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 Post subject: Knowing what to radically accept
PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 8:19 am 
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Sometimes the hardest thing about radical acceptance is knowing what it is one needs to accept. It's kinda like the serenity prayer. "serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference". But it's not just wisdom to know the difference. It's seeing something, and then applying that wisdom.

A certain someone I know, he's inconsistent in how friendly he is to me. Okay, that's his stuff. I accept it. I know it's not about me. It took a long time, though, to actually see that that is part of the dynamic in between us.

And before anyone gets the wrong idea, the inconsistency is between being friendly, versus ignoring me. There's no nastiness or abusiveness or anything like that. And it's not a significant other. So none of those sorts of issues.

It's also an issue of relationship boundaries. What's the nature of the relationship between us, and is his behavior, including the inconsistency, acceptable within that relationship. And the answer is yes. Though it's also a matter of what relationship I choose. Choosing a relationship that fits with what I get. Though that choice starts with accepting that he's inconsistent, and that's not something I can control.

Ellen K.

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