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 Post subject: Trying Too Hard
PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2011 10:13 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 5:04 pm
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I guess another thing that I am going to have to accept is that the emotional rollercoaster will be over when it is over. I am not in control of that. I am grateful for the times when I have experienced a profound sense of peace but I cannot expect to just stay in that state. I cannot expect anything. I have to accept what is. As I sit here writing this I want to burst into tears because I want the peace to last but by trying to hold onto it I lose it. It's a catch 22. It can be maddeningly frustrating if I allow it to. Letting go is a huge relief but the ego is tenacious and does not want to let go. The ego wants to whine about how hard it is trying to no avail. Well... that is the problem. Trying too hard is not natural and not productive at all. Letting go is alien yet it beckons me. Acceptance is calling me home. Why do I struggle so hard against accepting what is? It does not even matter why. That is yet another egoistic distraction. The mind plays tricks. It wants to be the master instead of submitting to the Will of God.

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