live in the moment. I’m not sure this is or was the best idea but it seems to be clearing my mind and I’m not hiding from anything. Yes – there are people I’m staying away from but I’m still working on the thoughts I have about them. There are still things that I have issues with and I’ll need to sit with these and see where they lead me.

I not trying to make this the overall answer for me but there was so much stuff going on in my head that I just I figured since I need to live with my mind why not see what it wants.

PS – I did get out and socialize several times this week and that went quite well. But since I just don’t have anyone really close to me right now I figured it’s time to work on me. Although I do want someone in my life more now than anytime I can remember.

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