Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Sat Nov 17, 2018 1:21 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:12 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
I need some UNtwisting of this perception. I know it's my own distortion, but I need help breaking it down. Here's the scenerio in short form.

She tells me that she loves me and wants to be with me all the time. Anyway, she spent the night one night, and while we were holding each other tightly in each other's arms, I whispered into her ear as I thought she was already asleep "I love you too. I love you so much that I wish we were married and spending evey night together like this. I love you so much that I wish we were planning to have children. I love you so much that I want to give you the best life any man has ever given a woman and I want it all right now. I can't wait anymore."

Well anyway, she didn't respond, and I didn't expect her to. She went home the next day, and called me that night and told me that she remembers everything I whispered into her ear the night before, and she told me that she felt the same way I did. She said she wanted to be married as well, and she wanted to plan to have children with me as well, etc. So then i said great, why don't we start making plans then to make these things happen. Like we can plan out in 6 months to save money to have a wedding, I'll get an extra job, etc. We can have sex and if you get pregnant, then we will be happy, and if not, then we can accept that it wasn't meant to be yet. Whatever comes up first, pregnancy or marriage, it doesn't matter, we can live by our own rules and not what society dictates to us and we can talk more and more everyday about making this a reality instead of just talking about it.

Just like that, she changed her mind and stated that WE weren't ready for that. I was shocked and asked if when she told me that she felt the same exact way as I did, if she really felt that way, or felt that she loved the idea of feeling the same way I did. She didn't answer directly, instead just got silent and said that I was offering her so much and she felt that she didn't deserve it. I would try and talk about it more in later days to come, but she just got more distant on the subject.

I need help. Did I say something wrong, and what did she mean by she felt the same exact way I did, and then change her mind? I'm going crazy and feel like I'm messing something up YET again.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 7:45 am 
Community Leader
Community Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:56 am
Posts: 1465
Just because she doesn't think you guys are ready for the whole kit and kaboodle all at once does not mean that 'she changed her mind'. It's scary, all these changes. Please try to give her some time.

Also, why begin everything at once? I love my H to death, but if he sprung all that on me (even if I agreed) I wouldn't go forward right away. It's a lot. Why not bask in the love you both share for a while, maybe saving and planning for the wedding after a couple of weeks? Why not take one major step at a time, what's the hurry?

I think it sounds like she liked what you said and agrees........just don't move forward too quickly. She probably does want to be married and have children with you, but maybe not the day after you told her this is what she wants. It's just a bit quick and these are MAJOR decisions.

Have you formally proposed? Many women dream about their proposal.....why not do something special, maybe with a ring, to help her feel loved?

_________________
Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 10:08 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
I see this and understand this. We talked about it again today, but I did something different. I spoke from her perspective in a clarifying way to try and understand. I asked, do you feel like that you want all of this, but just not RIGHT NOW? She said yes. I asked more clarifying questions and she answered them all in a way that made me feel better and more relaxed.

Then after this, she said that she loves me so much but feels powerless to help me with this BPD. She told me how it is exhausting her and making her feel tired and worn out. I asked her if it would make her feel any better if she researched this and tried to understand it better, and she said yes, but she doesn't know how much more of this she can take. She said she's going to do everything in her power to be there by my side. I got silent while thinking what she was saying and trying to sort it all out.

All I understood was that she will stay with me until it becomes too much for her to handle and then she will leave me. At that moment she asked me just that. She asled me if I felt that she was going to leave me. I was trying to find a way to answer this without causing contraversy, taking my time to think about the right answer to give. While I was thinking she asked me again. I just said, honestly, yes, I do feel this way. I know that you're doing everything in your power RIGHT NOW to try and deal with this, but I'm scared that when it becomes too much for you too handle that you will leave to save your own sanity. She tried reassuring me that that this wasn't the case, and I put on a happy pretend face and voice (we were on the phone) and acted like it didn't bother me.

