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Hey guys and gals. I found this mostly cause I'm trying to practice it, but maybe it's good for this room. I hope you don't mind me posting it.

BASIC PRINCIPLES OF ACCEPTING REALITY

Accepting reality does not mean you have to like the circumstances. Tools to help you accept reality: Breathing, half smile, awareness)


i.e. Radical Acceptance: I have suicidal thoughts all the time but it doesn't mean I like having them or will act on them.


WILLINGNESS - CHANGE OF ATTITUDE FROM WILLFULNESS - BEING STUBBORN , RIGID,


Cultivate a WILLING response to each situation


Willingness is doing just what is needed in each situation, in an unpretentious way. It is focusing on effectiveness.


Willingness is listening very carefully to your WISE MIND, acting from your inner self.


Willingness is Allowing in to awareness your connection to the universe - to the earth, to the floor you are standing on, to the chair, you are sitting on, to the person you are talking to.


In 5 years from now, will the situration that causes the distress matter?


WILLFULNESS IS WHEN YOUR ARE SITTING ON YOUR HANDS, WHEN ACTION IS NEEDED, REFUSING TO MAKE CHANGES THAT ARE NEEDED, WILLFULLNES, CAUSES YOU TO FIGHT ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT WILL IMPROVE THE DISTRESS MAKING IT MORE TOLERABLE


WILLFULLNESS IS GIVING UP. IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF DOING WHAT WORKS, OF BEING EFFECTIVE WILLFULLNESS IS TRYING TO FIX EVERY SITUATION, IT IS REFUSING TO TOLERATE THE DISTRESSFUL MOMENT.



TURNING THE MIND

Acceptance of realtiy as it is requires an act of CHOICE. It is like coming to a fork in the road. You have to turn your mind towards the acceptance road and away form the rejecting realtiy road.


You have to make and inner COMMITTMENT to accept. The COMMITTMENT to accept does not itself equal acceptance . It just turns you toward the path. But it is the first step.


You have to turn your mind and commit to acceptance OVER AND OVER AND OVER Again. Sometimes, you have to make the committment many times in the space of a few minuites.



Basic Principles of Accepting Reality

1. WILLINGNESS


2. TURNING THE MIND


Acceptance of reality as it is requires an act of CHOICE.. It is like coming to a fork in the road.


You have to turn your mind towards the acceptance road and away from the "rejecting reality" road.


You have to make an inner COMMITTMENT to accept. The COMMITTMENT to accept does not itself equal acceptance. It just turns you toward the path. But it is the first step.


You have to turn your mind and committ to acceptance OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN Sometimes you have to make the committment many tmes in the space of a few minutes.


For example: I think I am stupid, I must turn my mind and tell myself, that I made an error but I am not stupid.





RADICAL ACCEPTANCE



Freedom from suffering requires ACCEPTANCE FROM DEEP WITHIN OF WHAT IT IS.


Letting yourself go completely with what it is. Let go of fighting reality.


ACCEPTANCE IS THE ONLY WAY OUT OF HELL WHICH MUST NOT BE INTERPRETED AS APPROVAL OF THE DISTRESSFUL SITUATION


Pain creates suffering only when you refuse to ACCEPT the pain.


Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE.


ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what it is.


To accept somethng is not the same as judging it to be good.


By stopping your self from fighting, the rage or anger your feel within your self will dissapate as long as you continue to accept your condition as a BDP and your faulty perceptions to events or interpersonal communications difficulties. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel when you are able to "accept".

I can't control people. Period. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, I can't change it. If my sponsor doesn't feel like calling me back, there is nothing I can do. If she sounds irritated, bugged by me, I can't change that.

If someone is too busy to hang out with me, I have to accept it for what it is.

My new friend at my meeting has met a lot of other people. We used to talk after the meeting but now she is hanging out with some other girls. This is just how it is. I can't make her like me more than she does. I can still be her friend. Her being friends with them doesn't mean that I have to terminate the relationship.

My grandsponsor hasn't been calling me back as well. That's okay. I don't have to take every little brush off as personal. Most likely is has nothing to do with me.

If my dad kills himself, he does. I can't change that. I can't make him stop drinking. He has to want it for himself.

It feels kinda good. Knowing that I can't make people do things. I think that's why I'm in so much pain. I try to control situations. I wish and wish and wish for things to be that just aren't. I don't let people be who they are. I want them to take care of me. I want my parents to be different.

Guess what? It's not happening. I don't have a mom. My dad may not be around much longer either. That's just how it is, period. My grandsponsor is not my mom. My sponsor is not there to take care of me. They are friends. And even the friends that I have, I have to let them live their lives, even if it doesn't include me.

I can get through this. Even though it doesn't feel that way, I can.

What is REALITY????

Is my current state of thinking reality or is it just fu**ed thinking?

I can never decide.....

My reality trips me up so often that I wonder if I ever left it. I know the only real time I am out of reality is when I am cutting and that is not the place to go.

