I'm glad you are finding your way to acceptance, ManutdFan. I think there is some really good insight in your post. Good job!
There is one thing that I keep going back to though:
Quote:
If she was able to give me so much joy and happiness, it was only a matter of time when she takes it away.
Does this mean also that anyone who gives you joy and happiness can also 'take it away'? Doesn't that make you victim to others desires/whims? What about you?
I realize I'm making a leap from "what she was able to do" to "what anyone can do" and I hope I haven't misread your meaning. For me at least, if one person could do it many people could (twisted thinking, I know!). But that's the thing about twisted thoughts......sometimes they can be insidious and I don't realize it's twisted when I think it.
On another note.......no one is 'perfect'. No one. It can be really easy in a relationship (or during the fall-out of one) to paint yourself black (as in "it was all my fault) and them white (they are a saint) or vice/versa. But I've found in my own life that really neither is totally accurate. My break-ups weren't necessarily all my fault or the other's-- it's a combo. It takes two! The end product of all that is that I have realized that it just wasn't a good fit-- no one's fault really. My ex and I just didn't 'fit' together. And now that I have found someone with whom I do fit (my husband)......I dunno......even that relationship that hurt the most to loose (I was engaged to someone before my H) seems like everything worked out the way it was 'supposed' to .
Just some thoughts. Nice to see you working on acceptance.