So in a happy pretend voice, i asked her if she would feel more comfortable knowing everything she could about this so that way she doesn't feel so helpless. She replied, but I do understand - because I read some information to her about BPD a few weeks before. I asked her if she would feel more comfrtable with visiting in on one of my therapy sessions because the therapist is not only good at helping me cope, but her as well from her perspective. She said she didn't know. I asked if she would like some reading material on "how to live with someone who is BPD" and she said yes, and as I was e-mailing her the link, she said that we could read it together. But as she said this the email already went through. No big deal.

She was reading some stuff because she was asking me some questions that were out of character for her that made me have some "aha" moments almost immediately after sending her this information. A few mintues later (like 10 or so) she said that she had to go because she didn't feel strong enough at this time to deal with this and needed to get her strength back to talk at a later time about all of this. I said alright and agreed, and when I hung up the phone, I felt a calmness. I felt neutral about the situation, not feeling bad, or not feeling "too good" about it; I just felt calm about it.

I don't like, respect, and completely LOATHE this side of me, the BPD side I mean. I love her, and she is showing me unconditional acceptance, compassion, trust, and love and all I can do is watch myself go in and out of BPD flare ups without any control over them. She doesn't deserve this, and I am seriously contimplating breaking up with her so she doesn't have to deal with this anymore. I love her too much to put her through this.

Please help!!

_________________
People have it all wrong about me. They think that if they worship me now, that will guarantee they get into heaven. This could be further from the truth. Enjoy the many gifts I have given you to enjoy now and worry about worshiping me when we meet.

Love Always and Forever,
God


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:58 am 
Community Leader
Community Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:56 am
Posts: 1465
Quote:
I don't like, respect, and completely LOATHE this side of me, the BPD side I mean. I love her, and she is showing me unconditional acceptance, compassion, trust, and love and all I can do is watch myself go in and out of BPD flare ups without any control over them. She doesn't deserve this, and I am seriously contimplating breaking up with her so she doesn't have to deal with this anymore. I love her too much to put her through this.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!!!

Let me get this straight.....you tell her that you love her, want to marry her and have children. Then you go on to tell her about all the things to do for you BPD (that she can do) or maybe just help her understand it.

Then....while she is processing, you decide she's too good for you or you're too bad for her and want to break up so as not to her Her feelings.

Really-- I mean REALLY?!?!?!?!? This is logical?!?! NO.....this is BPD, Shelbeth.

That's not being fair to her at all. "Saving" her from you is not your job. It's her decision who she want to be with, when, where and why. It's HER decision. Her stuff vs. your stuff.

And another thing.....love is NOT unconditional between adults. We wouldn't have such high divorce rates if it were. Love is hard work, from both parties. It's a mutual respect. She doesn't have to and maybe never will love you unconditionally-- and I don't think she 'should'. It just doesn't work that way, IMO. I work very hard at being a person my H can be proud of-- it's WORK sometimes. I'm not suggesting turning into a chameleon or anything......but his love makes me want to be a better person (just like in the movie!). He doesn't love me unconditionally and I don't want him to.....if he was always going to be super-tolerant and approve of my every action.....well, that not marriage-style-love to me, that's a parent.

Lastly....what the heck do you mean "all I can do is watch myself go in and out of BPD flare ups"? BPD isn't a disease, it's a disorder. YOU are the only one that Can make your BPD better, and if you want to keep her, I suggest you begin working diligently on that and show her by your actions what all you can do to help yourself. It's not her job to help you with BPD, although understanding from her would be nice. This job is for you, as an Adult, to do on your own.

I'm not trying to be harsh in this post.....I can just see a big mistake ahead of you. Please re-think giving her mixed messages-- it's really not fair to her and may allow for the possibility for HER to be the one with abandonment issues. She has to be able to trust in you, that you won't leave her either.

_________________
Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 11:25 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
I understand. I talked with my therapist the other day and he suggested a method that would benefit bot of us:

She sees something is bothering me (because it's hard not tell tell because the face shows a thousand words) She asks what is bothering me.

