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 Post subject: Doubting myself
PostPosted: Sun Jan 16, 2011 9:48 am 
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I often doubt myself, and am rarely proud or satisfied with anything I accomplish. Last August I finally decided to go back to school for my rad tech degree. My first semester back I made straight A's and a 4.0 GPA. I was proud of myself for about 5 minutes, then the doubt kicked in. My twisted thinking was that the only reason I made such high grades was because I had easy classes and I won't be able to make the same grades in the following semesters. I acknowledged that there was no validation behind that statement because those were the ONLY college courses I have ever taken; so how would I know if they were "easy" if I have no basis for comparison? Maybe these classes came easy to me but weren't so easy for my peers, maybe I am really smarter than I give myself credit for. And just maybe I can continue to keep my high scores even in the classes that I deem "hard".


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 Post subject: Re: Doubting myself
PostPosted: Sun Jan 16, 2011 6:32 pm 
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Congrats on the great grades! And good work on trying to defuse the negative tapes running in your head.

Keep trying to stop yourself from constantly comparing yourself to others. It's crazy-making. The only person to be concerned about it you -- so don't think too much about whether your classmates are "better" or "smarter" or whatever. If your school posts test scores publicly (my nursing school did, with names, so your success or failure was out there for all the world to see -- could be pretty humiliating if you hadn't done well, and I hope they've changed that policy), just look for your own name and don't study the results of others. And try not to be a perfectionist with yourself. Just do the best you can. If you identify any areas down the line where you think you're struggling a bit, it doesn't mean you're stupid or that you're going to fail the course or not succeed in the profession; if necessary, ask for some extra help with those topics, and understand that very few people do well ALL the time.

There will be bumps on the road, as there are bumps on EVERY road. When you hit them, just take a deep breath, shake it off, and get back to work on your next goal. I'm sure you'll do fine!

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I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner


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 Post subject: Re: Doubting myself
PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 12:38 am 
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I think your grades are very excellent, and you have no reason to doubt yourself.

However, having said that, it's obvious that you struggle with self-doubt and perhaps self-worth?

Has anyone, in your life put you down a lot? Just a thought :)

Try talking to yourself, as a FRIEND would. A friend wouldn't say unkind things like what you said to yourself, that those good grades came about only because of the easy classes.


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 Post subject: Re: Doubting myself
PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 1:07 am 
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I think that's a pretty common reaction for anyone starting college course work. I was just as hard on myself. You can suceed in school if you remain focused and don't try to spread yourself too thin by thinking you can work full time and handle a big load of classes too. Been there done that too.


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 Post subject: Re: Doubting myself
PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:43 am 
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I do have a problem with being a perfectionist, and constantly comparing myself to others. I also do have self-worth issues, I had 2 caregivers growing up that were emotionally and verbally abusive. I will try "talking to myself as a friend", I think that is a great way of looking at it. I am signed up for a DBT class starting in 5 weeks, so I'm looking forward to that. I was in a day program DBT class about 4 years ago, but I was highly medicated so much of it seems a blur to me unfortunately. Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words, I appreciate it.


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 Post subject: Re: Doubting myself
PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 12:27 am 
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I learnt "talking to myself like a friend would" from someone else on this forum :)

My dad was emotionally abusive when I was in late primary school, I was constantly hurled with words like "you are useless"

It has affected my self-worth, even till this day (I'm 27 now), so much so that I think my AUTOMATED INTERNAL self-talk is self-condemning.

I think we need to learn to change that, to stop being mean to ourselves.

Happy experimenting! :)


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 Post subject: Re: Doubting myself
PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 11:15 am 
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Mere Mortal,
I understand having a parent talk to you that way. My mother is an alcoholic, and was also a cocaine addict for part of my childhood so I would often hear "I hate you" and "I should have had an abortion", then when my father took custody he is emotionally cut off and would leave me with my stepmother who constantly reminded me that I was a "burden" to them, that I was "fat, ugly, and white trash" were also commmon insults; all of this when I was going through puberty and really needed a mother figure. I'm 26 now and my self-condeming thoughts are on auto-pilot constantly. I never feel good enough, or smart enough, or thin enough, or pretty enough, etc., always comparing myself to others and trying to be like them. It's a battle I'm hoping to work through in therapy this time around, considering I am much more knowledged on my disorder and what works for it, I'm optimistic for more results this time in treatment. Thank you for your understanding and encouragement, it is greatly appreciated.


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 Post subject: Re: Doubting myself
PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:12 am 
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Cal,
I'm sorry to hear about what you went through in the past. Doesn't sound good to me at all!
Fighting or replacing our 'autopilot' talk is tough, isn't it? I find it tough, and sometimes the autopilot talk is so subconscious that I'm not even aware of it.
sometimes I feel so tired, fighting the autopilot talk, but hey we will not give up, won't we?
let's fight on!


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