God Knows! But I just wanted to say thanks for all of that information on the basic principals of accepting reality - it has helped a lot!

Jacqui, - are you in therapy? Your T can help you see what reality is. You don't have to cut.

I am new to this site. I just starting reading things on here the past couple days. I am really busy with meeting with all the therapist and doc etc. I was just diagnosed with bpd and hospitilized for a week. I had been being treated for 4 yrs for bipolar disease but guess they were wrong. But anyways one of the things that I had writen in my journal to talk to the shrink about was not having the feeling of being intouch with reality. I know whats going on around me but its like a dream kinda. Hard to explain. I dont think about the other person as a person and think about how what I say or do will affect them. I have a 5 yr old daughter and I feel bad cause I just got into this routine that we dont interact with each other much. I dont stop and think Im her mom i need to play with her I need to interact with her more. I dont understand why i feel foggy minded and not in touch with things. Is it meds is it bpd. Does anyone understand what Im saying. confused

I used to have that fuzzy feeling a lot. Getting on the right drugs helped me get clear enough to use the tools I learned on this site to make my life better. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right drug or combination of drugs to get to that clear state.

Are you seeing someone who is monitoring your drugs? Are you telling them this?

I have not had a chance to try to explain what im feeling. its hard to verbalize what im feeling and put into words so that the therapist understands what im saying. I have not been able to get meds regulated do to the resent change in diagnosis and other things. Right now I feel like im holding on by a string. I get angry and rage spells over nothing. I feel bad cause at the end of the day I have been so consumed with depression and not want to do anything that I feel like have ignored my 5 yr old all day and feel like a bad mom cause I did not talk to her much or play with her a lot etc. Its like at the end of the day i cant remember what i have done, did i accomplish anything. My mind is running wild i am tired of getting angry at little thing. I cant wait till tue when I can call the doc and get something cause im gonna drive myself crazy or get introuble by getting angry at someone and getting rage spell. Very over whelmed. i have adhd cant take the meds cause they irratate my heart. so my brain and body is going a hundred miles a min i want it to stop so i can get my thoughts in order get focused. right now im just on the edge. anger depression rage irratability detachment

Returning, it's tough to be at the place you are. New dx. New meds. Of course you're feeling the way you do.

Can you get help with your daughter? Have you told your pdoc that you are very agitated? There might be a more fast-acting med you can take.

And if it helps, keep posting here and get out the nasty thoughts.

I have not had a chance to talk to my med doc cause I just got set up with a team of people who work together they are a pycologist,therapist,med nurse and a case manager. I did express that I was overwhelmed and stressed the med doc was not in and now it is the weekend and tommorow is a holiday I have an appointment wen I hope I can get something to help. I dont know if they even make a drug to help with the anger, rage. I just get snappy really easly. I am usually a quiet person kind to others keep to myself type person. Today a kids was being stupid on his bike ridding it in the road and when I went by him he acted like he was gonna run into the side of my car. I stoped my car and got out and yelled at the kid telln him he was being a stupid jerk and that he is gonna get his ass run over pulling that kind of shit with other cars. He started mouthn off to me wich pissed me of more. I said well when I come back this way ( was just going to the store around the corner) I will run your punk ass over. I really wanted to push him off his bike. IM 28 sounds like some little kid would do I just lost my temper. Then on the way back he was still playing in the road with his bike, I slowed down do I would not hit him and he got near my car and called me a b*tch. I wanted to open my car door and knock him over. But I just kept driven and then vented to my mom. I hate it im so implusive angry. well hope to get help this week. as for my kid she is ok. I may snap at her but I never would lay a hand on her and im trying to keep my cool with her. she does understand that I do have issues that the doc is trying to fix and thats why mommy gets mad like that sometimes. I just hope I can get it regulated. I am getting scared each day seeing more symptoms. Like i have been depressed since I got out the hospital not wanting to do anything. Then the past two days I just cryed over everything. Then today I wake up and Im just angry no sadness just anger. Im now wake up wondering what is my disorger gonna be like today am I gonna be sad all day, maybe have a normal feeling day or am i gonna be angry and grumpy all day. I have no controle over it. I can try anything and I cant bring myself out of whatever mood I am in that day.

Oh, I am familiar with the impulsive anger. It almost took me over recently in dealing with (what I considered to be) a rather stupid member of my condo association's board. What I remind myself when these situations arise is, am I really going to feel this upset about the situation in a week? A month? How long is it worth being upset regarding a kid being a stupid kid on his bike?

As for meds, since I began taking Zyprexa, my anger and impulsiveness have all but disappeared. There might be something that can help you, too.

Depression is a difficult thing to live with but it can improve with medication.
I take Lexapro and it has changed my life. I was irritable before I started taking it and now I rarely feel annoyed for no reason.
Hang in there returning.

Today I am a little overwhelmed. Going to all the different meetings group meeting meeting with the med doc tommorow today I saw my nurse and case manager. seems like im running around with my head cut off. Being a single mom is hard to trying to deal with her and get a baby sitter set up for my appointments crazy.