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 Post subject: she's pregnant
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:37 pm 
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So I have been sitting here bawling my eyes out forever now and I figured I would come on here for some support. I tried calling my sister but every time I said something she would say, "I know, I feel the same way, and wasn't listening to me."

But I was on myspace today and I clicked on my ex boyfriend's page. Just a little history on him and I...we met when I was 17, I am now 24. But we only went out for a brief time but I have always held him in my heart. He was the ONLY guy I have ever connected with on a deeper level.

I really wanted a serious relationship with him, but at the time the girl that I was best friends with told me she didn't want to pursue the relationship any farther. Because I was a borderline I merged with her and the thought of losing her was too much, so I didn't go out with him.

To this day, it still haunts me. I don't know why. I've met plenty of other guys and they just don't give me the same feeling as he does. I remember him sitting in my driveway with me and I was on top of the wo rld.

He was a player, and an alcoholic. He would call one guy and tell her not to come over because he had another girl over his house.

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Well, over 6 years has passed since that day. But the years following that were hell. I was kicked out of my house, slept in my car, developed PTSD, and have become kind of a social outcast. But in my mind I always thought I had a chance with this kid.

I pull up his myspace photo and I see that he's having a baby with his girlfriend. He has all over how he's so excited, and that's good. But as soon as I saw it I absolutely lost it. I feel so empty and so sad. I wish I could go back to that day in his car.

I guess what I have to radically accept is that he has a girlfriend who he's in love with and he's gonna have a kid for the rest of his life, and it's never gonna be how it was before.

But I am heartbroken. I feel like the girl in the notebook that goes back to her ex and has a meltdown. Even though I am truly a good person I find myself having thoughts that I wish she had a miscarriage. I just don't want this to be happening.
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Also, and this is probably a twisting issue; I saw on his myspace that he doesn't drink. He used to be the biggest alcoholic and now I feel like the girl he's with got him to change and I couldn't.

And, I feel like how come he was a player to me, and why does he love this girl so much. I feel inferior because I feel like I wasn't good enough to have his baby. And I wasn't special enough to make him not a player, but this girl actually was.

I am getting older 24 doesn't sound old but ppl my age are starting to have kids and stuff. I know that I have to accept this, but it's so hard. I am devastated and feel hopeless.

If anyone has any thoughts, guys, PLEASE help me.. I am desparate and don't know what to do.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:02 am 
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I know how hard it is to accept that an ex-boyfriend has moved on. I think it's good that you're recognizing some twisted thinking on your part. Instead of telling yourself that you couldn't get him to change or that you weren't good enough to have his baby or that you weren't special enough for him to be faithful to you, maybe you can try turning these thoughts around. For whatever reason, he wasn't ready or willing to behave responsibly back then, but you deserved better. Now you're free to pursue a relationship with someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It might be helpful to read The Four Agreements, especially the chapter on not taking things personally. There's a short excerpt in the Tools section here at BPDR, but the actual book goes into much more detail. I think it's natural to grieve the loss of a relationship, but once you've accepted the current situation, maybe you can consider it an opportunity to think about the sort of person you want to be with.

Take care,

EmJay

_________________
Action is the antidote to despair. --Joan Baez


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