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 Post subject: attempting to radically accept
PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 3:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:19 am
Posts: 274
Holidays with family are stressful, and I needed time to decompress. I called on Saturday to tell work I wouldn't be there Monday because the train was having issues and I was worried I would have to take the next day train. I ended up catching my initial train, although it was running 11 hours late. I get in late Sunday night. I took Monday off to decompress and just breathe. On Tuesday, Sue interrogating me and after I explained about the train getting in late, she said "well I guess it depends on how committed to the job you are" Later that day, my boss calls me in and tells me my assistant has quit out of the blue and then he goes on to question my committment to my job because for some reason he didn't know I called on Saturday. So, Sue never told him and instead made a big stink about how I wasn't there on Monday. I think Paul probably got nervous because he knows I'm trying to go to grad school but he also knows that that reality is still several months away.

Radical acceptance - I accept that I am feeling anger over the whole situation. I can identify that I am feeling anxious because I don't want my boss to think I'm not committed to my job and therefore I'm working a lot of overtime now (right now it is Saturday and I am at work) and I am also feeling anxious because I have more items to complete for the grad school application - I"m only on step two of four. I accept that with Katie up and leaving and me being on vacation for a week that I am way behind in work. And I accept that emotionally I just feel tired. And, I accept there is probably a kernel of truth in the throught that I may not be as committed to my job as I have been previously. I accept that for me life means balance, and I need to find a balance between my highly stressful job and having time to pursue my dreams.

And now, I"m going to try to get some work done. Thanks for listening.

Oh - a P.S. about the Chris situation.. He still texts me every few days. On Xmas he tested Merry Xmas sweetheart. Last night he texted I miss you. And yet, what I have realized is that he wants to bake the cake and eat it to. He doesn't want to let me go, but he doesn't want to be with me. And I accept that I am getting tired of allowing him to suck up all of my emotional energy.

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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