Thank you for all your thoughts, they are much appreciated.
Yes the feelings passed and I didn't wake up this morning feeling lonely at all. even better I didnt have to wake up thinking why did I act out last night.
I had several very real reasons for those feelings. I have been dealing with an ending of hopes of a relationship with my own mother, I phoned a number of friends that were on their way out, my father is in egypt with new girlffriend and my step mother is in Malta with new bf. Today is Mother's Day. I grew up not celebrating national holiday's I still find it difficult to enjoy them, old messages of not being allowed to do so. So a few things into the mix there.
I have had some horrible virus this past week or so, and have felt the need to be taken care of, feeling physically sick is difficult when meeting the demands of young children and my employer.
Candle
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since I know we can feel lonely in a room full of people and content when keeping our own company, I think this is so important a step in getting comfortable and feeling at peace in our skin.
Isn't this so true, at times it matters not how many people are around, but how connected we feel to ourselves. I dont get this chronic loneliness feeling nearly half as much as I used to, so I guess this perspective is very true. I have been more comfortable in my own skin until a little of late whilst processing some childhood stuff.
Jim
Me neither I am not sure where loneliness passes from a feeling to suffering either? I felt pretty bad last night though. Was verging on a pity party at one point I think.
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it sure seems to me like there's got to be joy I can reach for that's already in my life -- joy I have a hard time getting in touch with because I'm preoccupied with things that I want but don't have.
This is so true. Am going to hang to that comment for a while. I do have a lot of things that bring me joy everyday. On occassion I do find myself blind sighted by what I would like to have. Is like the shutters come down on what I do have so that all I can see is what in an ideal world I would want to have. The two are very different things. Back to living in the moment that joy is definately there, thanks for this reminder.
Amanda
You picked up on the acting out thing. Yes was definately a consideration during my pity party. The desire to go get resklessly drunk and find the nearest drink goggled attractive monster I coud find was definately there. I am so glad I remembered how bad I would feel today had I done that. They never are that attractive in the morning, and I hate that damn what did I actually do last night feeling also. Then there would have been shame and guilt and oh damn what about my sobriety record that would have been in shatters ....oh any number of feelings to deal with this morning. So glad I stayed home and safe and sat the feelings out. As it was I woke up with a smile on my face this morning. To kids jumping all over me fighting for who got to hug me first.
Aqua
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I wish bf would go away for a month so I could be alone.
Ya know this did actually flash through my mind last night. Most of the time I am so happy to be on my own and I hate people being in my space under my feet 24/7 I really do.
That other perspective is very welcomed. Thank you very much. Hey you have to be able to miss someone also to really appreciate them eh. Reminds me of that song by P!nk
"Leave me alone (I'm lonely)"
Yes we often want what we dont have.
So yes am pleased I sat it out, no it didn't feel great, in fact at times was pretty grim, but oh so glad I didn't act out today! Thanks for the hugs tho!