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 Post subject: Frustrated
PostPosted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 2:31 pm 
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I’m frustrated with myself given what I’ve done with my life. I sit here today broke, single, no kids, no accomplishments, with nothing. Ok, I have a few bucks in my pocket but several big bills coming due, the main one from the IRS. I’ve just pissed it all away.

The truth be told, I’ve spent my life trying to enjoy myself. For a long time I used the excuse I was trying to fix the issues in my head, but that didn’t necessitate me destroy my financial wellbeing. No, I was living hard and fast trying to outrun myself. Tying to be something I was not. Fighting with myself, trying and trying to find some answers to the issues in my head, all the while missing out on the things in life that really matter; friends, family, children. What a waist.

On the bright side, this last year has provided most all the answers I’ve longed for. Learning to understand my mind and learning to be a peace with myself and the world. No, it’s not rose colored every day, but I don’t think it was ever meant to be so.

So where do I go from here? Start over again? I have been given so many natural gifts that I’ve wasted. The time I’ve wasted. The opportunities I’ve wasted. I really don’t know. Maybe I should not try to hit a homerun today. Maybe today should just be about doing the things that need to be done. Maybe today is just another day of acceptance of the truth as it is. Maybe today is just today.


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 Post subject: Re: Frustrated
PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 2:32 pm 
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Anchorage wrote:
I’m frustrated with myself given what I’ve done with my life. I sit here today broke, single, no kids, no accomplishments, with nothing. Ok, I have a few bucks in my pocket but several big bills coming due, the main one from the IRS. I’ve just pissed it all away.

The truth be told, I’ve spent my life trying to enjoy myself. For a long time I used the excuse I was trying to fix the issues in my head, but that didn’t necessitate me destroy my financial wellbeing. No, I was living hard and fast trying to outrun myself. Tying to be something I was not. Fighting with myself, trying and trying to find some answers to the issues in my head, all the while missing out on the things in life that really matter; friends, family, children. What a waist.

On the bright side, this last year has provided most all the answers I’ve longed for. Learning to understand my mind and learning to be a peace with myself and the world. No, it’s not rose colored every day, but I don’t think it was ever meant to be so.

So where do I go from here? Start over again? I have been given so many natural gifts that I’ve wasted. The time I’ve wasted. The opportunities I’ve wasted. I really don’t know. Maybe I should not try to hit a homerun today. Maybe today should just be about doing the things that need to be done. Maybe today is just another day of acceptance of the truth as it is. Maybe today is just today.


"Broke, single, no kids"

If you look at the half full cup: You could be broke, married out of fear to break up or financial inability to part with a partner you no longer share love with, and having to raise kids together

I have to admit your insight made me smile - as the way I see it is simply that you have been living life to the fullest for some time, and now it is time to mature and settle down, begin to work on goals and dreams and enter a new phase in your life - aiming for having a family, love, and... what would you consider as "accomplishments"? What makes you feel accomplished? (other than having a family which you've mentioned, and maybe becoming rich :o))

So what was good for then is no longer good for now.
That is true to every transformation from one phase to another in life in my opinion - and is not in itself a bad thing (maybe the way you view changes is? - that in itself can change in your favor if you like)

Also - you yourself were able to tell the bright side of yesterdays - so it wasn't such a huge waste of time after all :o)

And now you have now - today - and whatever in the world you wish and chose to do with it, knowing what you've learned

Blessings
RQ


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 Post subject: Re: Frustrated
PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 7:51 am 
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Ahh, regrets and wasted time. These sound very familiar to me. :-)

The biggest waste of time is spent regretting the past. The past can eat away at today and your future.

The past is our friend. It may not be pretty but it informs us of our tendencies, limitations, and what we do or don't want. That is not a waste at all. It sounds like your past has brought you to a place in your present where you want something quite different for your present and your future. You have some keen insights as to why you've behaved this way, and now have experience at trying a different life. The past just had to happen for you to get to this place. Can you see that? Without that, you wouldn't be where you are now. So perhaps you have some things to be grateful for about your past. You arrived at adulthood with your own unique set of limitations, and you just were never going to be fulfilled until you overcame them.

What next? Well, forwards. Home runs are hit by people who have lots of experience and have acquired great skill. The home run analogy makes me think you want to go for it all at once, and maybe you are ready for that. But my experience and observation has shown that one foot in front of the other, with certainty and confidence in each step, gets you a lot further in the the long run. So perhaps you can try darting from base to base before you're skilled enough to go for home runs.

One step at a time will get you a long way. Already the last year has, from what you've said, brought you and incredibly long way, and it didn't happen suddenly did it?

You have goals, by the sound of it. So wha's stopping you from seeking them? Being in the moment also has regard for the future.

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 Post subject: Re: Frustrated
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 9:27 am 
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I did the same thing until my late 30s. And asked the same question, "what do I do now?" And I started over. Went to school, got a job, got married, had kids. There was a time I wouldn't want any of those things, but now I'm glad I mad the decisions I did.

It's NEVER too late.


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 Post subject: Re: Frustrated
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:31 pm 
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Anchorage,

Although you are very frustrated with your life, many people - of all ages - have these thoughts that they wasted their life or are struggling with what they have done with their gifts. However, this is not a means to an end. You recognize you have gifts, have fixed issues, and last year just revealed many answers you've been searching for. Think of this as the end of the beginning. You've found your answers, now implement them to your life and use your skills to accomplish goals now that you understand your mind and have learned to be at peace with yourself and the world. That by itself is happiness and many people can't come to that point in their life. Good luck!


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 Post subject: Re: Frustrated
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:49 pm 
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Anchorage,
I'm 60 and just discovered that the driving force in my youth was BPD! I am so happy now that I have a reason for the outrageous things I did and the normal life I never had! But, I believe for me, self acceptance is the key to happiness. Mental illness is terrible and can really trash out a life. I am surprised by the courage it took for me to endure for so long. Life is tough without BPD and a real bitch with it. Now I know there is a way to accept my past, my self now and there are tools, like on this website, that I can use to create for myself a better life. I don't need to hate me, hurt me any more. I can learn to accept my BPD and deal with it now that I know what I am dealing with. I don't ever want to give up on me again! We who suffer from mental illness are brave and have had the chance to see the world in a way many won't and maybe understand ourselves and others in a deeper way because of the hell we went thru.
Mike

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Coming out of the darkness!


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