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 Post subject: Loneliness
PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:26 pm 
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Just taking some time out observing this overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

Loneliness based on desire to not be alone right now. A desire to go create opportunities to not feel it. Is a temporary feeling this too shall pass.

feeling heavy, feeling weight of responsibility, have a desire to shove some of my feelings and the responsibility of my own well being onto another person. I know this is ineffective. Drained, worn, abandoned, lost, tearful, dark, forgotten, ungrounded. Temporary feelings.

There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely, I am human, human's are social beings to desire to be touched, kissed to be intimate with someone is not an un natural desire. To seek opportunities for this outside the bounds of genuine love and care, causes other unwanted feelings and complicates life in a way I will not play games of risk with.

So bath running, I will take this opportunity to spend some time with myself, to find ways to be good to me, perhaps draw my comforts around and see what is on TV tonight, paint my nails, if needing more I can maybe paint a picture. Reconnect with myself some.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 4:35 pm 
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(((Tracy))): I really like your post. I'm sorry you are feeling lonely, but I'm so glad that you have the temporary feeling of that loneliness in perspective. That's not an easy thing to achieve, I know, but since I know we can feel lonely in a room full of people and content when keeping our own company, I think this is so important a step in getting comfortable and feeling at peace in our skin.

XOXO, Candle


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 4:50 pm 
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This resonates with me, Tracy. My t has been talking to me about choosing not to suffer. Things may not be as I'd like them in my life in some ways, such as being alone and feeling lonely as much as I do. At what point does feeling normal feelings turn into suffering? I'm not sure. But it sure seems to me like there's got to be joy I can reach for that's already in my life -- joy I have a hard time getting in touch with because I'm preoccupied with things that I want but don't have. jim

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 1:59 am 
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(((Tracy))) Sorry to see you're feeling so lonely, but great to see that you know the feelings are temporary and will pass, and even better that you can see that acting-out upon those feelings is only a temporary solution which would cause much regret. You might feel lonely, but can you remember that there are people in this world who care about you? I care about you! ;) Love the nurturing/self-soothing ideas. Great work Tracy.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:24 am 
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Tracy - Just wanted to show you another perspective:

I wish bf would go away for a month so I could be alone. HaHa. This is true.

I think too much time with others (including the ones I love) produces a feeling of being smothered, not being with others enough can produce feelings of loneliness. It's a balance... I have yet to get in a situation where I am able to balance it. It seems to usually be too much or not enough.

I also have found myself in a room with people and feeling lonely... I think it's because I am feeling disconnected, that I don't feel I share a bond or a commonality with the people there.

I hope the lonely feelings pass soon enough.... I am sure they will. *Hugs*

:)

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:37 am 
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Thank you for all your thoughts, they are much appreciated.

Yes the feelings passed and I didn't wake up this morning feeling lonely at all. even better I didnt have to wake up thinking why did I act out last night.

I had several very real reasons for those feelings. I have been dealing with an ending of hopes of a relationship with my own mother, I phoned a number of friends that were on their way out, my father is in egypt with new girlffriend and my step mother is in Malta with new bf. Today is Mother's Day. I grew up not celebrating national holiday's I still find it difficult to enjoy them, old messages of not being allowed to do so. So a few things into the mix there.

I have had some horrible virus this past week or so, and have felt the need to be taken care of, feeling physically sick is difficult when meeting the demands of young children and my employer.

Candle

Quote:
since I know we can feel lonely in a room full of people and content when keeping our own company, I think this is so important a step in getting comfortable and feeling at peace in our skin.


Isn't this so true, at times it matters not how many people are around, but how connected we feel to ourselves. I dont get this chronic loneliness feeling nearly half as much as I used to, so I guess this perspective is very true. I have been more comfortable in my own skin until a little of late whilst processing some childhood stuff.

Jim

Me neither I am not sure where loneliness passes from a feeling to suffering either? I felt pretty bad last night though. Was verging on a pity party at one point I think.

Quote:
it sure seems to me like there's got to be joy I can reach for that's already in my life -- joy I have a hard time getting in touch with because I'm preoccupied with things that I want but don't have.


This is so true. Am going to hang to that comment for a while. I do have a lot of things that bring me joy everyday. On occassion I do find myself blind sighted by what I would like to have. Is like the shutters come down on what I do have so that all I can see is what in an ideal world I would want to have. The two are very different things. Back to living in the moment that joy is definately there, thanks for this reminder.

Amanda

You picked up on the acting out thing. Yes was definately a consideration during my pity party. The desire to go get resklessly drunk and find the nearest drink goggled attractive monster I coud find was definately there. I am so glad I remembered how bad I would feel today had I done that. They never are that attractive in the morning, and I hate that damn what did I actually do last night feeling also. Then there would have been shame and guilt and oh damn what about my sobriety record that would have been in shatters ....oh any number of feelings to deal with this morning. So glad I stayed home and safe and sat the feelings out. As it was I woke up with a smile on my face this morning. To kids jumping all over me fighting for who got to hug me first.

Aqua

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I wish bf would go away for a month so I could be alone.


Ya know this did actually flash through my mind last night. Most of the time I am so happy to be on my own and I hate people being in my space under my feet 24/7 I really do.

That other perspective is very welcomed. Thank you very much. Hey you have to be able to miss someone also to really appreciate them eh. Reminds me of that song by P!nk "Leave me alone (I'm lonely)"

Yes we often want what we dont have.

So yes am pleased I sat it out, no it didn't feel great, in fact at times was pretty grim, but oh so glad I didn't act out today! Thanks for the hugs tho!

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