Me: There is something bothering me but I'm not sure if right now in the moment is has anything to do with what is true feelings or something that is due to the BPD. Give me a few hours to think about things, possibly the day and process eveything, and when I have a clear head on this issue, I will tell you then.

Her: Remembering when I said that I need the time to think about things and reminds me to do so in case my flare up reers its ugly head again and wants to talk while in an emotional crisis, so she reminds me in a compassionate way that I need time to process it so I don't react out of emotions instead of talking rationally in a calm manner from a thinking perspective.

This way we both have a role in a productive way when dealing with BPD flare ups and we can both feel like we have some control and we can manage it and eventually defeat it over time. TIME. This will take time but together when we deal with this together; time will be on our sides, and we both can manage and watch this disapear over time.

_________________
People have it all wrong about me. They think that if they worship me now, that will guarantee they get into heaven. This could be further from the truth. Enjoy the many gifts I have given you to enjoy now and worry about worshiping me when we meet.

Love Always and Forever,
God


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 4:47 pm 
Community Leader
Community Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:56 am
Posts: 1465
I like the way your therapist thinks! :D

_________________
Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:22 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
Here's a situation that arose that is not a bad thing, but a very good thing, that could be too good (another aspect of BPD; all bad, or too good). Let me know what you think.

I was talking to my therapist a few weeks back about my girlfriend and how she feels about me and the clear signs she's giving me on how much she loves me. Anyway, he went to say, after I broke down in tears of feeling so good, that she is showing unconditional ACCEPTANCE, and that he knew that I have never fealt that feeling before. He told me that it feels good, and I should allow it just flow through me and not overanalyze it, etc.

Anyway, I told him that because I felt so good about the way she was showing me this unconditional acceptance, that I wanted her to move in with me so we could have this all the time. Immediately he said "WHOAH". He told me that BPD works so many ways that could sabatoge the relationship. He reminded me again of black and white responces and all or nothing feelings. As much as it can feel bad, it can also feel too good as well, and that there was nothing wrong with feeling this good, but I should still have a clear head of thinking of the therapy I still need to have. I am learning ways to cope with it, and if she was there all the time (living with me) than it would be harder to be by myself to focus on my feelings for RIGHT NOW. He commended me and said he was proud of the fact that I'm making the progress that I am making, but nut not to forget that there is more progress to make as well, and if I would let her move in with me, that we would need to start all over from stage one, instead of moving forward from where we're at now. He said that there was a chance that my BPD flare ups COULD sabatoge the relationship if we were living together, and it may not, but it would be much harder to control with the person of my desire being there all the time. He said that maybe we should look at a time frame of 6 months to a year based on the progress that is happening now with the DBT treatments we are working on, THEN it would be alright to live together.

Anyway, here's the dilema. My girlfriend's renter's contract is up in May for her appartment. She cannot renew it because the new tenant will be paying 3 times as much as she was, so the landlord will take this tenant over her. She was going to move in with her best friend, but the other woman living there just decided at the last moment that she would change her mind and NOT move out, so now my girlfriend's plans of living somewhere are shot. All other places to rent are too high for her budget, and she's losing hours at her employment, which means she's loosing money, and will deffiantely not have enough to afford even a small apartment. She's hopelessly running out of time and options.

I was with her all night last night and all day today, because she is soooo depressed over her situation. She told me how hopeless she was feeling and how she doesn't want to live out on the street and be homeless. Her best friend is moving away in September (back to Russia because my girlfriend and her best friend are from there. My girlfriend is legal, but her best friend is not legal, so she will have to go back home in this time so she doesn't forfiet her Russian citizenship and have no country to live in). My girlfriend is even more depressed that her best friend is going back home and she can't even live with her for the last remaining months. She also feels depressed that her employer is giving her the royal shaft with hours, etc. and that she feels like she has no dream. I talked to a few friends of mine who are managers, district managers of the local Radio Shacks in our area, and am trying to get her a STABLE job there to at least give her some hope of a future of finacialy stability and a reliable source of income.

