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 Post subject: Splitting
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:19 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:12 pm
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Hi everyone

I have a question about exercises that will help me to work through and change my black and white thinking. Does anyone have any exercises they could share with me that I might be able to start using to help these sorts of distortions?

It would also be great to hear from anyone that has been able to improve in this area.. I was going to say has "fixed" this area but that too would be a very B&W way of thinking about it!

I have, in the last few days, really started to see how much I do this and how destructive it is. Its almost like I can't see any possibilities outside - its either this way or its that way. I tend to idealise and devalue not only partners but companies I work for, my house, my parents and sisters. I even struggle to do housework unless I know I am going to do it 100% perfect.

Cheers, Brooke


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 Post subject: Re: Splitting
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 6:30 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:04 pm
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Location: USA
I make a lot of lists. If my list only has two things on it, I usually know I'm looking at the situation with my black and white glasses on, and try to expand. I have been in situations where I only saw the fight/flight options, and would convince myself that these were the only two choices that I had. Then the one that I picked would seem like the only logical choice, and could easily mushroom into "Look at what's happened to me, now this is the way that things HAVE to go." I've made some really self-destructive decisions because of that tendency.

With a list, though, the challenge is to come up with more options. Even if some of the options are ludicrous, at least I've allowed myself to think them. Every now and then, though, a perfectly reasonable and workable option sneaks in.

As far as perfectionism goes, I've made a lot of headway in dealing with that by cultivating an attitude of zen detachment. I had trouble cleaning my house, as well, and trouble sticking with situations once any kind of challenge came up (ie, a minor disagreement with a coworker at a new job, being criticized by someone that I thought was a friend, first argument in a new relationship, etc) because I tended to see the smallest black mark as a sign that the whole thing is rubbish. I had to force myself to relax and not see it as a do-or-die thing.


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 Post subject: Re: Splitting
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 6:05 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:25 pm
Posts: 57
I used to do To Do Lists, still do actually but I even out through the days. For ex: Mon-Tues- I sweep, and do laundry, Weds-Thurs- dust, trash,sweep. You get the idea. By evening out your stuff to do through the week, you can put in all of your effort so by the time it's the weekend you can kick back, and maybe do a light tidy up. Ta-Da! Make a list like that, just like Ama, but, instead use your emotions and thoughts. Or try things that soothe you and level you out, like mine is candles and music. I'm going to start doing meditation actually, with the sound of waves or birds. I hope this helps.

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Everything Happens For A Reason


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 Post subject: Re: Splitting
PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:54 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
hey there :)

you could try this out:

Black and white:
Possibility A: My parents don't love me
Possibility B: My parents love me

Non black and white thinking:
My parents love me but they don't like certain behaviours of mine



get the drift?


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