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 Post subject: Forgiving?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 10:15 pm 
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A quick forewarning.. New to recovery and have mild hang-ups please bear with me :/

I accepted a long time ago that I'm a little, heh, unbalanced in my psyche. I just never had a name for it until 5 years ago.
I know that with any mental ailment, there are triggers that go along. Such as loud noises to someone coming back from war. Well, I only had 6 mo of counseling (lack of resources) so instead of wallowing I decided I would put my psychology knowledge to work for me and really really worked on becoming self aware of my feelings. my family just doesn't deal, its not acceptable to get upset or tell someone that they have hurt your feelings. The only way things were dealt with was through yelling, throwing things, hitting, you get the point. Needless to say, nothing was ever discussed. So I did months of research and paid close attention to the world around me for an idea on what is "normal" or appropriate behavior. I was doing so well! Until I met my husband, all of the progress I had made came crashing around me and I completely lost control of everything I had tried so hard at. The point is my trigger is romantic relationships. I can't say it was easy to constantly say my mantra "They aren't worth the anger... your not the one at fault... you did fine" But I did it and things were great, I even built my relationship with him BEFORE we got together!

So why is it so hard for me when it comes down to it? Why does all sense of control go out the window? Why do I FREAK!? I guess my real question is, why can I progress in almost every aspect of my life except interpersonal relationships? Is it normal when you have BPD to have a harder time with some aspects of "un twisting" than with others? Can anyone relate?


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 Post subject: Re: Forgiving?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 10:27 pm 
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Sorry about the double post. I didn't add my final question.

How can I forgive myself for the damage I've done when I have freaked out so that I can move on to recovery in this area in my life?


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 Post subject: Re: Forgiving?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 4:23 am 
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Leilah wrote:
How can I forgive myself for the damage I've done when I have freaked out so that I can move on to recovery in this area in my life?


Hi Leilah-

I wonder if this is something that can be seen as an issue of balance? Balance between change and acceptance.

There has to be a degree of acceptance - it is what is it, I forgive myself, etc. - to move forward. On the other hand, if we just blindly accept 100% of everything, then we don't learn from the past and we don't have motivation to change.

So I think it's not an either or / all or nothing. We can forgive ourselves - we all make mistakes, we can't move forward unless we stop beating ourselves up - but we can also look at our mistakes and say wow, I don't think I want to make that mistake again. Now, I might make the mistake again, and if I do the world won't end, but I don't want to, and I'm motivated to change things for the better.


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