Anyway, I reminded her that if she really needs a place to stay for the time being, she could live with me, even though it may not be the right time yet because of my conditions I am dealing with (I explained this to her all in much detail weeks ago so she knows why it wouldn't be the greatest of ideas for us to live together RIGHT NOW)

I feel trapped. I don't like to see her like this, and I know it's not the best thing for us to live together just yet, but RIGHT NOW she has no other choice. What would you do in this situation?

_________________
People have it all wrong about me. They think that if they worship me now, that will guarantee they get into heaven. This could be further from the truth. Enjoy the many gifts I have given you to enjoy now and worry about worshiping me when we meet.

Love Always and Forever,
God


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:37 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
BUMP

I repied to a SPAM message in a another post

_________________
People have it all wrong about me. They think that if they worship me now, that will guarantee they get into heaven. This could be further from the truth. Enjoy the many gifts I have given you to enjoy now and worry about worshiping me when we meet.

Love Always and Forever,
God


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:09 pm 
Community Leader
Community Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:56 am
Posts: 1465
What would I do in that situation? It really doesn't matter what I would do, IMO. This is YOUR life, you are the ADULT running it, what happens is up to you. This is a big part of recovery Shelbeth.

That said, I do think your T is very wise:
Quote:
He said that there was a chance that my BPD flare ups COULD sabatoge the relationship if we were living together, and it may not, but it would be much harder to control with the person of my desire being there all the time. He said that maybe we should look at a time frame of 6 months to a year based on the progress that is happening now with the DBT treatments we are working on, THEN it would be alright to live together.

Again, I will direct you to re-read the Seperation of Stuff tool. I don't feel like you have a firm grip on boundaries, and until you do, I don't think taking this or any other relationship to the 'next level' is good for your over-all happy, healthy living. But, that's just my take from reading your posts. What the heck do I know anyways? I'm just a fellow BPD-er trying to muddle through too (maybe with a bit more recovery experience under my belt).

It's not your job to 'fix' her problems for her, although I'm certain an issue like this isn't so black-and-white. I'm not in this situation; I don't really know what I would do. I will say that being in a relationship, especially one where you live and maybe depend on the other for financial help, is REALLY DIFFICULT-- for everyone. BPD just makes it more so.

Two people decide-- CHOOSE-- to come together on many levels for various reasons. But it's always (at least the 'healthy' relationships, in my mind) TWO distinct people choosing (boy that word comes up a lot :D ) to overlap. This does imply some 'oneness' to the whole thing.....but it's just not that simple. Each party, IMO, has to have their own stuff together enough very distinctly, on their own, before that over-lap occurs in a healthy way.

This is where boundaries, separation of stuff and even co-dependency issues creep in. This is the red flag!! Please do not make these decisions lightly or overly-emotionally. These decisions MATTER-- taking time with this will only help.

Quote:
All other places to rent are too high......deffiantely not have.......She's hopelessly running out of time and options.......she is soooo depressed over her situation.....how hopeless she was feeling and how she doesn't want to live out on the street and be homeless....also feels depressed....she feels like she has no dream.....I feel trapped. I don't like to see her like this, and I know it's not the best thing for us to live together just yet, but RIGHT NOW she has no other choice.

It seems there is quite a bit of assuming in the above sections.....and maybe more than a little drama to boot. There are always various solutions to any problem, even if they aren't the ones you might think you would like at first blush. If you really want to help her (and yourself, by extension)....deal with the actual problems before creating more-- one baby step at a time. Rushing into these things, especially if you are 'forced' to by a temporary situation, won't help either of you in the long run. You must look at that long-term goal and then devise steps to get there (together as well as separately).

Help her see hope, help her find a job, detach yourself from her emotional drama for a moment-- go out together and LAUGH your butts off at something stupid-- really take time to think about each of your (separate) contributions to the relationship and how that might or might not change if you were to move in together. Think about the good that can/may come but also weigh in the negative realistically-- you can't paint this rose colored and expect it to smell sweet. You've already mentioned trying to help her find stable work, you can find a stable home with her (maybe not for both of you) too, I'm certain there is a way.

