BPDRecovery.com: Forums

It's been awhile since I've been to this forum, looks like it's helping a lot of people.

I have been successful over the past two years at maintaining good relationships with my boyfriend (soon to be husband!!), my family (I cut ties with several of them), and my friends (I have a handful that love me, I don't need big social circles).

The issues I still have with twisted thinking are at work. I try to make friends and be helpful and I just don't seem to fit in. If I try to be completely professional, my co-workers think that I'm a corporate kiss-butt. I think I just don't understand how to be "friendly" and yet not get too close or be too cold.

I find it depressing that you spend 8 hours a day with people and you can't trust any of them. They talk so nice to each other's faces, then sometimes they talk really nasty behind each other's backs. That's not how I treat my friends!! It's enough to understand why twisted thinking occurs!!! If anyone has any advice that would help me with overcoming these obstacles at the workplace, please let me know.

Thanks.

From my (limited) experience in the workforce, the situation you describe is not all that unusual. There is a ton of that kind of stuff -- cliques, gossiping, back-stabbing and so forth. I don't think it's a reflection on you, that you're unlikeable or just an ass-kisser or anything like that.

It sounds like you have done some great work on yourself, and on stabilizing your relationships. Your life outside of work sounds pretty healthy and good. I think you should just continue to concentrate on yourself, and what's good for you, at work -- doing the best you can, being honest and polite, and resisting the temptation to get involved in the gossip and game-playing. If the others want to scoff at that, let them. I know it's nice to have friends at work -- it makes the day go by much more easily -- but it's not worth it to compromise yourself to make friends who may turn around and screw you if the weather changes.