This is Huge Anchorage.....or at least this same type of realization was huge for me. Kudos to you!
I really like this:
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would be better for me to think of this outcome as unfortunate, (and delete my wish for something different). As an unfortunate outcome, it just seems natural that there was no right or wrong, or anyone to blame just an outcome and therefore easier to radically accept.
That type of perspective-shift in my internal dialog or self-talk as many call it is totally integral to my recovery process. I think you have really hit on something that can have a major impact on your everyday life, if practiced regularly.
The next step with this concept for me was to go back (in my mind) and theorize how I would have liked the situation to work out and what I could have done (or not done as the case may be) to get that outcome I desired. Working a problem or situation backwards helps prepare me for similar situations in the future. Maybe it could help you too.
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I guess my point is, for me, slight changes to the wording I use in my internal dialog came make a really big difference on how I perceive a given situation.
Perception = thought = emotion = action/reaction. Given this, by changing your perception about a topic or situation, you can literally change your emotion and actions surrounding it. I think this stuff is pretty profound and I appreciate you posting it.