This is not just your problem, and I know it's not just hers-- but it mostly IS her stuff. Please don't walk into a co-dependent relationship and expect you to continue getting your own stuff together separate from the relationship, that just doesn't happen frequently or easily. I'm not trying to say that the situation is co-dependent or anything.....but there are warning signs. Any time the only solution is one you state yourself is not the ideal one for your mental health.....problems, unexpected or unnoticed issues are just around the corner. These are the choices that define your life-- what is more important to YOU, what will help your over-all goals, what is best for the relationship, what will make you healthy AND happy-- for life? Walk into to something like this with eyes WIDE open!! I know it's difficult and emotions are strong....but you have to be stronger than they are. And smarter. Emotions are tricky!

Do what's best for you. In the end, it will be what's *best* for the relationship too, if it's really right. Only you really know the answer here......

_________________
Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:33 pm 
Community Leader
Community Leader
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:00 pm
Posts: 439
Has she checked into any government or social organizations that could help? I ended up staying at a church owned house when I was in her boat for a few months while I got back on my feet. And it wasn't even my church.

_________________
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. - Garrison Keillor


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:33 pm 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:00 pm
Posts: 991
One thing that comes to mind for me that may be going on. I'm not saying it is, but it could be.

Sometimes, in a relationship (or in a family), if one person has a diagnosis, then any relationship problems are seen as being because of that person's disorder. It can even happen that after a while, the diagnosed person is the more mentally healthy person, because they have been working on their mental health issues, they have been growing as a person, and the other person hasn't.

To have a healthy relationship, you each need to realize, and really know, that having a diagnosis doesn't mean you always have mental health issues, and not having a diagnosis doesn't mean she never does. You need to each see each other as equals, not as the mentally ill person and the mentally healthy person.

_________________
Ellen K.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:59 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 358
Shelbeth,

I am not exactly "healthy" or "recovered" right now and I don't know anything about being in a healthy relationship because my last one just failed miserably, but......
If you want your girlfriend to live with you and she wants to live with you and you think you can both compromise on things and understand each other, then do it! Why is it up to your therapist? Is there an actual danger in you two living together? Is there a threat that you will go berserk and physically injure her? It doesn't sound like it... You may actually learn a lot about yourself and how you interact with others and it may actually HELP you heal/recover from BPD if you are put into a position where you HAVE To work on your issues because if you don't, your living situation will become volatile. Her living with you could actually sort of "force" you to work on your stuff. That's just my opinion and I think everyone else is going to trash me for it - especially given what I have just been through with my ex but I thought you could use a different opinion. I think the "you are too mentally ill right now to do this" line is BS! How will you ever know if you can handle living with someone if you are forced to avoid the problem? I think your T is just trying to shelter you and I don't think that is going to help you in the end. So, what, you work on your DBT for another 6 months and then he gives you a "clean bill of health" and says "OK now you are ready - go ahead and co-habitate!" And you are supposed to just miraculously be the perfect boyfriend/companion/roommate? That's BS man. You have to learn how to do all of that. It's trial and error. You make mistakes, you learn, you grow, you try again. Sorry but this makes me so mad. He wants to "fix" you so you are ready to live with her? Please!!!

