Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Sun Jun 24, 2018 4:34 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Girlfriend problems
PostPosted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 4:46 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
The other night, my girlfriend slipped me $100 in my back pocket because she knew I was having financial difficulties and she knew I have always been too proud to accept money from someone because I feel like I need to make my own way.

Anyway, I didn't know she did this, until after I got home later that night and she called me and told me to check my pocket, and almost as fast as she called me, she said she had to go. I found the $100 and tried calling her back, and left a message on her voicemail thanking her. She never called back.

I tried calling back the next day a few times but she never answered or called me back. Finally on messenger, she popped up to say hello and told me she was sorry for not taking my calls or returning them, and that she she didn't feel like talking and was thinking about ways to not get me to ask her why. So I didn't.

The next day (today) she called me again and I told her that I didn't like it when she ignored me all day and then didn't even explain to me anything at all, instead just trying to get me to forget about the whole thing. She then told me to not ask her about it, and that it had something to do with thinking about US and things she was feeling and thinking about me. I told her how I felt it was unfair that it has something to do with me and that she didn't want to even tell me. I asked her if she was thinking about breaking up with me, and she immediately answerd no.

I just became numb to the whole situation and told her that I would never ask again, but would hope she would tell me someday because it makes me feel bad about myself that she was thinking about something to do with me and that she didn't want to tell me what she was thinking about, about me, and all, but at the same time I didn't want her to feel like I didn't love her and whenever she wanted to talk to me, she could. She told me that she loved me almost immediately again, and I told her that I loved her too, but was feeling too overwhelmed by these feelings and thinking of the unknown that pertained to me and I needed to go.

What do you think is going on here? Why would she tell me this and feel so bad about all of this, and not want to talk to me about any of this, instead just try and get me to forget about it? Did she cheat on me?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Girlfriend problems
PostPosted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:54 pm 
Community Leader
Community Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:56 am
Posts: 1465
This is the same girlfriend who you are thinking about moving in with because of her financial instability? Where did she get the $100 and how is she able to spare it?

Re-read the 4 agreements. Assuming she is thinking one thing or another or even thinking this is some sort of 'payment' for her cheating on you......well, who does that help?

If you don't like her desire for secrecy surrounding this, give the money back. This all relates back to separation of stuff and boundaries.

I can't tell you why she did what she did and why she doesn't wish to discuss it. Only she can tell you those things. I think it's more important or more helpful to you to decipher your own reaction to things like this rather than try to figure out her emotions about it. This all goes back to what we were talking about before about getting your own mental health and sense of self in order before mixing it in with another's.

What do you feel? What is YOUR reaction....other than suspicion?

_________________
Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Girlfriend problems
PostPosted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 5:32 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:35 pm
Posts: 36
Location: Near Pittsburgh, PA
Alright, I found out what was bothering her. She didn't come out and say directly, but she did tell me that it had to do with the money she gave me and that it was no big deal, and that's all that she was going to tell me. Anyway, we went out tonight and had a great time and I felt so much better knowing a little bit more about what was bothering her.

So after I got back home tonight, I googled about Russian women and their view of money, and I found out that Russian women find it very difficult to talk about money. It is not something they discuss openly and freely like we do in America, and it certainly has no gender responsibilty on who makes the money in the household, and how it's spent. It's just offensive to talk about and discuss in their culture.

So she's only been here for 9 months while living the rest of her earlier years in Russia, so I can understand now why she felt it to be very difficult to talk about; being the cultural differences and all.

It all boiled down to a cultural differerence and a cultural miscommunication about issues and circumstances. When she knew that I was struggling financially, she was compassionate enough to help out, but it was difficult to do so because she may have felt that I was too proud to take her money or something, which is why she slipped it in my pocket whilst me not knowing that she did so, and her feeling like she would have offended me. This is my analogy I came up with, and it seems to make sence now with a little education on the subject.

_________________
People have it all wrong about me. They think that if they worship me now, that will guarantee they get into heaven. This could be further from the truth. Enjoy the many gifts I have given you to enjoy now and worry about worshiping me when we meet.

Love Always and Forever,
God


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group