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 Post subject: Girlfriend won't take me Salsa Dancing
PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 9:24 am 
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My gf is really big on salsa dancing and she goes like almost every night. I told her that I would like to learn so we could have something together because I know how much salsa dancing means to her. She refuses to teach me, take me, and even associate me with salsa dancing because as she puts it, "it's not like regular dancing. I'll be dancing with other men and I know you will not understand and I am afraid you will be jealous. There is no special significance to me dancing with these other men, it's just the way salsa dancing is"

I told her that I understood this, but why couldn't we just go together every once in a while together and just be us. She won't budge at all because she said that she will take me and these other men that she wants to dance with will not want to dance with her anymore because they will see she is with me.

I don't understand, and it's killing me. I feel totally rejected and I feel no compassion from her on her side at all regarding this. She's so damn stubborn and won't even meet me in the middle at all. How do you think I should handle this?

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 Post subject: Re: Girlfriend won't take me Salsa Dancing
PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2009 6:36 am 
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Shelbeth,

To tell you the truth I think that your gf has made it very clear what she wants and expects from you. You can choose to learn how to salsa dance on your own at a different salsateca.....but if you love and respect your gf you need to respect her boundaries as well.

Don't take it personally. She has a different relationship with you and that's how she likes it.

Maybe you should ask yourself WHY do you want to go salsa dancing with her? If you want to learn.....go learn....but not with her. Do you really want to see her dancing with other people? If so....WHY? What do you want to know....don't you trust her? If you don't.....why are you with her?

I should disclose that I too love salsa dancing and I would be in the same position as your gf if I had a bf who didn't know how to dance........or who didn't understand the culture. It really is not about you. You have to believe that. Dancing is excellent exercise....fun......and requires a lot of skill. It is wonderful to practice dancing with a lot of different people because it keeps you on your toes.....by that I mean everyone dances differently so you always have to learn the style of whoever you're dancing with at the moment so it is very challenging.....and for me that is a lot of fun.

Maybe you need to find another activity that suits your personality....and plan to be busy doing that on the nights that your gf goes dancing.

Shelbeth wrote:
I told her that I would like to learn so we could have something together because I know how much salsa dancing means to her.


Could it be that you don't have a lot in common.....and that is bugging you? Just something to think about.


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 Post subject: Re: Girlfriend won't take me Salsa Dancing
PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2009 6:59 am 
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It's normal for people to have interests that they do without their significant other.

Two things seem like possible red flags. One, her going out to salsa dance "almost every night". From what you say, she seems to be spending a lot of time at a social activity (yeah, it's excercise too, but it's also a social activity) that she doesn't want you to join her in. And, two, that she's dancing with people that she thinks won't want to dance with her if they know she's with someone.

It seems to me that basically, this is a matter of what your boundaries are. Whether or not she's being reasonable is her stuff. Even if she is being reasonable, that doesn't mean you have to be okay with it.

Seems to me the basic options are:

Accept things as they are.

Talk with her about it.

Decide her relationship terms aren't acceptable to you and leave the relationship.

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