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 Post subject: polarized feelings towards bf figure
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 7:46 pm 
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this past weekend i spent with a very close friend. we have slept together, but not this past weekend. luckily, for health reasons, i didn't want to and used that as a reason to firmly say it wasn't going to happen. despite the fact that he's such a close friend and i love him, everytime he initiated kissing me, or holding my hand, i'd feel DISGUSTED. but then when he's gone i miss him and want him to want me.

does anyone have similar feelings to this?? i'm so uncomfortable with how grossed out i felt towards him, especially because this was the last time i'll be able to see him til December, if ever (he's leaving for war). i thought i'd have trouble saying no, and get carried away in the romance, but boy was i wrong!

i feel horrible about myself now, for not being more physically interested and for backing away so often when he wanted to kiss me.

i'm not totally green with relationships. i've been in relationships for over 8 cumulative years with various (4) men. i've never recalled feeling this repulsed except my first ex boyfriend.

it's not okay with me to feel this level of disgust towards anyone! i just didn't know how to say no, and there didn't seem to be a good reason TO say no....

i have been questioning my sexuality lately.... but i'd find it hard to believe my attraction to women would cause repulsion to men i used to enjoy being with...

any insight??


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 Post subject: Re: polarized feelings towards bf figure
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 8:41 am 
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Quote:
it's not okay with me to feel this level of disgust towards anyone! i just didn't know how to say no, and there didn't seem to be a good reason TO say no....

Why isn't feeling disgusted when someone tries to kiss you reason enough to say no?

Yes, I've felt disgusted by a man on more than one occasion-- even one that I had been intimate with prior to (and I'm not gay). Maybe it's hormones or something, who knows? In my opinion and experience, if you're body/mind is telling you "NO" about a situation like this.....why argue with it?

You have every right as an adult in charge of herself-- really just as a human-- to say no to advances at any time or for any reason. There doesn't even have to be a reason, IMHO, just a bad vibe or something.

It's perfectly normal, IMHO. His needs DO NOT trump yours. I'm sorry to hear you feel badly about yourself for standing up for yourself-- really, I think it can take a lot of strength to do such and is something to be proud of. Can you turn it around like that in your head?

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Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: polarized feelings towards bf figure
PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:29 am 
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Thanks for the reply, Harmonium.

I guess I feel so bad about the way I feel because he's gone now. I guess I felt like I owed it to him... I have so much work to do with DBT still...

Thanks though.


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 Post subject: Re: polarized feelings towards bf figure
PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 5:58 pm 
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Hi Snowshine,

Is it possible for you that maybe you are displacing the-- for lack of a better term-- grief you may be feeling at his leaving? As in......turning those negative feelings toward yourself?
Quote:
I feel so bad about the way I feel

I know I've done this a thousand times.....but feeling badly about your emotions, whatever they are and whyever they are.......well, it's a cycle that I had to break. I couldn't change my emotions, but I could change the judgement I felt for myself for having them.

Just a thought. I hope you are doing ok.

_________________
Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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