-NAM

_________________
"If you can forgive the person you were, Accept the person you are, and Believe in the person you will become, You are headed for joy."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 8:35 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
NotAMonster wrote:
Shelbeth,

I am not exactly "healthy" or "recovered" right now and I don't know anything about being in a healthy relationship because my last one just failed miserably, but......
If you want your girlfriend to live with you and she wants to live with you and you think you can both compromise on things and understand each other, then do it! Why is it up to your therapist? Is there an actual danger in you two living together? Is there a threat that you will go berserk and physically injure her? It doesn't sound like it... You may actually learn a lot about yourself and how you interact with others and it may actually HELP you heal/recover from BPD if you are put into a position where you HAVE To work on your issues because if you don't, your living situation will become volatile. Her living with you could actually sort of "force" you to work on your stuff. That's just my opinion and I think everyone else is going to trash me for it - especially given what I have just been through with my ex but I thought you could use a different opinion. I think the "you are too mentally ill right now to do this" line is BS! How will you ever know if you can handle living with someone if you are forced to avoid the problem? I think your T is just trying to shelter you and I don't think that is going to help you in the end. So, what, you work on your DBT for another 6 months and then he gives you a "clean bill of health" and says "OK now you are ready - go ahead and co-habitate!" And you are supposed to just miraculously be the perfect boyfriend/companion/roommate? That's BS man. You have to learn how to do all of that. It's trial and error. You make mistakes, you learn, you grow, you try again. Sorry but this makes me so mad. He wants to "fix" you so you are ready to live with her? Please!!!

-NAM


My dear friend:

My therapist just gave me healthy suggestions that he suggested to try, and that are ultimately my own choices to make, but also my choices to take rsponsibilty for as well. He only said that if I live with her that it would be more difficult to handle flair ups based on his experience with this disorder.

On a side note, I do really value and respect your input. I like to know where everyone is coming from and based on your responce, you seem to come from a passionate side. Don't let anyone trash you for being passionate, because that is your own personality trait. At the same time don't let your black side of BPD trash you either. I have made the mistake that I thought since I was BPD that all BPDs think and act like me. This is not true as I have found through the many years of being alive and is unfair to stereotype myself like that.

Really great responce though!!

_________________
People have it all wrong about me. They think that if they worship me now, that will guarantee they get into heaven. This could be further from the truth. Enjoy the many gifts I have given you to enjoy now and worry about worshiping me when we meet.

Love Always and Forever,
God


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 6:39 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 9:40 pm
Posts: 10
I have moved in with someone I loved very deeply when it wasn't right - for a host of practical issues (just like you). I wish I did not. I lost him as a result.

I do believe that before moving to a more advanced stage you have to be in a good place and she has to be in a good place- independent of each other.

You have to find a meaningful, fulfilling life on your own and she needs to solve her situation. You can of course support each other, but I think that moving in is a bad idea regardless of the circumstances. I see myself in you and wish I could have had the foresight. The pain of loss was unbearable.

Now that I am working closely on my own issues, I think I will be in a better position to give myself fully to someone else in the future. I will be stable and happy and have the right skills before I take the next leap.

I wouldn't risk the consequences. You are going to spend the rest of your lives together and will face many more tribulations. No need to rush it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: She changed her mind
PostPosted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:52 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
b1024 wrote:
I have moved in with someone I loved very deeply when it wasn't right - for a host of practical issues (just like you). I wish I did not. I lost him as a result.

I do believe that before moving to a more advanced stage you have to be in a good place and she has to be in a good place- independent of each other.

You have to find a meaningful, fulfilling life on your own and she needs to solve her situation. You can of course support each other, but I think that moving in is a bad idea regardless of the circumstances. I see myself in you and wish I could have had the foresight. The pain of loss was unbearable.

Now that I am working closely on my own issues, I think I will be in a better position to give myself fully to someone else in the future. I will be stable and happy and have the right skills before I take the next leap.

I wouldn't risk the consequences. You are going to spend the rest of your lives together and will face many more tribulations. No need to rush it.


I hate when someone has to use their own sacrifices to assist in someone else's situation. All of my prayers are with you, and know that I will dedicate doing the right thing in your name so you can feel some sence of accomplishment and it's not all in vein. God Bless you sweetheart!

_________________
People have it all wrong about me. They think that if they worship me now, that will guarantee they get into heaven. This could be further from the truth. Enjoy the many gifts I have given you to enjoy now and worry about worshiping me when we meet.

Love Always and Forever,
God


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group