Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Sat Aug 15, 2020 10:43 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: untwisting my wacked head AGAIN
PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 1:17 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:19 am
Posts: 274
1. Identify the distortion by writing down the negative thoughts

What the hell is wrong with me today? I feel so sad. I feel like I don't care about anything. I'm so glad I uprooted my life and moved all the way out here for him to cheat and lie and not be in my life. I moved out here for NOTHING. Nothing looks postive right now. I don't want to be at work. I don't even know what I want actually. I guess I want my head to stop fighting me all the time, I want to stop feeling sad all the time I want to feel happiness and peace again. I want my nose to stop running from allergies. I WANT CHRIS BACK. I don't even want to untwist my thoughts? Why is that? I know if I put the work in, it will make me feel better eventually. I'm so angry with myself because I feel this way. I'm angry that I'm sitting in my office at work and I'm crying. I'm angry because I feel so lost and alone. I'm angry that my head messes with me. I miss him. I've never gone this long without talking to him and seeing him in over two years and now I'm just supposed to accept that I'll never see or talk to him again? Why do I want to anyway? He really treated me horribly. I don't think he's a bad person, but he handled this situation horribly. Why did he pick this girl over me? Why am I never good enough?

I"m okay in this moment, but I DON'T LIKE THIS MOMENT.

okay, calm down. I"m going to calm down right now. I am okay today. feelings are just feelings and no matter how badly they SUCK they can't kill me. They are temporary. A lot of emotional reasoning. Inner me is very upset, inner me is screaming. What does that mean? It means I need self care to help comfort her. I have a new book by one of my favorite authors I got yesterday. I can finish reading that tonight after I watch American Idol. This Saturday I have a ticket for a dance show. My boss bought everyone roses today for a job well done, which was really nice of him. I have pretty roses sitting on my windowsill.

Radical acceptance is the only way out of hell. I am having a lot of resistance right now to accepting that Chris is gone and I"m alone in Colorado. I"m having a lot of resistance to radical acceptance. Radical acceptance starts with a committment to accepting reality, especially when you don't want to. I am willing to work with reality (its funny how inside little me is making faces and I can just picture this toddler throwing tantrums.) Anyways, I am willing to work with realilty. My life is not all good or all bad. It is a combination of both. Shades of grey. I"m not completely alone. I have my t, I have my cat. I have a roommate (although she doesn't understand but who can blame her? I don't understand myself half the time) I have Sue, my coworker who also says we are friends. I have my family, as dysfunctional and nutty as they are. I could call them to talk if I really wanted to.

Why am I hurting so badly still? Is it just normal grief? Maybe I just need to accept that I'm sad. It really sucks that I'm this sad but I think I'm supposed to let the emotion float across my mind. Invite it to tea, as that book says.

not really feeling any better, but at least I tried. maybe I'll feel better in awhile.

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: untwisting my wacked head AGAIN
PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 2:21 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 358
Pip -
I don't know how to help you but I want you to know that I could have written this post myself! I KNOW what you are going through... I am going through it too! :( I just want to send you hugs and let you know that I am here! You are NOT alone!
- NAM

_________________
"If you can forgive the person you were, Accept the person you are, and Believe in the person you will become, You are headed for joy."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: untwisting my wacked head AGAIN
PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:02 pm 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2005 6:00 pm
Posts: 867
(((pip))),

I think a lot of it is normal grief for the loss of your relationship. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve. You're very insightful, and that's good. But it's okay to just feel sad for awhile, and not fight it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: untwisting my wacked head AGAIN
PostPosted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:42 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:19 am
Posts: 274
Thanks guys. I balled my eyes out yesterday in therapy as well as at home at night but today I do feel a lot better, and a lot lighter. Thank you again.

smiles,

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: untwisting my wacked head AGAIN
PostPosted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:50 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 358
Start doing stuff for yourself, Pip. You will feel so much better! Big hugs!!!

_________________
"If you can forgive the person you were, Accept the person you are, and Believe in the person you will become, You are headed for joy."


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group