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 Post subject: very twisted
PostPosted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 6:34 pm 
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this is the most embarrassing thing i've ever posted.i dinn't put may trigger because hopefully no one else s done this.i'm not putting details bec i'm not making excuses.. when i was 16 i asked my uncle to touch me sexually.he did and then had me touch him.this went on a few months.i hate him but hate me more. he is now dead. i know this is horrible but i'd really appreciaate some responses


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 Post subject: Re: very twisted
PostPosted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 7:56 pm 
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It is in the past now. Im sure if you could go back and turn back time that you would not do it again. The best advice I can give is just try to let it go.

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 Post subject: Re: very twisted
PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 9:36 am 
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Quote:
i hate him but hate me more.

What benefit do you get out of hating yourself for a mistake made long ago? It doesn't seem like there would be a benefit to me. I think it's important to CHOOSE forgive yourself for any and all mistakes of the past.

I have made sooooo many mistakes in my past. There is not one that is better or worse than the one you made--- they are just mistakes and everyone makes them. BPD causes all kinds of twisted thinking. I can't allow myself to hate myself over things I can no longer change. All I can do is make sure I'm not continuing to make such mistakes. What you do in the NOW is more indicative of who you are, IMO, than anything you could have possibly done in the past. Leave the past where it belongs and move forward with your life in the now.

Oh, and as you were 16 and not yet an adult....what HE did to YOU was much more 'wrong' in my mind that what you did. It's up to him as the adult in that situation to not indulge such things. You didn't choose in the best manner you could have, but we all do what we can at the time. Really, it's HIS mistake, not yours. He was the adult in the situation. He took advantage of you.

Sexual abuse is really difficult to get over-- I know personally. Please don't blame yourself for another's mistake. All you can do is the best you can in the NOW. There is no reason to be embarrassed, especially not here on this board. We all have things in our past we are not proud of I would think. There is no good that comes from hating yourself. The only purpose I can see that that serves is to keep you tied to the past. Not a very good choice for you in the now, is it? It doesn't help you.

(((decidingtobeme))))

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 Post subject: Re: very twisted
PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 12:25 pm 
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Good advice from okwoman and Harmonium. I just wanted to say I can relate to your quandary. As it happens, I'm taking a class at my church on forgiveness. I find it WAY more difficult to forgive myself than other people. I know in my head that while I made bad decisions in the past, they don't define me or determine my future. But it's much harder to feel it in my heart -- I still feel stupid and bad and worthless. I'll get to a point where I'm OK with some of it, then somebody will say something that basically rips the scab off the wound and I'm back to square one. So I think all we can do is work continually on Radical Acceptance that what happened, happened, and Untwisting the negative thoughts that keep popping up.

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I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner


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 Post subject: Re: very twisted
PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 10:59 pm 
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thanks to all of you.i'm looking at this bec t wants me to take an honest look at my life. this iss a hard thing to do


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