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 Post subject: Weird day :/
PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 12:33 pm 
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I just feel like telling the world to F*ck off today. I know I have allowed myself to drop into this state of mind by blaming (myself and a few others) for a few disappointments lately. I know these issues are all in the way I’m choosing to look at my situation, as I have the choice to deal with this in a healthy manner, or not. I know that if I turn to the tools in the tool bar, I can turn this into a positive growth experience and learn much about myself and what I’m willing to accept and not accept in my life. I know if I choice to look at this as learning experience and look at the wonders of this day I can have a great day.

Maybe it’s just an old habit or the comfort of a place or state of mind where I had spent so much of my life. But sometimes it’s tempting to go back to the “BLAST OFF” state of mind and just rip into someone. It’s almost like a drug that I want to run with and allow myself to slide back.

Okay: I can see this is just a good experience and recognizing where I am and where I could choose to go is the point, because - I have the choice! I choose not to go back, I didn’t care for the way I was, it just hurt too much. I know the right path, but sometime it just seems like it would feel so good to just BLAST OFF!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Weird day :/
PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 6:31 pm 
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Sometimes it's just exhausting to keep up the Good Fight. So long as you can restrain yourself from engaging in destructive actions, I think it can be okay to hang out in the "f*ck the world" headspace for a while. I think you'll find that you'll tire of that headspace before too long! For what it's worth to ya, I'm right there with ya. I actually visualized what would happen if I acted on my impulse/desire to scream at the flippin' moron you was seemingly unable to pick up his g.d. feet when walking. Since I was at work at the time, the scenario didn't play out very well and I refrained from torpedoing my career and didn't tell him to f*ck off even though I really, really wanted to with every fibre of my being!

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 Post subject: Re: Weird day :/
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 4:39 pm 
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Stopping long enough to realize you have the choice of whether to blow up or not is HUGE, given that so often, the blow-up used to happen without a millisecond of thought as to the consequences. So kudos for getting that far.

I agree with Ash, though. It's not wrong to have the thoughts/desire to blow up, it's just potentially devastating -- to relationships/job/etc. -- to carry them out. But there are sometimes things you can do to let off some steam, depending on the situation and where you are. If you're at home, try punching pillows, or throwing them if you won't knock over lamps and other expensive doodads around the room. Or go in the shower and scream your head off. Or turn up the volume on whatever device you use for music, or the TV, and dance wildly. Or get some paper, or your journal, and write a scathing verbal blast telling whatever idiot has you pissed off exactly what you'd like to do to them, but don't mail it (or e-mail it). Tear it up when you've finished, or get a red marker and scribble all over it, or burn it on the barbecue grill. If you're at work or some other public place, you might have to stuff the anger for a while, but when you can let it out appropriately, go for it. It's fun! And you'll feel much better. And then you can radically accept that "it was what it was," it's over, and you can move on. If you still need to problem solve, the Five Steps are much easier and more effective if you work it out after you've come back to earth after your pseudo-blastoff.

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 Post subject: Re: Weird day :/
PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2010 1:17 am 
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Marcia used to say that we can have whatever thoughts we want/need at the time (the desire to lose it, the desire to punch something) as long as we don't act on it. I think when we feel intense emotions, it is inevitable that we go to that F the world scenario. But, as long as we don't ACT on it, it is okay to think about it sometimes. lol.

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 Post subject: Re: Weird day :/
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:56 pm 
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It's taken a few days of just letting these feeling sit before I learned the root of the issue; I'm still holding on to resentment from a previous relationship. It seems silly to me that issues from a past relationship are making me irritated at situations in the present day. But as a sit quite with images of my current frustration, images of my past frustrations seem to take over. Both images share a common theme: rejection. I guess I could spend some time considering the tools needed to work on the unresolved issues of my past and spend a little time with the four agreements.
Strange, this is not what I expected to find.


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