Smilin
Thanks for sharing your experiences they are extremely helpful.
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i sometimes think too that having some close net friendships makes the lonliness factor even more difficult for some of the exact reasons you state- not getting that hug and/or not being able to take that walk or go for coffee or perhaps just bum it at home with the tv or radio on in the background.
Yes for sure. But also perhaps they have allowed me also to realize that there are people I can relate to out there. When I was sat in all the time, thinking there was no one out there for me and became very untrusting of everyone, the net was my first step back into the world of people. I have learned a lot from these friendships about my personal likes and dislikes, my personal boundaries of what is acceptable to me and what isn't.
I have and do benefit from online relationships with people. I discovered for example that some people are great to have a laugh on facebook with (to poke or throw pies at). That there are groups of people such as this one and other boards I post on that I can relate to others on. Others I can just generally chat to over an IM for example. In many different types of friendships / aquaintances with many different people.
For example where I may have felt I wasn't good enough as a single parent on benefits to talk with someone that has a husband and plenty of money. I learned that some of those ideas I had were incorrect. Age, race, religion, colour, creed, physical limitations, amuont of money one has, has no bearing on how I can relate to people nor what joy they can bring to my life.
It's those relationships that have opened my eyes. Helped me build up my sense of self.
I think it is those types of deeper realtionships online that have allowed me to trust myself more. To want to explore life beyond the net in the big scary world of 3d people. It's that which also create a longing for me to meet people for coffee, to hang out with etc...
I am learning plenty of lessons in communicating with people setting appropriate boundaries for myself etc...rather than leaping into close / overly trusting relationships with people I haven't gotten to know first.
Has been a pretty big journey for me. Perhaps has been about learning shades of grey! That my relationships to people outside of myself are as differing /unique and as individual as people themselves are.
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it is a sign i need to be more involved in daily life and get myself off the computer.
Thanks for the reminder, yes I wont make those 3d connections sat in front of a PC eh? Nor is the scenery as good ! I think I could need to balance this out again some more. Night with a drama group or night spent on line...I could do with a better mix of that.
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as far as missing yet wanting those closer 3d friendships, for me it takes time and patience with both myself and others.
Definately, I am learning the importance of allowing time and not rushing into things. I think that is why I say I have to accept that longing for closeness a while longer. Try not to dispell it by allowing people that bring me suffering in too close. To not compromise myself by looking back to people that can't provide me with this for various reasons
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it also helps when i am more focused on taking care of myself - even tho it may not be 'fun' stuff and/or i think i dont want to do it; if i do, it provides me a sense of myself and i again lose some of those feelings.
Yes this is a good point. Although I am the worlds worst at looking after me. If I bring that focus back in after a while some of the intensity of the loneliness does fade out. Behaving lovingly, respectfully towards myself is something I am trying to learn. It does help if I am nice to me.
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other times, yep, i can get quite uncomfortable and feed into it and then boy is that nasty
I do have a tendency to feed into it with unloveable and unwanted messages to myself...whch makes the whole thing ten times worse...I will watch out for this some more.