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 Post subject: radically accepting myself and my life
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 10:49 am 
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just as i am and just as it is right now. some things i can change. some things i can't. some things involve others who need to decide to make changes of their own. some things involve things that happened to me a long time ago. i accept that those are things i have no control over. i accept that it is my responsibility to do the best i can each day, one day at a time, and to make changes in myself that will bring me greater health and happiness.

i radically accept that i have bpd and mdd. though i have known for some time that i have these things, i have tried to tell myself many times that it wasn't as serious as anyone thought and that i could "get over it" on my own. i realize that this is impossible because it has been a part of who i am for my entire life. i radically accept that i need to share what i really feel with others, and receive help and support to recover.

i accept that my moods are difficult to control or predict, and that they often overwhelm me. i accept that i cannot control my depression with sheer willpower. i radically accept that i am not, and will never be perfect. i radically accept my loneliness and the feeling of being misunderstood. i radically accept my social anxiety. i accept that not everyone will understand or believe in my illness. i accept that there are people who will not care about me and my problems as much as i want them to.

i radically accept the fact that i was severely abused as a child, and experienced emotional trauma in many other areas of my life as a kid and a teenager. i accept that i am not responsible for my abusers actions and that i am not at fault. i radically accept that my mother knew about this and did nothing to save me. i accept that my parents cared more about themselves than their own children. i accept that they did not love me and that they do not want to be involved with me now. i accept that this is because of their own decisions and not because i was or am a bad daughter or bad person.

well, this has been quite heavy and i think i will take a breather. i guess i will add more as i come to it.

erin

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 Post subject: Re: radically accepting myself and my life
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 12:31 pm 
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i am doing my best to radically accept that my husband is not working and has not in three years. i am accepting that this, and many related parts of his behavior and personality, are irritating and frustrating to me. i accept the fact that i was aware of many of these tendancies before we married, and i made the decision to marry him anyway. i accept that there are changes that he needs to make in himself and his own life, and that i cannot make these changes for him. i accept my responsibility to be as honest with him about my feelings as i can be, without being mean or cruel. i realize that this does not help or motivate him, but puts him down and discourages him. i accept that there will be consequences and setbacks because of the way i have treated him recently and in the past. i accept that we will have to get help for our marraige if it is to survive.

i radically accept that he loves me and will try to accept his efforts to change, no matter how small. i accept that this will not be easy and that there will be many struggles in therapy before i finally know whether or not i truly want to be with him. i am working on accepting this uncertainty.

erin

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i postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing...

anais nin


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 Post subject: Re: radically accepting myself and my life
PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:14 pm 
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i am radically accepting that my grandmother is the way she is, and is probably not going to change. i am radically accepting that her criticisms of my looks, my life, and my husband, are her own opinions based on her own perception and life experiences, and that they have nothing to do with me. i do not have to believe anything that she says about me, the way i look, the way i dress, the things i own, or the man i love. her opinions are her own, and i don not have to take them personally or let them become an obstacle to my own happiness.

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i postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing...

anais nin


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 Post subject: Re: radically accepting myself and my life
PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 4:05 pm 
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Doing great, erin! :)

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The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ---Winston Churchill

It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow. -- Robert H. Goddard


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 Post subject: Re: radically accepting myself and my life
PostPosted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:50 pm 
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thanks aqua... i'm trying my hardest.

:sigh:

okay, well today i am working on accepting... that it is highly likely that my husband and i will be getting a divorce. i am having a hard time with this. it is hard to even type out these words. but i feel like i am doing fairly well considering that this realization has just dawned upon me in the past three days. i am not completely certain that this is for sure going to happen any time soon, but i feel it. and i am preparing myself for the worst. is this all just really weird? maybe i am looking at it the wrong way. i am not sure whether i should be accepting this, fighting it, or trying to stop it from happening. i don't even know how i feel about it... i am trying to convince myself that i am a strong, self-sufficient woman, who can take care of herself and be happy on her own no matter what happens. maybe i should concentrate on accepting and believing that, and not worry about the whole divorce thing until it happens? just mixed up today and trying to find some clarity...

erin

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i postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing...

anais nin


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 Post subject: Re: radically accepting myself and my life
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 8:05 am 
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pinkyellowbluegreen wrote:
i accept that there are changes that [husband] needs to make in himself and his own life, and that i cannot make these changes for him.
[...]
i accept that we will have to get help for our marraige if it is to survive.
[...]
i radically accept that he loves me and will try to accept his efforts to change, no matter how small. i accept that this will not be easy and that there will be many struggles in therapy before i finally know whether or not i truly want to be with him. i am working on accepting this uncertainty.

Dear erin ~
I think living with uncertainty is one of the most difficult challenges anyone can experience. ( ( ( ((( erin ))) ) ) )

You know there are other options to either staying married expecting status quo or totally ending the relationship. You do know this. [couples' counseling and/or separation]

You are doing really great addressing realities.
I would only encourage you to further explore those that might be less extreme, maybe to broaden your base in proceeding toward what is palatable and ultimately good for erin.


~ jr

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 Post subject: Re: radically accepting myself and my life
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:20 am 
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thank you, jr... i will be thinking about that and keep it in mind... i have been dealing with a lot of extreme things lately, but i know i shouldn't be trying to take on more mentally and emotionally than i do... i tend to try to take on everything at once... i'm just trying to be strong right now. things have been really crappy...

erin

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i postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing...

anais nin


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